Climbing Back From Despair
by edwardobsessive
Summary: Takes Place after Edward leaves Bella in NM.  Bella and Jasper each go through a dark period, only to find eachother a few short years later.  Warning for graphic content.
1. Chapter 1  Walk towards the light

Feb 3, 2011

This is my first and probably only attempt at fanfiction. Please note there will be disturbing content and some graphic scenes. Not recommended for children.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all.

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Chapter 1 – Walk towards the light

APOV

When Edward made the decision to let fear rule his actions instead of his heart the path was set. I tried to warn him, but his mind was made up. He did not believe that in "saving" Bella from our kind, he not only destroyed her, but our family as well. Reclining back in my first class seat, I am still as a statue, trying not to breath. Not because of the ever present burn, being in such close quarters with the smell of delicious blood all around me, but because I replay the visions over and over in my head hoping that I missed something, that I was somehow wrong. Anything, that could give me a glimmer of hope that my efforts to save Edward and our family are not in vain.

Edward made it clear I was not to see Bella, but I couldn't help myself. I missed her so much. I just had to know she was alright. That's when I saw just how broken she really was. She was so thin, her bones protruded from all angles. Her beautiful pale skin was grey and no longer held any lustre. But what truly haunted me were her eyes. They were always so expressive. She could never hide what she was feeling because her eyes always gave her away. Now her eyes were rimmed with dark circles and held no light. It was like her body may have been alive but her soul was dead. I couldn't hold this revelation back from my blinded brother. He needed to see the result of his actions and bring my sister home where she belongs. As I confronted Edward I was inundated with another vision of Bella. The light in her eyes came back and there was a hint of a smile on her face. Just when I was about to rejoice, I saw her drag a razor blade across her wrists, slicing through her veins. The blood that my brother craved poured out of her tiny body as she lay back in the bathtub. Then it all went black.

I crumpled to the floor only vaguely aware of the guttural roar that escaped Edward's throat. He seized me by my shoulders and began to shake. Like I was some kind of magic eight ball and the shaking would somehow change the result. When it didn't, he threw me against the wall, leaving a sizeable hole in Esme's new den, and took off into the woods. I have never felt so helpless and alone. As I mourned the loss of my sister, my thoughts turned to my husband, or should I say former husband. I haven't seen Jasper in six months. Edward was so angry at Jasper for attacking Bella. We all knew that Jasper has struggled. After all, his life before was violent and instinctual. When you have spent close to 100 years obliging your body's most carnal desires, it is difficult to switch to life of such restraint. While Edward loathed subjecting Bella into our world, he felt that our home would at least be a safe haven for the two of them. Our home was a place where he could pretend that he was just a boy in love with a beautiful girl, not a vampire setting out to seduce his prey. Jasper's attack was a dose of reality that Edward was not yet ready to face. When he came home from safely depositing Bella after the birthday incident, the first thing he did was lunge at Jasper. Jasper could have easily thwarted Edward's blows, but instead he just took it all in. Not just the physical blows, but the emotional ones we were all emitting throughout the house. I managed to stop Edward just short of ripping Jasper's head off, but by then the damage was done. My husband looked at me with such sorrow and said "I'm sorry. I can't pretend anymore that I fit into this life. I love you Alice. Please go on without me." Then in a blink of an eye he was gone. At present, I was too deep in the loss of my sister and my husband to notice that Edward had passed the point of no return. Without Bella he had no reason to live. Not until his plane already landed in Italy did I see his plan. He was going to Volterra to end his life. I could see his skin sparkling in the sun as he stepped out from under the shadows of the clock tower. I could also see Jane, Felix, and Demetri revelling in the fulfillment of Aro's orders. I had already lost my sister and the love of my life. If I lost my brother, the Voluturi would have to take me next. I only prayed that something in our future would change between now and my arrival in Italy that could save Edward and myself from eternal damnation.

Our plane finally reaches Roma and as "humanly" possible I dart out of my seat. A man from the Porsche dealership is waiting for me as I arrive out of the terminal. He has a sign with my name on it and is holding out the keys to 911 Carrera 4 Cabriolet I had just purchased with my black Amex card. I barely have time to appreciate my new purchase as I speed off in my new wheels. I arrive in Volterra in a little over two hours, mocking the GPS's instructions of a three and half hour journey. It's 11:50 a.m., just ten short minutes before Edward carries out his plan. In my trench-coat, sunglasses and headscarf, I race on foot towards the Piazza dei Priori. There is a festival going on in the square and it's teeming with tourists. As I look up at the clock tower I notice Edward huddled in the shadows, his shirt already discarded. I also see three cloaked figures waiting just below the tower on the ledge of the third level waiting to see if Edward will call their hand. Getting through the crowd while remaining inconspicuous is proving to take much longer than my anxiety can handle. Suddenly I hear the bell begin to toll and see Edward take his first step. I throw caution to the wind as leap over a tour group of thirty people towards Edward, but it's too late. I can see the light reflecting off of his granite skin and before I can call out to him I am on the ground writhing in pain, then everything goes black.


	2. Chapter 2  Living in the Dark

Feb 3, 2011

I'm posting chapter 2 right away because Chapter 1 deals with what happens to Alice and Edward. Since this is a Jasper/Bella story, I thought I better introduce at least one of them. You won't see Jasper till Chapter 5.

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Chapter 2 – Living in the Dark

BPOV

**October**

I've heard that when people are subjected to physical torture, as a coping mechanism their mind takes them to a world outside of reality to help them cope with their present circumstance; a sort of out of body experience if you will. What happens if it's your soul that is being tortured? How do you cope when the abuse is not merely a physical act, but one that slices through your heart, your mind and your soul? Since Edward left me that day in the woods I have felt such a tremendous amount of pain. His words replay in my head over and over, mulling over the true meaning behind every carefully planned out sentence.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me..." _You were a temporary distraction for my amusement_

"I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not..." _I'm better than this human existence _

"You're not good for me Bella..." _You're not good enough for me Bella. You never were and you never will be._

Throughout my time with Edward, I always knew it couldn't last forever. He didn't want to change me and I knew I could never measure up to his perfection. Instead of listening to my head, I chose to go with my heart. I wanted so much to believe him when he told me he loved me, and it was my soul he was trying to protect. Instead of protecting my soul he has damaged it beyond repair. To add salt to the wounds, the family that I have come to love and rely on has abandoned me too. I can't believe Alice would leave me without saying goodbye. She was so much more than a friend. She was a sister. I didn't have any friends in Phoenix. I spent so much time taking care of Renee that I didn't have time for people my age. Charlie was always the strong silent type, and Edward came into my world before I made any real bonds with anyone in Forks. For the first time in my life I gave my heart to someone outside my biological family. I loved Alice like a sister. She was always there to help guide me in life and love. I thought of Emmett as a big brother who was always there to protect me and remind me to have fun. Carlisle and Esme were just like parents to me. They were parents who took care of me, instead of the other way around. I'll never forget Jasper's words as we left to escape James. "I can feel what you're feeling now – and you _are _worth it." He looked at me with such love and sincerity, and in return I loved him back. If I really was worth anything to them, would they have just let me go? The only person who didn't lie to me was Rosalie, and now I just love her for her honesty.

The pain is too much. It's like a knife twisting in my heart. I lay in bed with these thoughts all day. I haven't been to school in over a month, because I can't face it without him. The idea of sitting alone in biology or looking at that empty lunch table is too much to bear. Charlie has been beside himself, but I won't move from my spot. I am vaguely aware that Jacob has been up to see me once a week. He sits with me and holds my hand trying to coax me out of my catatonic state with bad jokes and the occasional pleading. I'm surprised that Charlie lets him come in my room, but I guess he's not really worried since I am this utter mess. Mike Newton has been by as well to drop off my assignments. It's a nice gesture. I just wish I had the energy to thank him or actually do any of the work.

I can't remember the exact day when I found my coping mechanism, but I'll never forget that first feeling of relief. I was in the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror, hating myself for not being good enough, and wishing I could just forget the anguish for just a little while. As I bent down to wash my face I noticed Charlie left out a pack of unused razor blades. All I could think about was how good it would be to feel something else for just a little while. With shaking hands I removed the wrapping from the blade. I debated - wrists, forearms or thighs? Finally I decided on forearms. I could cover up the marks but be able to look at the scars when I need to feel better. The stinging sensation was glorious. The rusty odour assaulted my senses, making me light headed. Instead of feeling the need to pass out, like I normally would, I just felt a sense of calm and relief. Instead of an out of body experience, it was an out of mind experience. There was no thinking, no wallowing in my own self pity – just pure feeling. Even if those feelings were pain, it was nothing compared to the pain I have endured and I wasn't going to be able to stop.

**December**

Charlie forces my hand. Either snap out of it or move to Jacksonville with Renee. So here I'm in, sitting in my truck in the parking lot of school, trying not to hyperventilate. My first class is English. I skulk into the class room hoping to go unnoticed. No such luck. From the moment I cross the threshold; all eyes turn to my direction. Dodging the snickers and the looks of pity is like trying to dodge rain drops in a hurricane. At the very least Mr. Mason doesn't make a production of my presence and the last couple of months have been spent on Jane Eyre, which I've already read countless times.

When the class ends, I make my way out the door and catch Lauren's voice behind me. "She looks like hell. No wonder Edward left her. I can't believe he would waste his time on her in the first place." All I keep thinking is _she is so right and everyone knows it_. Suddenly I'm back in the woods screaming Edward's name. The feeling of abandonment and betrayal is crushing me. I'm hit with this overwhelming sense of panic. My chest tightens, my breathing is constricted. The walls are starting to close in. Before I actually faint in front of a 100 people, someone grabs me by the arm and yanks me into an empty class room.

"Bella, are you okay?"

Hearing Mike's voice pulls me back to the present. _Oh god. This is real. He really has left._ I slide down against a wall and huddle on the floor. Mike's arms are around me. The warmth feels so foreign compared to the ice cold comfort I have begged for night after night. I want to cringe away from his touch, but he saved me from the eyes of all my fellow classmates, so I brush my feelings of repulsion to the side.

"Bella, I hate to see you this way. You can get through this. Here is something that might help."

I look at the little white pill he has just placed in my hand. I stare down at it for what seems like a long time.

_Is this what I've been reduced to? Has he left me so broken I would actually resort to taking drugs?_ _If I could just forget for a little while, maybe then things will get better. What would Charlie say? Isn't anything better than what I'm feeling right now?_

As I contemplate the pros and cons of the Pandora's Box that Mike has bequeathed me, I hear Edward's words again...

"_Don't do anything reckless or stupid"..."I'm thinking of Charlie, or course. He needs you. Take care of yourself-for him."_

Thinking back on those words, I feel such anger. He broke me and now he's saying don't do anything reckless or stupid? How can you kill someone who's already dead? I've hurt Charlie so much already. I haven't been taking care of him – who will take care of me?

Then my mind begins to rationalize. If I could make the pain stop for a little while maybe it will be easier to live, to get my life back, and to take care of Charlie again. With that I bring my palm to my mouth and knock the pill to the back of my throat, swallowing it dry. As I wait for its effects to begin I look at Mike and mouth the words thank you. "No problem" he responds.

Almost immediately a feeling of pleasure creeps over my body. The hole in my chest and knots in my stomach seem to dissipate. I sit very still as I let this new feeling wash over me. Mike helps me to my feet and I let him know I will be okay to make it to the next class. He kisses the top of my head and lets me go. The rest of my day is a comfortable haze. Nothing really registers, which suits me just fine. I can ignore the prying eyes from my fellow students and the concerned glances from my teachers. I can just be.

By the time I'm on my way home the effects of the pill are starting to wear off, which I'm grateful for, because the idea of driving under the influence doesn't sit well with me. Unfortunately by the time I get home, my head begins to feel like it's stuffed with cotton, and waves nausea starts to consume me. Worst of all the pain of my loss hits me like a sledge hammer. I'm glad Charlie isn't home yet. He can't see me like this. I'm hunched over the toilet, paler than my normal, sweat causing my hair to be pasted to my brow. I need the pain to stop and I immediately reach for my razors. Just before I get a chance to press the sharp edge against my soft flesh I hear a knock on the door. _Crap! _I make my way downstairs and see Mike through the window of the front door.

"How are you feeling?" he asks as I open the door

"Rough. I was feeling great throughout the day, but as it wears off I feel worse than when I began, which is saying a lot."

"The down can be hard, which is why I brought you a few more to get you through. I know you're going through a tough time. These won't solve the problem, but it will buy you some time to make it through school this week."

I never pictured Mike as a drug user. He's always so together. "Mike...when did you start doing drugs?"

"Um...I actually don't. I just supply them. I'm not some big time dealer or anything. I just happen to have a contact. It's just a way to earn some extra cash."

I process this information. This must be the source of his popularity. Not sure why he would need the extra cash since his family is pretty well off. I guess we just don't know people as well as we think we do.

"How much do I owe you for these?"

"It's on the house. I just couldn't stand seeing you suffer like you were this morning. Bella, I'm here for you."

Before I knew it, Mike had both hands on either side of my face and was kissing me hard. As I began to register what has happening, to my surprise I realized I was responding. There was urgency to his kiss. Like he was trying to will me back to life. I felt his tongue run against my bottom lip and my lips parted to grant him entrance. That moment felt so much like the haze of being under those pills again. Instead of feeling the torturous hole in my heart, numbness began to take over, helping me forget. Suddenly it wasn't just kissing. I could feel Mike's hands gripping me. One hand twisted in my hair while the other snaked its way up my side cupping my right breast. His thumb circled my nipple through the fabric of my sweater. I gasped at his touch, which he interpreted as a positive response, and his other hand moved to my left breast and began to match the movements of his right. I kept kissing him and responding to his touch as a battle was waged in my head.

_You need this. Mike is giving you what Edward wouldn't. You can forget for just a little while._

_He's not Edward. You don't love him. Your heart and your body belong to Edward. You can't throw that away. What if he comes back?_

_Are you stupid? He didn't want your heart and he certainly didn't want your body. At least you won't have to go to bed longing night after night. At least you will have some relief._

_Relief is temporary. What about afterwards?_

_A little relief is better than nothing. What about now?_

With that last thought I grabbed Mike's hand and let him upstairs towards my bedroom. After I closed the bedroom door I turned around to find Mike staring at me with lust filled eyes. It was the way I wished Edward would look at me, and at that moment it was Edward I saw staring back at me. Mike moved towards me and this time places a tender kiss on my lips, but I'm not looking for tenderness. I'm looking to forget. I respond by slipping my tongue between his lips running it along his teeth. He leads me to the bed, and our lips briefly unlock as we get rid of our sweaters. I arch my back to allow him to unclasp my bra and moan against him as he brings his mouth to my breast. My nipple pebbles under the coaxing of his tongue and I buck my hips as I feel his hands unbuttoning my jeans, sliding them down so he can run his fingers over my core, the thin layer of my lavender cotton panties separating us. I close my eyes as he reaches to take off his pants and trying to block out the sound of the condom wrapper tearing. _Is this really happening? _He slides my panties off, following their path with a trail of kisses down my thighs. I'm trying to imagine it's Edward's topaz eyes, his cold touch, his gentle lips, and whispers of love and devotion. I'm trying to block out Mike's lust clouded eyes, his sweaty palms, his sloppy kisses and his grunts of pleasure. _This is not the way it was supposed to be. This was supposed to help me forget._ I'm thankful Mikes head is buried in the crook of my neck as I feel him enter inside me. My body is stiff, my hands balled up in fists and I have my eyes are squeezed shut as I fight the tears. Mike is oblivious to my distress. I just wait for him to finish, and let out a strangled cry when he gets his release. _God, I hope that was convincing. _We lay there for a while in silence. Mike is the first to break it.

"You're beautiful Bella. Thank you."

"Charlie will be home soon. You better getting going."

"See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll see you at school."

We both get up and get dressed. I walk him to the door and he kisses my head as he leaves. _Edward kissed me goodbye that way. _Glad to shut the door, I break out in sobs. My body is wracked with pain. I clutch my stomach and start to heave. _This isn't the way it's supposed to be." _I run to the bathroom and wretch, the only thing exiting my body is bile. Finally able to compose myself I glance at the clock in the kitchen. I have about an hour before Charlie comes home. I open the liquor cabinet with the key that is hidden above a door frame. _Really Charlie? _I pour a glass of bourbon and knock it back, relishing the burn that travels down my throat. The numbness starts to return and I begin getting dinner ready.


	3. Chapter 3 Endings

**Author's Note: **I know most people post once or twice a week. I don't know if I have that kind of patience. I'm thinking there'll be an update every three days or so. Also, I'm Canadian and sometimes our spelling differs from American English (for example colour vs. color). I'm going to try and stick to American spelling, but I'm going to apologize in advance for words I have missed.

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**BPOV**

**March**

_"Don't worry. You're human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."_

If only that were true. Not a single day has passed that I don't remember Edward's words to me in the woods. I remember his every touch, his every word. I go over in my head each facial expression, and mull over the meaning behind every body movement. When was time going to make me forget? I did have some reprieve from the pain. Mike supplied me with little white pills, which I took more often than not. When Charlie worked nights he would come over for sex. I'm sure no one at school knew about our little arrangement. As my body grew accustom to the drugs, I began taking them just to level me out. They kept me numb, but an ever present ache still lurked in my heart. On the days the pills couldn't cut it, I would add alcohol to the mix.

In spite of the permanent fog I resided in, I still managed to pull off A's (with the exception of calculus). It may seem odd, but you must remember that I didn't go out. I didn't have any girlfriends to gossip with (hell – I was the subject of most gossip). My only visitors were Mike, which were relatively short and transactional in nature, and Jacob. Mike definitely wanted more than our casual visits. Every time I gave him an excuse as to why he would have to leave his eyes filled with gloom and he would place a kiss on my forehead as he headed out the door. Where Mike was my chore, Jacob was my reprieve. He would drop by at least once a week. I got the feeling that he would probably come around more if it weren't for Mike's car that was sometimes in our driveway. If Jacob had more than platonic feelings, he certainly didn't let on. He would just waltz right in and make himself some microwave popcorn as he bellowed my name so I would join him in the kitchen. Sometime we would just sit at the kitchen table and chatted (well he chatted and I listened), or he would bring over some inane action flick and I would listen as he would lecture the merits of one fight scene over another. Being with Jacob was so easy. He gave so much of himself and asked nothing in return, which was a blessing to me, because I had nothing left to give. Another reason why it was so easy to be with Jacob was we had an unspoken rule – stay away from touchy subjects. He never asked me about Edward, about Mike, about my dilated pupils, or the alcohol sometime under my breath. In return I never asked him about his changing physique, and rabid appetite, although I must admit I was curious. In the six months since my torture began, Jake grew exponentially. He was now about six-five, was supporting a six pack, and had arms as big cannons. If I wasn't so damaged I might have been able to appreciate what a fine physical specimen he was. Instead of embracing his new manliness, Jake seemed rather uncomfortable. The way he walked and carried himself, it was like he was trying to hold on to the skinny awkward kid he used to be. I couldn`t quite put my finger on it, but I got the feeling he was hiding something and his new mature look had something to do with it. Either way, I never asked or he never volunteered any info about it. Our conversations were light and neutral.

It was Friday night, the night of a school dance. Naturally I stayed home. No one asked me to go, and even if anyone did, I was not inclined to accept. I`m curled up with favourite book, Wuthering Heights, track pants and a long sleeve t-shirt to cover up fresh wounds from my nightly therapy. I wish I could have just one pill before I go to bed, but my supply is out. I'll have to get a new supply the next time see Mike. Just as put my book down, I hear a knock on the door, well a banging at the door would be a better description. I head to the door and see Mike on my front porch.

"Why aren`t you at the dance Mike?"

"It wasn't the same without you. I just thought I would come by and see what you were up to."

"Did you want to come upstairs?"

"Actually, I was thinking we could maybe talk. I'm worried about you. I thought that in time you would snap out of it, but nothing has changed. Bella, I care about you. You need to forget that asshole Edward and realise what's in front of you." His voice was pleading. It was almost sad. But I didn't feel sorry for him. Instead I saw red.

"First, don't EVER say his name again. Second, you and I have an understanding. I don't have those kind of feelings for you, and I'm sorry, but I don't think I ever will."

I could see the impact of my verbal blow etched on his face as he yelled back, "why the fuck not? I can make you happy if you just give me a chance." I thought he was going to turn around and storm out, but he surprised me be closing the 3 feet of space that separated us. One of his arms was wrapped around my waist and his other hand tilted my chin towards him. His lips hovered above mine as he softly spoke. "I can make you forget."

A normal person would have looked into his ice blue eyes and melted. A whole person would put their arms around his neck, kissed him back and said "Edward who?" I however, am not normal, nor am I whole_._ My anger washed away, but it was replaced with fatigue."Mike, I am grateful for all you have done for me these last few months, but this is just not going to happen. I can't give you what I don't have. Can I just get another week's supply? I can pay cash from here on out if our agreement is not working out for you."

He let go of his hold on me and stepped back into the doorway.

"Bella, I can't watch you waste away any more. I started giving you this shit to help you deal, but you're not getting any better. I think you need to clean up and work things out. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be your crutch anymore. If you need a friend, I'll be here, but I think our arrangement is over."

I watched him walk out. I knew I should feel remorseful. I traded sex for drugs. I knew that Mike hoped it was more than what it was, and I took advantage of his feelings for me so I could numb my own. Now he is gone. I was doomed to drive away those who cared for me. I drove away Edward and the Cullens because I couldn't open a stupid present without drawing blood. I drove away Charlie and Renee with my despondent behaviour, and now I have driven away Mike.

Thinking about it all made me hurt. The gaping hole in my chest began to throb. It hurt so much worse now that I knew my temporary relief was gone for good. I made my way up to the bathroom and grabbed my razor. I dragged it over some of my old scars hoping the hurt would comfort me, but it didn't. It wasn't enough. I looked at the blood dribble down my arm and cursed it, because it wasn't working. I needed more pain. I needed to quiet the noise in my head. I need to find a away to block out the hole inside me. My eyes trailed down to my wrists. I stared at the blue vein like it was a beacon. Death would be so much easier than this existence. I pictured the blood from that vein running out of my body. I imagined the glorious pain that would block out all the hurt I felt. I thought of how much better off the people in my life would be if I just did not exist anymore. All of these thoughts happened within a span of twenty seconds. Enough time for me to turn on the water in the bathtub and lay there with my clothes still intact. I pressed the razor along my wrists and watched the beautiful red bleed into the water that was rising around me. The pain was glorious. My thoughts were all of Edward. I thought of the flutter in my heart when he would gaze at me with his beautiful topaz eyes. I thought about how I used to love running my fingers through his bronze hair as our lips touched. I thought of his graceful fingers gliding over the piano when playing my lullaby. I began to drift off into the abyss glad that my ordeal was about to end. I was only vaguely aware of the bathroom door opening when my eyes closed for their last and final time.


	4. Chapter 4 Beginnings

Feb 7, 2011

**Author's Note: ** I have to admit my chapters are beginning to depress me. I wrote this story a long time ago when I was going through a dark period. At least this is last "Bella spiralling out of control" Chapter.

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**BPOV**

_Where am I? This can't be death. _I knew I was alive by the ache in my bones. My head was pounding. I was aware I was in a strange place. I tried to open my eyes, but there was a bright light making it that much harder to see and making my head hurt even more. I decided to shut my eyes tighter and try and get my bearings. What do I hear? I hear beeping. I hear shuffling coming from outside the room I'm in. I hear snoring nearby. What can I feel? I'm in a bed that is not my own. There is a metal railing on each side. The sheets are itchy and I`m not wearing my clothes. _Oh God! I'm in a hospital. It didn't work. I'm alive. How? Where is everyone? _I want to open my eyes now, but I`m afraid of what I`m going to find. If I`m here then Charlie knows what I tried to do. Everyone knows. _Poor Bella Swan! Edward doesn`t want her and now she`s damaged goods. She is fucked up! _I force myself to open my eyes. To my right an oversized Jacob is in an undersized chair slumped over sleeping. Large bandages are covering my wrists. More importantly, my arms are tied to the bed with padded restraints. _This can`t be happening. I was supposed die. I did everything right. There was a lot of blood, a lot of pain – all for what? Nothing! _I needed to know what happened.

"Psst...Jake? Jake wake up."

I see Jake stir. I notice that he clearly has been in the chair for a while by the way he is trying to get the kinks out of his back. At first I expect him to jump all over me for doing something so stupid, but in true Jake form he just puts me at ease.

"It's about time you woke up. I'm going to send you my chiropractor bills"

"Send me the IOU. Where's Charlie? How did I get here?"

"I made Charlie go home to shower and change. He was starting to stink up the joint. I saw Newton leave your place. He looked like someone just kicked his dog, so I thought I should go check up on you. I found you in the bathtub. I would have got there sooner, but Mike was standing in your yard. It looked like he was waiting for you. Like he thought you might follow him out. Then when you didn't he just got pissed and drove away. I thought I would come in and find you crying or something. I always knew there was something going on between you two. When I came in the house I smelled the blood. I ran to the bathroom and found you. If I got there a minute later I would have been too late."

He spoke like he was talking about the events of a basketball game. Not like a person who found a **very** fucked up girl and saved her life. I saw neither pity, nor condemnation in his eyes, for which I was grateful.

"Why were you out there in the first place?"

"I just wanted to stop by to chat. Whenever I come over and I see Newton's car I wait around until he leaves."

"How long have I been in here?"

"Four days. I've been here pretty much the whole time with Charlie. He's pretty messed up Bells. He knows you've been in a bad place the last six months, but I don't think he realized how bad until you wound up here. I've only ever seen one person as heartbroken as Charlie, and well that one person is you. So, before you decide to try that stunt again you just remember the way you're feeling right now is the way you're making Charlie feel every time you give up on life for some bastard that left you."

I let out a groan for so many reasons. I couldn't believe I was here unconscious for that long. I couldn't believe how inconsiderate I was concerning Charlie. It isn't right. Charlie and I may not be that close or affectionate, but I know he loves me more than anything in the world and I am all he's got. I also groaned at Jake's mention of the reason why I did what I did. He at least knew enough not to say his name, but the thought of Edward hurt enough as it is. I wanted to bury my hands in my head, but they were restrained. So I just pressed my head back into the pillow and shut my eyes. Jake really called me out and I had to admit, the boy was right.

"Jake, why are you my friend? I have been a fucked up, selfish, emo bitch. I don't understand why you keep coming around. If you knew even half the shit I've been doing, you wouldn't give me the time of day."

"I'll give you the fucked up and emo part, but you are definitely not selfish, and you are far from being a bitch. You gave everything you had to someone who didn't deserve it and didn't cherish it. You have a right to feel the way you do. I come around because one, growing up on res means everyone, and I mean everyone, knows your business. It's hard living in a bubble. Two, you don't mind that I eat you out of house and home, and that I bring my action flicks to watch on your flat screen. Three, you don't ask questions that I'm not prepared to answer."

With his last statement he looked down at his hands which were placed on his lap. Jake looked very much like a little boy trapped in a man's body, and it was clear that there was more to his physique than just puberty. The other surprises that Jake had in store were that he was clearly more insightful than I gave him credit for and he didn't have any romantic feelings for me, which made me relieved.

"You know, when I woke up my first feelings were I wished it had worked and that I'm going to be so embarrassed that everyone will know what happened. Not only did you save my life, but you made me realize that I have something to live for Jake. I don't know what I would do without you. You've put up with a lot of my bullshit Jake, and I promise it's going to stop. I am going to be a better person. A better daughter to Charlie, and a better friend to you. I want you to know that you can tell me anything Jake. I promise I will be there and I won't judge you."

By the end of my little rant, I heard someone clearing their throat at the door. When I looked up I saw Charlie standing there with tears in his eyes. He had aged significantly in the last four days, and a pang of guilt hit me. I did that to him, and he did nothing to deserve it. All he did was love me and I nearly destroyed him. He looked at me tentatively, unsure what to do. He looked weary and scared.

"Dad...I'm so...so..." before I could go on, tears started streaming down my face and I broke out into sobs. He rushed over and put his arms around me. I wanted to return the favour but my restraints had my arms practically glued to the bed rails.

"Shh...Bells...it's okay. You don't need to say anything. Just get better okay?" He broke his embrace and placed one and on my cheek while the other brushed back the hair that was plastered to my forehead. The tears were starting to stream down on his face too, but he had a smile. "I'm just so glad you're alive."

"Dad, I need to apologize. What I did was so wrong. Things will be better. I will be better. I promise."

"Bells, I spoke to your mom. She would have been here sooner, but the earliest flight her and Phil could catch was tonight. We discussed you moving back to Jacksonville, once you're up to it." The smile he had just a second ago faded, replaced with a frown and forlorn look in his eyes.

My eyes filled with panic. I couldn't leave. Not now. I may not have Edward in my life, but this is where I first fell in love. Going home with Renee would be like saying what happened here was no more than a dream. No. I couldn't do it. I needed to stay and face my demons. More importantly, I needed time to make things up to Charlie and I needed to be here for Jake the way he was here for me.

"Char...Dad, please don't send me back." My tears started up again. "I love you." I've said those words to Charlie before, but that was the first time that I think they ever held so much feeling. "Please, I want to be with you. I just want to go home." I couldn't say anymore because sobs were racking my body and my nose was starting to run.

Charlie grabbed a tissue off the otherwise empty meal tray and began wiping my face. "Okay, you don't have to go if you don't want to. I'll work it out with your mother." His tentative smile returned, although the worry was still there. At that moment, Charlie looked up at Jake, who at some point moved from his perch to the far corner of the room. Charlie turned beet red as he realized he just had a really emotional moment while forgetting we weren't alone. Jake just smiled and walked over to Charlie, like he was over at the house ready to watch the game. He now towered over him by about six inches. "Hey Charlie, I'm just going to find a doctor so we can spring Bell's here. Why don't you get her stuff ready." Charlie patted Jake on the arm (it would have been too awkward for him to reach up to his shoulder) and said, "Yeah, thanks kid. I owe you one." Jake just brushed it off and said "I'll remember that when you catch me speeding down the 110."

Once the hospital did a psych evaluation, Charlie and I headed home. Jake went back home, but promised to stop by in the morning. I knew that the rest of the school year would be tough, but the first time in six months I had hope that I would make through okay.

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Author's Note: Next Chapter Jasper will make an appearance.


	5. Chapter 5 Satiated

Feb 9, 2011

**Author's Note: **Chapter's two through four were about Bella in the six months after Edward left, which led to Alice's vision in Chapter 1. This is just a glimpse of what Jasper has been up to in the years following the night of the party, including what happened to Jasper right after the incident. There is a lemon so be forewarned.

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**JPOV**

I hated bars. The people were shallow and superficial, which made me feel disgusted. The smell of human blood mixed with alcohol and sweat made my throat burn, but turned my stomach at the same time. I'm sure I would be throwing up if I could. Lust permeated through the air like a fog. All the while I was sporting a painful hard on completely out of my control. I leaned against a pillar near the dance floor and looked over the scene in front of me. _Who will be the lucky candidate? _Not ten feet away from me were a group of women, well girls really, scantily clad and gyrating against each other to the rhythm of the music. They were looking at me as they rubbed up against each other. Every man's wet dream. _If one or all of them go missing, that will not go unnoticed._ Instead I turned my sights to one of the couches in the back. There in the corner she sat alone. Tear streaked cheeks as she sipped her drink. You didn't have to be an empath to sense her sadness. Her skin tone reminded me of caramel. Her jet black hair was tied up in a simple pony tail. She had large almond shape eyes that reminded me of a doe. _Stop! Think humans, not deer._ Her outfit didn't leave much to the imagination. The sequined black tank top hung so low you could see the curve of her perfectly round breasts. It clung to her body to let the viewer appreciate her tiny waist. It was short enough for you peek at her sculpted stomach. Below the waist was a black miniskirt. She had the legs of a dancer. The four inch heels accentuated her calf muscles. As I made my way over to her, mental images of those legs wrapped around my waist, her breasts pressed against my chest while I drained her dry, kept floating in my head. I would have to thank the stupid bastard who clearly left her.

"Um miss? I don't mean to trouble you, but I thought I would check to see if you're alright." Her sadness turned to anger and annoyance at my presence. It was obvious she wasn't looking for company. Her head snapped up ready to lash out, but as she took me in, her feelings were replaced with lust and curiosity. _Some things never change._

"I'm fine. I just needed a minute alone. Thank you for asking." Despite the lack of an invitation I sat down on the ottoman across from her and pulled out a handkerchief from my pocket.

"I don't mean to bother you. It's just you don't seem like you quite belong. Would you like to get out of here? Maybe go some place quieter?" I threw out a dose of calm and trust and like a cat to milk she lapped it up. She nodded and stood up with me as I held my arm out to her. "Do you need to tell anyone you're going?"

"Nope." She said with hurt and anger in her eyes. "My date left."

I flashed my prince charming smile. "Well I guess his loss is my gain, ain't it? Some men just don't know how good they have it." I was rewarded with a smile.

We strolled out into the street. I, being the gentlemen, asked her about her life and her dreams. I'm sure her answers were all very riveting, but it was her body and blood that called to me at the moment, so I took in enough to get me through the conversation as I plotted my next move.

"It's getting late. Should I take you home?"

"I don't think I'm ready yet for the night to end."

I stopped and turned her to face me. "Just because I'm taking you home doesn't mean the night has to end." I leaned in and brushed her lower lip with mine. She responded by putting her arms around my neck and leaning in for more. As I kissed her she mumbled against my lips, "You're right. We can finish this night at my place." I directed her to the black BMW M3 Coup I had parked not too far away from the bar. She took in the car appreciatively as I opened her door. I was lucky for my vampire reflexes as she began to stroke me over my jeans while providing directions to her apartment. I gently held on to her wrists while I lifted her hand off me and placed it on her lap. I felt her hurt and rejection and wanted to let her know tonight was going to be about her. _After all, once the night is over, I'll need breakfast._ "Darlin' let me take care of you tonight." _You'll be taking care of me in the morning. _My hand slowly travelled up her thigh and reached under her skirt. She immediately arched her back and spread her legs open to give me access. First, my finger massaged her slit over her panties. I could feel the lace begin to dampen under my touch. Her breathing became heavy as I pushed the thin material to the side so I could feel her warm moist centre. My forefinger circled her clit which elicited a moan from her lips. Her hips began to thrust as she begged for more. I then began to use my thumb to massage over her clit as my finger slid inside of her. The feel of warmth and moistness against my cool skin made my already hard cock twitch within my jeans. "Cum for me darlin'. I want to see you cum." With that I slid a second finger inside her and pressed my thumb further into her clit moving in slow circular motions. As if on command I could feel her walls tightening around me as she began to cry out in ecstasy. By now I was parked in front of her place. I put the car in park and put my wet finger in my mouth savouring the taste. "That, my dear, was just the pre-show." I leaned in and kissed her, exploring her mouth with my tongue so she could taste herself on me. She was so worked up, I didn't think we were going to make it out of the car, but I couldn't risk anyone seeing me. So I gently pulled away then got out of the car and helped her out as we made our way to her apartment.

Once the apartment door closed, my mouth closed in on hers. I immediately pushed her against the wall of her living room and gave her a helping hand as her legs wrapped around my waist, causing her skirt to rise up over her hips. She was pinned between me and the wall and was using the wall as leverage to grind into my rock hard cock, while her thighs squeezed around my waist like vice grips. I could feel her wetness rubbing over my jeans and the scent of her arousal was thickening the air. I gave her ass a tight squeeze encouraging her to grind into me even harder. Her moans urged me on as my tongue slipped into her hot warm mouth, exploring every inch I could. Her tongue wrapped around mine and battled for dominance as her hand tightly fisted my hair. She liked it rough and I was going to give her the ride of her life. As if reading my mind, she broke away from our kiss long enough to put her lips by ear, "The bedroom is the last room down the hall." My cock strained at the feel of her hot breath in my ear. With my hands still on her ass I moved her body up and down my length as I carried her to the bedroom. Our bodies were still melded together as I lay down on her bed with her straddling on top of me. Now that she didn't need to hold on for balance she lifted her tank top over her head exposing beautiful round breasts. Instead of leaning over to kiss me, she surprised me by riding on top of me while pinching both of her nipples. The friction was almost too much. I could feel my balls tighten and knew I was going to cum before I got to finish. In one swift movement I picked her up, threw her on the bed and hovered over to savour the look of surprise on her face. "I can't let you have all the fun dear." Before she knew it my clothes were off in a split second. I yanked off her miniskirt and panties and sat up on my knees to survey the picture in front of me. Her eyes were clouded with lust. Her lips were red and swollen. Her nipples were hard and her breasts were moving up and down from her heavy breathing. Her stomach was flat and I couldn't help but bring my tongue down to swirl against her belly button. I immediately felt her wetness under me as my tongue explored her body. I let my tongue trail up from her belly button towards her breasts. I teased the tip of her nipples with my tongue causing her to arch into me, begging for more. More than willing to oblige I took her breast in my mouth sucking hard. I could sense her feelings of pleasure and pain. As my mouth busied with her breasts, my hand moved to her core. I gently pinched her clit then began to work my fingers inside of her folds. I thrust two fingers deep inside of her. Her moans quickly turned into cries of ecstasy. I could sense her orgasm about to come. Instead of letting the pleasure overtake her I pulled out and stopped my oral assault on her breasts, resulting in whimpers of protest.

Without giving her time to adjust I rammed myself inside her waiting hot centre as deep as I could. She let out a scream of pleasure, and the pang of pain that shot through her body fuelled my lust. I didn't just move within her. I drilled into her. I placed my hand on her headboard for support as I rammed my hard cock into her tight wet centre. She was so gloriously tight, it took much resolve not to cum on impact. I felt her pleasure begin to crescendo and I stared longingly at the vein pulsing at her neck calling to me like a beacon. As her orgasm hit I bit down on her long beautiful neck. My bite didn't even register to her. My lust amplified her pleasure as I drained her of her blood and filled her with my essence. When I could sense she was about to snap out of her trance I snapped her neck and finished my task. Her body was going limp in my arms and I thrust into her to few more times as I finished my release. Her blood flowed down my throat cooling the burn. I let the warm liquid roll over my tongue to savour the taste. My eyes rolled in the back of my head as my own ecstasy took over. It wasn't just the blood and sex that brought me over the edge. It was also the quiet that comes from the life leaving her body. Not being subjected or influenced by the emotions of others is so peaceful and calming. It's like breathing a sigh of relief.

Once satiated, I looked over the scene to assess the task at hand. I threw my clothes back on and walked around her apartment. All the rooms were neat and minimally furnished. There were no pictures of family or friends. Not even a painting on the wall. Either she had just moved in, or she was truly all alone. I rummaged through her purse and went through her wallet and phone. There were a few pictures of her and some guy, who I assumed was the douche that dumped her at the club. All the appointments noted on her phone seemed to be work related. It was Friday night, so it looked like no one would miss her until earliest Monday. First, pack the body. I wrapped it in an extra shower curtain lining I found in her linen closet. Second, grab some cash. Even though my time with the Cullens left me financially secure for years on end, being alone meant finding new means of income. I packed up all the evidence and jumped out the window. At 3 a.m. in this residential neighbourhood there was no one outside to worry about.

Feeding off of humans during my time with Maria made one lose humanity. Feeling the fear and pain of my victims was awful, but tasting their blood and experiencing the quietness once they died had its pleasure. Dealing with newborns was an entire issue all together. The lack of control, the myriad of violent, angry, and sexual emotions were wearing on my state of mind. That is until Peter came along. He was not a typical newborn from the start. It was like he just knew that we were brothers. The emotions he directed to me were always of friendship and love. Something I never experienced since prior to being turned. He wasn't angry or volatile, but he was one heck of a fighter. Then when Charlotte came into the picture, it was like she was meant for him. Knowing the possibility of true love still existed in our world and realizing that I had never experienced it sent me spiralling into depression. That was when Peter and Charlotte convinced me to leave with them, before I lost every shred of my humanity for good.

When Alice came into my life to show me there was a way to live without killing, I must admit I was sceptical, but who could resist such an enchanting creature. I almost thought she was an angel, I was so entranced by her beauty and character. Her joy was infectious. I must admit hunting animals did have its benefits. There was no fear, panic, sadness to contend with. Clean up was easier. The ability to have an actual home was especially nice. It was these reasons and making Alice happy that kept me on the animal diet. I didn't have the same altruistic feelings about humans that my family did. They did not want to be considered monsters. They valued human life. I did not. I accepted what I was a long time ago. When I saw humans I saw nothing more than a food source. This was the real reason why I had such trouble with the diet. When Edward fell in love with Bella, I didn't understand it. Do humans fall in love with steak? When the family embraced her like a daughter, all I wondered was, do humans keep Pork Roasts as pets? I never understood Alice's attachment to this human girl, but Alice was happy, and when Alice was happy so was I. Edward knew my feelings on this subject and kept Bella at bay. I only started to realise what all the fuss was about during our time in Phoenix. Her love for the entire family was so evident. Even me who she barely knew and Rosalie who never accepted her were loved by this meek little human girl. What astounded me more was her courage and self sacrifice when she made the decision to sacrifice herself in order to save her family by meeting James. Was it foolish? Most definitely, but it was an incredible act of bravery that started breaking down the misconceptions I've held about humans all these years. I wasn't completely reformed, but my mind was starting to open to new possibilities.

I have experienced many horrors in my vampire existence. I have seen and felt things that would have driven others to the brink of madness. None of those things compare to the night of Bella's birthday party. I should have hunted before the party. My resolve was not strong enough to hold back the beast within me. As that one tiny drop fell to the floor I was overcome. My family members felt it too, albeit to a much lesser extent. But having those emotions from everyone (save Carlisle), and the fact that my own personal control was teetering on the fence, it was like I was hit with a tidal wave. Picture a person who just quits smoking. They can stand beside someone who has a cigarette in their hand, with slight discomfort, but able to resist. Now put him in a room with lit Cuban cigars, and everyone around him has taken a drag at the same time. It would be like holding water back from a man dying of thirst. This is something my family could not comprehend. You can't understand it if you don't live it. Alice was horrified. Her emotions ranged from fear, horror, disgust, and hate. She tried to hide it. I could feel her guilt for having those feelings, but by then it was too late. Part of her love for me died when I attacked Bella and the pain of that was more crippling than anything I ever experienced. I also felt the disappointment from Carlisle and Esme, which left me feeling so completely ashamed. No matter what horrible things I have done in the past, shame was not an emotion I was subjected to. I changed my lifestyle because it was easier to handle my gift and because I loved Alice, but shame never really entered the equation. This time however, I was racked with shame and guilt over what I had done. I intended to harm someone who did nothing but love and accept me unconditionally. I felt Emmett's internal conflict. He was angry, but understanding, and then came the pity. Rosalie felt resigned. Like she knew at some point I was bound to fail. My mind was breaking under the pressure. I should have left right then and there, but I needed to be punished. So I sat and awaited my executioner. When Edward came home his rage was all encompassing. He lunged at me, biting into my shoulder. The pain from his venom was excruciating and a blessing all at the same time. At least the physical pain numbed my emotional pain for a time being. Edward wasn't done with me. He threw me about thirty yards into the forest then leapt on top of me. With every blow to the head I could hear the crunch as my bones were crushed under his force. He went to grab my head in an effort to rip it clean off when Alice grabbed him from behind. I don't know what she said to him, but he stopped. His rage turned to despair and he took off into the woods. Alice looked so sad. Her heart was breaking. I felt her love, but it wasn't like before. It was like she was no longer whole. I did that to her. All she ever did was try to save me from myself and I broke her. I broke Edward. I broke my entire family. I couldn't live with this pain. I realised I was, am and always will be a monster. I just looked at my precious wife and said, "I'm sorry. I can't pretend anymore that I fit into this life. I love you Alice. Please go on without me." Then I took off into the woods.

At first I didn't know where to go or what to do. I found a crevice beneath a fallen down oak tree and huddled in the tight space trying to block out all the emotions I experienced in just 2 short hours. The only emotion I could feel was hate. I hated myself. I don't know how long I stayed there. Day turned into night, night turned into day. I would have stayed longer if I hadn't heard Edward's and Bella's voices in the distance.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me"

"You… don't… want me?"

"No."

"Well, that changes things."

"Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… _tired _of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human. I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't. Don't do this."

"You're not good for me, Bella."

I couldn't listen any longer. Edward was clearly lying to protect her. It was breaking him apart. His pain was intense. I don't know how he said those things with such calm. What he couldn't know though was the effect he was having on Bella. She sounded upset, but she was feeling an overwhelming amount of desolation. Not only was he tearing himself apart, he was shredding her to pieces. Their combined pain hit me like sledge hammer. I had to get away, so I took off running. All I kept thinking about was how this was my entire fault. I tried to kill a loved one. I broke apart my wife, destroyed my brother, and now I was breaking this poor girl once again. Edward wouldn't have left her if it weren't for me.

I kept running until I came upon the scent of two hikers. I still hadn't hunted and the emotional turmoil was enough to put me in a tailspin. _You're a monster. Stop denying who you are. Take what belongs to you. _The scent of humans enveloped my entire being. Within minutes I had drained them both. I looked at their lifeless bodies before me and realised that I made my choice. I knew who I was now.

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**A/N:** Next Chap, Bella and Jasper finally meet.


	6. Chapter 6 Can't Escape the Past

Feb 11, 2011

A/N: Here we are folks. Bella and Jasper finally meet. I will be posting the next chapter tomorrow.

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Chapter 6 – Can't Escape the Past

**BPOV**

"_You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."_

Today would make it three years since Edward spoke those words and I'm still replaying them in my head. If they were true maybe I wouldn't have this feeling like a part of me is forever gone. I'm finishing up my last term at Seattle U. I call Charlie every Sunday to give him an update on how well things are going. I chat with Jake at least three times a week. On the surface, I'm doing well, but the hole in my chest is still there. My heart is still empty as I mourn the loss of a love that I didn't deserve. Every year on this day I stay at home. I wonder if he's found another distraction. I wonder if he still thinks about me. I wonder if Alice misses me as much as I miss her. I wonder if Jasper has forgiven himself. I think about Jasper a lot. I knew how he struggled more than the others with his thirst. My clumsiness caused him to attack me. His ability to emit emotions was not lost on me. I could feel the lust for my blood. I could feel his horror when he realised what he had done. I could feel his anguish and remorse as he fled the scene. The ability to feel what someone else is feeling so completely like it's your own is surreal. It's like a window into one's soul, and at that moment I realized I shattered Jasper's. I was so lost in my own sorrow, that I didn't consider Jasper's feelings until I came out of the hospital. When I took the time to reflect on all the events I realised how selfish I was. It was all about my heart. I should have been worrying about those around me who were also hurting. Since then I go to bed every night whispering "I'm sorry Jasper. Please forgive me," hoping that my whispers would somehow travel to his ears.

While much of the day is spent reflecting on the loss of my vampire family, I also make a point to reflect on my warm blooded one, for it's them that I live for. I can't help but go over the events that brought me closer than ever to Jake.

When I got out of the hospital I vowed to put the pieces of my life back together. I went back to school amidst the stares and whispers finishing with honours. Being the freak who tried to kill herself had one benefit. My classmates generally stayed away and didn't ask questions. Mike was the only person who didn't seem to get the memo. I guess he blamed himself for what happened. He followed me around like a puppy around school. It wasn't until he came banging on my door and confessed that he loved me did I take drastic measures. I told him I didn't love him and never would. He was so angry. He just started screaming at me, _"Cullen doesn't love you. Did you thinking trying to kill yourself would make him come back?" _The words tore at my soul, but before I could generate a reaction, Jake barged in. I don't think I have ever seen a scarier sight. His six foot seven frame was shaking with anger. He stalked over to Mike, grabbing him by the neck and lifting him off the ground. "Apologize." He hissed. By this time my shock was wearing off and I was hanging on to Jake's bulging bicep begging him to let Mike go. Jake dropped Mike to the floor where he lay crumpled like a thrown away toy, but Jake was still shaking like he was having a seizure. This was bad. Whatever was going on with Jake, it looked like he was doing his best to contain it, and I'm sure he didn't want Mike to witness. "Mike, I think you better go now. Don't ever come back." Mike did not need me to repeat the request. He scrambled out of the house so fast, I think I saw a trail of smoke behind him. As I closed the door behind Mike, I heard the sound of cloth ripping. When I turned around, standing over shreds of Jake's clothes was a VERY large russet coloured wolf. It let out a deafening roar, and then I fainted.

When I came to, Jake was hovering over me wearing nothing but a pair of Charlie's old sweatpants, which were clearly too small for his large frame. I surveyed the kitchen which was in complete disarray, then looked up at him and mumbled, "Jake, I think you have some explaining to do."

Now you would think that hearing the news that my best friend is actually a werewolf would send me screaming, but the truth is, after finding out your boyfriend is a vampire, nothing much fazes you. I simply wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him close to me. "I love you no matter what Jake, but your ass is cleaning this kitchen." His smile lit up the room. After that we started cleaning up the kitchen and it was like old times. He talked about how he found out, how the pack helped him deal with who he was, the fact that they can hear each other's thoughts while in wolf form, the fact that by birthright he should be pack leader even though he doesn't want to be. I didn't say anything, just quietly listened as I swept up the broken dishes from the floor. It crossed my mind that I've been a horrible friend not to have noticed or been there when clearly Jake was going through shit of his own. When he was finished telling me his tale he pulled me in a tight bear hug.

"You were the one who got me through when I was scared you know. All those times I would come over just to chill out and talk. It would take my mind off of things. It sucks having everyone hear all your thoughts all the time or look at you with expectations in their eyes. You never expected anything out of me. You just let me be who I am. I know that you were hurting, but it felt like my being here made things better for you, which made things better for me."

Tears were threatening to fall. "I know this probably wasn't the way you wanted to tell me, but I'm glad I know. I don't want you to ever feel you have to hide anything from me. Just consider this place your safe house if you ever need to get away.

In true Jake form he responded, "No worries there. I love your lasagne." Then proceeded to throw a wet dirty rag at me.

Since that day Jake and I have been pretty much inseparable, even with me away at school. Last year Jake imprinted on a girl who lives at La Push, and he has been happier than ever. Vanessa has been the best thing that has ever happened to him. She makes him happy and calls him on his bullshit. She has also been very accepting of me, for which I've been grateful. I've never had a girlfriend until her, and now I can't imagine my life without her either. It's nice to talk to another girl who knows and shares our secrets on the supernatural. It makes me feel a little less like a psych patient.

By 11:00p.m. I felt I did enough wallowing. I decided to take a stroll along the waterfront. It was chilly and dark, so I was pretty much alone. I loved staring out over the water at night. The dark abyss felt cathartic. It reminded me of the beach at La Push, where Jake first told me about the "Cold Ones". It reminded me of the darkness of the woods where I lay after Edward shattered my heart. It reminded me of the darkness that overtook me when I laid down in the bathtub ready to end my life, and the resolve I had afterwards to live it. Just then I was hit with such a sense of guilt. It compelled me to whisper in the wind my bedtime ritual. "I'm sorry Jasper. Please forgive me." As I rolled these thoughts over in my head I felt an overwhelming sense of calm. It was eerie. I didn't know where these feelings were coming from.

_When was the last time you felt feelings that you didn't think you generated on your own? _

Slowly I turned around. There was a heaviness in my chest and a lump stuck in my throat. Behind me, about three yards away he stood, more beautiful than I remembered. Dark jeans hugged his tall lean legs. Despite the chill in the air, his light blue shirt was unbuttoned revealing a white undershirt which clung to the muscular contours of this chest. His pale skin seemed to glow under the lamplight and his blond curls hung around his eyes. He was breathtaking.

At first he just stared at me. We stood there in silence taking the sight of each other in. He wasn't smiling and his facial expression unreadable. He was doing his best to mask his emotions. It then dawned on me that my last utterance was in reference to him. I'm sure he heard me, after all he did have vampire hearing. Did he forgive me? Slowly he sauntered towards me. He kept his hands in his pockets as a non threatening gesture. As he got closer I could see him clearer, and gasped at the sight of his eyes. They were violet. Not the beautiful amber that haunts my dreams. I'm sure any normal woman would have swooned over those eyes. In fact, I'm sure many have. But knowing what I know, it meant the hue came from blue contacts, a disguise to hide the more sinister red irises that I knew lurked behind. I knew I should have felt fear. It was quite clear he no longer held onto a vegetarian diet. Instead, all I could feel was happy. Here standing in front of me was the family I have missed for so long. I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out. I was at a loss for words. I was so thankful when Jasper broke the silence.

"Bella? You're alive?"

_Okay, not the words I was expecting to hear _"Um...yes. Were you expecting otherwise?"

Unexpectedly Jasper fell to his knees and began sobbing tearlessly. My heart broke for him as I crouched down beside him, resting my head on his shoulder and pulled him into a hug. I rubbed his back to calm the convulsions and slowly rocked him back and forth.

**JPOV**

I discarded the remnants from my last meal. It should tide me over for a few weeks until I reach Fairfield, Montana. Most of my time these last few years has been spent in Northern Alberta. In and around the oil sands it's easy to find a meal with the large number of migrant workers. When I wasn't feeding I was brooding. About six months after I broke my already dead heart by leaving Alice, I received a call from Carlisle. I'm not even sure why I bothered keeping a phone. I guess part of me hoped I would find a way back to them. When I heard his voice I knew it couldn't be good.

"Jasper...?"

"What's wrong Carlisle?"

At first there was just silence on the phone. I began to feel a weight settle in my chest.

"Jasper, I know you don't consider me your father, and truth be told, I have always found you too mature to be considered a son, but please believe me when I tell you that we consider you family. We miss you and need you. I have some news, but hope that you can come home so we can tell you in person. We need each other more than ever now."

"Carlisle, I'm not coming back. I was not meant for your world. I've accepted that, and you should too. If you have something to say, just say it now, otherwise leave me to my eternal damnation."

"I'm sorry you feel that way. Just know that we are here for you. We will always want you and need you in our existence."

I didn't respond. If he was going tell me whatever it was he felt I should know he was going to have to spill it over the phone. I heard a heavy sigh on the end of the line.

"Jasper, I am sorry to tell you, Alice, Edward, and Bella are no longer with us." His tone was strangely formal. I'm sure it's the same tone he had when giving similar news to the families of patients who had died at the hospital. My brain was trying very hard to register the words. A million questions were swarming around my head. Carlisle anticipating this, continued. "Alice had a vision. I'm afraid Bella, unable to cope, has ended her life. Unfortunately Edward was also privy to this information by accessing Alice's thoughts. He went to Italy to provoke the Volturi in hopes of ending his own life. Alice followed him in a vain attempt to save him. Instead, both of them were killed for revealing themselves to humans within the walls of Volterra. Aro has just notified me of these events."

I took in Carlisle's words. "Alice is dead? Bella and Edward are dead?"

"I'm so sorry Jasper. Come home. We all need each other now more than ever."

Instead of answering him, I realised I crushed the phone into oblivion. Bella ended her life. I knew the impact of Edward's words that day in the forest. I felt her pain has he crushed her spirit. Instead of doing something about it, I ran like a coward. Now she is gone. I can never make it up to her. My actions caused Edward to leave the only person he has ever loved in his over one hundred years of existence. He could never heal from that. Then finding out his efforts to protect her killed her instead. How can one overcome that? My poor Alice. She would have been no match for the guards. If I had stayed I could have done something. Now she's gone. Her light would no longer shine on this earth.

It's been two and half years since that phone call. I hadn't heard from my family since. They had no way of contacting me and I chose not to contact them. I was roaming around Fort McMurray when I smelled the scent of another vampire. It's been a long time since I came across another of my kind. Immediately I went into military mode and prepared an offensive attack. I rounded the corner of the alley where I expected my potential opponent to be lurking and sure enough in a crouch ready to attack was a vampire. He was probably in his thirties when he was turned. His light brown hair was tied in with a leather strap. He looked like he belonged in one of those Volkswagen Type 2 vans, you know, the kind that hippies used to express their "make love, not war" message in the 60's. He was right to get into a fighting position. My scars were a tell tale sign that I was dangerous, that I was less than civilized, that I was a threat. I sent him a wave of calm first. It helps to get a better reading of the situation I'm dealing with. As he took me in, I felt his sense of recognition, then a feeling of relief. Relief is not an emotion I'm used to sensing when others see me.

"You must be Jasper. I was hoping I would find you in my travels."

"I don't know you. What do I have that you could possibly want?"

"Ah my friend. No need to be apprehensive. My name is Garrett. I am actually a friend of Carlisle's..." he chuckled, "...despite his English lineage. I guess we can't all be perfect. I saw him and his family about a year ago in Montana. It's a shame really. News of his son and daughter's death over the life of a human has spread over our small community."

I growled at the cavalier way he spoke. Who was he to judge? I wanted to rip him to shreds for disrespecting Alice's memory. Sensing my anger, he quickly back peddled.

"I mean no disrespect Jasper. Only that I bear witness to the grief the remaining Cullens are going through. While I was there Carlisle mentioned that you had gone off on your own. He is quite worried about you."

"Well, you can tell Carlisle that I still exist in this world during your next visit."

"Jasper, you need to go back to them. They need you more than ever. Prior to the demise of your beloved wife and brother, the Volturi were quite concerned over your little family. Your coven not only had powerful and gifted vampires, but this vegetarian lifestyle was also considered a threat. Living amongst humans for such lengths of time risks our anonymity. Edward falling in love with a human was proof of that. They used Edward's vulnerable state as an excuse to rid themselves of a potential risk, but that doesn't mean the Cullens' still don't pose a threat. As long as they choose to live with humans, they are viewed as a threat to our existence."

"Are you saying they're in danger?"

"The Volturi won't make another move against Carlisle without provocation. I hear they have sent scouts to spy on your family. It's only a matter of time before they find an excuse to destroy the rest of them. Carlisle isn't stupid. He knows what's going on and is treading lightly. The more support he has the better."

"Vampires, especially nomads, aren't known for their compassionate nature. How do I know this isn't some sort of trick? For all I know you could be luring me to the Cullens to ensure the Volturi destroy me too. One less person to avenge their deaths. Why shouldn't I just destroy you now?"

"Ah Jasper. I know of your empathic abilities. If I was lying or meant you any harm, I'm sure you would know and would have destroyed me by now. You're right though. I am not a compassionate person by any means, but Carlisle and I go back hundreds of years, and if I can convince you to go back home it would be a small chip at the great debt I owe him for the compassion he has shown me over the years. I'm not blind. Even if your body didn't carry the evidence of your abilities, your name holds much weight in our world. I'm sure you're aware of what people call you – the God of War. But there would be no adventure if I didn't seek you out and after hundreds of years, one must find some adventure to keep life interesting."

I didn't sense anything of a sinister nature. He spoke the truth. His concern and regard for Carlisle were genuine. There was definitely fear in addressing me, but it was paired with excitement. This vampire was an adrenaline junky. I felt almost a connection to him. The excitement of battle was such a high. The prospect of meeting death made victory that much more satisfying. I knew I had to go to Montana. I let Edward down when I attacked the woman he loved. I let Bella down when I let Edward break her heart. I let Alice down when I abandoned her. When did the God of War become a coward? Today this shit stops. If the Volturi guards take out the Cullens, they will have to take down a Whitlock first.

"Well Garrett, consider your quest complete. I think I'll take your advice and head home to my family. I trust that we have your support should things come to a head?"

"I've never been one to bow to authority. I was thinking of heading up to Denali. Carlisle informed me there is a coven there that would be welcoming. Reach me there should you feel the need to seek assistance."

That was as close to a goodbye as we were going to get. We both took off in separate directions. Fairfield, Montana was practically dead south of Fort McMurray. While I knew time was of the essence, I wasn't sure how ready I was go home. I decided to take the scenic route and head southwest to Seattle. The last time I was close to the area was our time in Forks. I would have gone to Forks directly, but I would have been too tempted to seek out my home with Alice and I didn't know if my heart could take that. I would have also been too tempted to visit Bella's grave, and I couldn't risk being scene. At the very least in Seattle I can reminisce over the million shopping trips Alice dragged me to. _How I wouldn't give to have her drag me to one more store now. _

It was nightfall and I was strolling along the waterfront. I stopped to gaze at the water expanding out in front of me. Seattle having a significant number of cloudy days was a haven for Alice and me. We would walk along this same path holding hands like any other normal couple. At least I could say that I experienced love and happiness even if it was for a relatively short period time in the forever that will be my existence.

Lost in contemplative thought, I noticed a woman approximately thirty yards away from me, also in deep thought. At first I could feel a deep sorrow emitting from her. Its intensity almost brought me to my knees. She looked so calm staring out into the ocean. No one would guess the level of suffering she was experiencing. Strangely I then began to feel a sense of strength and resolve coming from her. The strength of her spirit was inspiring. I'm not used to feeling such powerful emotions from humans. Yes they feel, but their emotions are usually fleeting. The majority of time humans' emotions are spent in the shallow end of the pool, but this was a woman whose well ran deep. As the wind blew I took in her scent and immediately became as still as a statue at its familiarity. Lavender and Freesias; the last time I took in that scent was Bella's birthday party, and then a few days later in the woods. The memories of my failures flooded back and I became racked with guilt. _Was it her? It couldn't be._ Like a dream coming to life, I heard her whisper "I'm sorry Jasper. Please forgive me." Thinking that she knew I was there I closed the gap between us and stood behind her about three yards, but then realized she was not talking to anyone directly. _Here she was like an angel. Instead of condemning me for ruining her life she was asking for my forgiveness._ _Why would she need my forgiveness? _I couldn't handle another onslaught of sorrow, so I emitted a dose of calm in her direction. Bella, being more intuitive than I gave her credit for, looked like a light bulb went off in her head.

She turned around slowly and I did everything I could to hide the shock I was feeling. Clearly she was not dead. In fact the years were more than kind. Her skin was still pale to the point of being translucent. It shone against the dark richness of her hair. In fact it was difficult to pinpoint what exactly changed. The Bella I knew was shy and almost gawky. It was like there was always an unanswered question that she was afraid to ask. This Bella knew who she was. She had the answers to those questions and carried herself with an air of quiet grace. I was going to say something to her, but then noticed her eyes flicker with recognition. Not of me, but of my eye color. She was trying to speak, but the words escaped her. It was the first time in almost three years that I felt shame. I was only able to say the next three words.

"Bella? Your alive?" _Hello fucktard! She's obviously alive. Is that the best you could come up with?_

Clearly Bella was thinking the same thing. "Um...yes. Were you expecting otherwise?"

In my head I was screaming. _Yes I was expecting Otherwise! If you're alive what the fuck happened? How could Alice have missed this? _I felt my anger rise. Edward ended his life on the premise that this girl was dead. Alice followed him, which led to her own demise. For what? For a misunderstanding? Part of me wanted to lash out, but part of me was just so...happy? Relieved? I don't know what I'm feeling (that's kind of a first). Her presence was bringing back all the pain, the guilt, and yet for the first time in three years I had hope. The weight of it all was too crushing. I fell to my knees under the heaviness that had settled in my chest were my heart should be. My body may not need oxygen to survive, but I found myself gasping for air as tearless sobs shook my being.

My state had only begun to calm when I felt two small arms wrap themselves around me in a surprisingly strong embrace. I could feel the softness of her hair under my chin as she brought her head to my shoulder. I felt the warmth and tenderness of her delicate hands moving up and down my spine in a soothing gesture. I hadn't felt comfort like this since shortly after Alice found me. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I needed to know, but in that moment I just wanted to revel in the comfort that this divine creature was bestowing on me. After all, who knew how long it could last?


	7. Chapter 7 Tension Release

**BPOV**

We sat on the ground for I'm not sure how long. Eventually I felt his sobs subside and he became as still as a statue. His body was cold and hard as granite, it kind of did feel like I was hugging a statue. Clearly, he was not the same Jasper as the one who left me in Forks. He seemed less human. The Cullens were experts at mimicking human behaviour. They did things like breath, make occasional movements, and engage in small talk. Jasper was silent in both sound and body language. It must mean he hasn't been around humans in a long while. _So why are you hanging on to a human feeding vampire who hasn't been around humans in a long time, not to mention that said vampire tried to kill you last time you saw each other?_ As the rational part of my brain kicked into gear, I slowly released him and sat back to get a better view. His eyes weren't black, so I knew he at least wasn't hungry. Even on the ground, after experiencing such anguish he was a sight to be seen. This is the closest I have ever been to Jasper. He always kept his distance and I was so entranced by Edward or distracted by Alice that I never took in how truly beautiful he was. Physically he was a compromise between Edward and Emmett. He was taller and had more muscle definition than Edward, but was smaller in height and stature compared to Emmett. I wondered how Jasper ever passed for a high school student. There was an edge to his features that made him seem older, like someone who was aged by hardship. It made me wonder what his life was like before becoming immortal. I could have sat there all night, but realised the autumn chill was starting to make my fingers go numb.

"Jasper, it's getting cold. Do you have a place to stay?"

He chuckled..._Oh right, he doesn't get cold remember? Hence the no jacket._

"No. I wasn't planning on staying for a significant amount of time, but this changes things."

Not exactly sure what "this" was, but I didn't think now was the time to go there. Truthfully, I didn't want him to go. When they left they took everything with them. I ached every day longing to see these people who I considered family again. All I had left were my memories and pain. Now that Jasper was here, I wanted to hang on to him for dear life. I didn't care that he killed people, I didn't care that he tried to kill me. His presence made the hole in my chest a little smaller and made the weight I carried around with me a little lighter. If he left it would be like losing all of them all over again.

"If you're comfortable with the idea, you could stay with me. I have a spare room."

He didn't say anything, but nodded in agreement. When I blinked I realised he was now standing with hand outstretched to help me up. It takes a while getting used to vampire speed. Guess I'll have to get used to it all over again. I put my hands in his as he helped me to my feet. He went to let go, but I couldn't ease my grip. I was afraid the minute I let go he would disappear. I was embarrassed by my reaction, which of course he knew, so he just smiled and let me lead the way.

I had a two bedroom apartment downtown. The rent was steep, but when I saw it I knew I had to have it. It was the first time that I felt like I needed something for myself. I had money from my student loans, a part time job at the library and Charlie helped me out with my car payments so I could have this. I think he was just so glad to see me excited about something he would have taken a second job himself so I could have this apartment. It was especially important because I didn't have a social life to speak of, so I spent a good chunk of my time at home.

I led Jasper inside, giving him the quick tour. He still hadn't spoken since the waterfront. Based on his earlier assumption of my demise, I knew he had a lot of questions, but neither of us seemed up to it. Whatever he wanted to know looked like it could wait till morning. I was thankful for that. My nerves were frayed by this point. I didn't think I could handle another ride on the emotional rollercoaster that this night seemed to be dishing out. I showed him his room, the bathroom where he could freshen up, then made myself a cup of tea. Leaning over the kitchen counter with a steaming cup in my hands was my little moment of bliss. I don't think about my troubles. I just enjoy the silence. Into my third sip I realised that Jasper would probably need some fresh clothes. I had some old sweats from Charlie that would probably fit so I grabbed them from the bottom of my closet and went to deposit them in Jasper's room. Just as I set them down and turned to leave I came face to face with Jasper in the doorway. He must have thought I had retired for the evening because he was wearing nothing but a white towel which hung low on his hips. My breath caught in my throat. Before me stood Adonis. His wet blond locks clung to the nape of his neck. The muscles traveled down his neck, then down his shoulders to his perfect biceps. Droplets of water glistened against his stone chest. My eyes followed a trail of water as it traveled down his chest over the hills and valleys of his abs as it disappeared into the edge of the towel. His legs were long and muscular like a quarterback. My temperature began to rise and a pulse went through my core as I took in the sight. All I could think about was what was underneath that tiny towel.

_Um...the vampire that you're lusting after is an empath doorknob! _My embarrassment was at an all time high. I could feel the red creep up my face as Jasper just looked at me with a raised eyebrow. _Awe crap, this can't be happening. _

"I...uh...just thought...uh...that you might like to change...these are Charlie's...they should fit...I'll just...um give you some privacy."

Jasper stepped aside to let me pass and I practically ran to my room. I threw myself on my bed and buried my face in the pillow. What the hell came over me? This was just so wrong. He's Alice's husband. Edward's brother. I should not be feeling this way. I don't know what led him here. It was clear that he wasn't with the Cullens anymore. I have no idea why Alice isn't with him. I tried to brush off the day's events as I got ready for bed. Lying there, I couldn't get Jasper's image out of my head. The only person who ever made me feel this way was Edward, and he made it quite clear that he was not interested in moving beyond kissing. The only person I've been with was Mike and there were no feelings there. I desperately needed a release. Revelling in the sensation I put my hand to my breast. At first I pictured Edward hovering over me, but it brought back too many painful emotions. I couldn't picture Mike, the thought made my stomach turn. I stroked the underside of my breast as I pictured Jasper's hands there. My thumb ghosted over the nipple and I gasped as hardened under my touch. My other hand made its way under my pyjama bottoms. My fingers slid over the wet folds and I had to stifle my groan so Jasper wouldn't hear. I massaged my clit imagining what it would feel like if it were Jasper's fingers instead. Needing more, I slid one finger in, slowly moving it inside and out. I could feel the pressure in me started to build as I my hips began to thrust meeting the rhythm of my hand. I added a second finger and added more pressure to my clit as I felt my walls clench and a wave of pleasure. At the height of my orgasm Jasper's name escaped my lips, then I drifted off to sleep from the fatigue of this emotional day.

**JPOV**

I couldn't help but laugh as Bella ran out of the room. She obviously liked what she saw. I guess that was the benefit of her human eyes. She couldn't see the scars that mark me as the monster that I truly am. I threw the towel over a chair that stood in the corner and lay down on the bed. My mind was reeling from the day's events. I wanted to bombard Bella with so many questions, but I could tell there was no way she could handle bringing up her past tonight. We have done her so much wrong. How she could comfort me as I sobbed like a girl, open her home to me, or look at me with desire, was perplexing. If I was in her position I probably would have ripped the person limb from limb by now, but I guess that's what makes her human and me a damned soul.

I closed my eyes in an effort to find some peace. Just as my body was beginning to relax, I felt a surge of lust assail me. My cock immediately stood to attention and my own desire began to build as I heard Bella's breath quicken and become more laboured. In her efforts to seek release, she was giving me a serious hard on. I reached down and circled my member, which was throbbing under the pressure. My finger glided over the tip as I let the moistness that had gathered coat the rest of my shaft. I began to stroking myself in sync with her breathing. It's been so long since she's been around us. She probably had no idea that I could hear and feel her through the walls. As she brought herself closer to the edge of pleasure she would let out a small whimper. I bet she didn't realise the tantalizing sounds that were escaping her as she was caught up in rapture. I pictured her head thrown back against the pillow in pleasure, her lips slightly parted as she writhed in ecstasy. My hand was griping more tightly and moving at a faster pace. I was on the brink, but wanted to hear her cum first. As she climaxed, I heard her call my name softly. The realization that it was me in her thoughts as she entered into her state of bliss brought me release. My lower half convulsed and my eyes rolled to the back of my head as I let the convulsions overtake my body. Never have I come like that from simply pleasuring myself. I knew it was impossible for vampires to feel tired, but my body felt completely spent. I laid there for a bit till I was sure Bella was asleep then made my way to the shower to clean up (again). I couldn't believe the effect this human was having on me. I felt her intense pain and sorrow. She was able to calm and comfort me in my time of need, and now she brought me to the brink of pure pleasure. Just the thought of what happened in the bedroom made me hard again forcing me to seek relief again in the shower. If I didn't get out of there I was going to do something that I might regret.

I needed to hunt. Now that I was staying at Bella's I had to weigh the new risks involved. The thought of killing a human when I was obviously so drawn to one who was just a few feet away also seemed wrong. I put my jeans back on, but exited her apartment shirtless, then took off at vampire speed to Wenatchee National Forest. Like riding a bicycle again, I took down three elk. I felt strangely proud of myself for being able to go back to the animal diet. I felt like less of a monster. I buried the evidence and looked up at the stars hoping that maybe Alice would see me and be proud of me too. In an odd way it felt like I was coming home and home was now where Bella was. When I got back to the apartment, I cleaned up (yet again), put on the clothes that Bella had kindly set out for me and settled in with a book while I waited for morning.

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Feb 12, 2011

A/N: Not much lemons, but I couldn't have them jump in the sack at the first sight of each other. Hope you liked it.


	8. Chapter 8 Start Explaining

Feb 14, 2011

A/N: Just wanted to say a quick thank you to those of you who have reviewed, and put me on your alert list. It's a great feeling to know other people like my story (especially since I'm definitely not a writer).

* * *

**BPOV**

_Was last night for real or was that just a dream?_

It was the first time in years that I slept that sound. I wasn't plagued by nightmares, nor did I wake up screaming or in a panicked state. It's been so long since I had a dreamless night I wondered if meeting Jasper was real. That was until noticed the aroma of coffee wafting through the air. I was not alone. Jasper was in a terrible state last night and I managed to completely embarrass myself. I got up, threw a robe over my yoga pants and tank top and headed for the kitchen feeling like a criminal about to face the firing squad. This was not going to be comfortable.

Jasper, aware that I was awake, had a poured cup of java and left it sitting at the breakfast bar. Like the night before, he was still as a statue and his face masked whatever it was that he was thinking. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the first sip of the day. When I opened them Jasper was staring at me intently. His red eyes had specks of gold. I'm sure he could sense my relief. Whatever was going on with him, there was still a chance he could find his way back home. Since it was clear he was not going to say anything I thought I would break the ice.

"Good Morning. Was the rest of your evening satisfactory?"

"Yes."

_Okay, not in for small talk. Might as well get down to business. _"Why are you here Jasper?"

"I was just passing through when I saw you last night. You're supposed to be dead."

_Doesn't really answer my question, and now I'm even more confused._ "Why would you think I'm dead?"

"Carlisle called to let me know Alice had a vision of you ending your life." Jasper grabbed me by the wrists and lifted up the sleeve of my robe revealing scars of my past. I tried to pull my arm away but his grip held firm. Even though he was cutting off the circulation, I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was hurting me. I looked at him defiantly and when I didn't speak, he continued. "Obviously she was partially correct. Before I continue, you need to explain this." He voice was not gentle. He almost hissed out the words.

My first reaction was to be angry. _Who was he to make demands? He's in my home and it was his actions that brought me to that place. _The moment those thoughts crossed my mind guilt started seeping in. It wasn't his fault for being what he is. He did what came naturally. I'm the freak of nature that fell in love with a vampire and can't open a fucking present without spilling blood. If I wasn't such a fuck-up Edward would have never left. Just the thought of his name was like a knife in my chest. ...

"Bella, your mood swings are giving me whiplash..." gee, _where have I heard that before? "_...you need calm down and start from the beginning."

He didn't send out a dose of calm like I expected he would. I appreciated the fact that he was letting me control my emotions in spite of its effects on him. I figured I would throw him a bone and give him an answer.

"After my birthday, Edward came to me. He told me that you all had left and he was going too. He admitted that he didn't want me to come with him, that I wasn't good for him and that he was tired of pretending. He basically took my heart and shattered it. I may have been alive, but my soul died when you left. I couldn't cope so I did what I had to do to make the hurting stop. Jake found me before I died and made me realise that no matter how much pain I was in I had to keep going on for Charlie. If it wasn't for the fact that Charlie needed me and I had Jake to lean on I probably wouldn't be here."

As I gave my little speech I could see the resolve in Jasper's face dissolving. There was a flicker of sadness, and a spark, like a light bulb went off in his head. I wasn't ready to elaborate more than what I've divulged. It was his turn, yet he just stood there staring with his death grip still intact.

"Okay, your turn. But first I would like my wrist back. If Alice saw what I did, didn't she see me survive? Why did Carlisle have to call you? Why wasn't Alice with you in the first place, and where is she now?"

He looked at his hand holding me, and slowly released his grip. He took a large unneeded breadth. _It's about time he did something human._

"After your birthday I too was crushed. I could feel the disappointment, anger, and even some hate from my family. It was too overwhelming. If I could attack someone I thought of as part of my family, I realised that there was no hope for me. I am and always will be a monster. Before I go on, I have to a confession to tell you and then some news that will be difficult for you to hear. I know you don't like the idea of me manipulating your emotions, but I'm asking your permission to keep you calm."

_This can't be good. _I simply nodded in agreement.

"You trust me? I don't understand you. I've tried to kill you. I abandoned you. I've done nothing to earn your trust."

"Jasper, if I could explain it I would. Just please continue."

"I was so distraught I ran off into the woods and stayed there for days. I ended up hearing Edward's words to you. I felt your heart break. What you don't know is that Edward lied to you that night. He was distraught over what happened. He felt that there was no hope for the two of you and that the only way to keep you safe was to leave. He thought if you had a clean break with nothing to hang on to you would move on. He loved you more than his own existence. You were his world. He was in agony when he said those words to you. I don't even know how he managed to say them. Then when he could see that you believed him, it was like he was dying all over again. I knew what this was doing to him, but worse, I knew what this was doing to you. I should have confronted Edward then and told him that he was making a mistake. Your combined pain, on top of my own was too much. Like a coward I ran. I owe you a debt for the pain that I caused you. No amount of apologies can make up for that."

I could feel the waves of calm and his underlying sadness as he spoke. I couldn't be angry with Jasper. I know the effect our emotions have on him. More importantly, Edward loves me. He still loves me. It gave me hope that we could be together. My aging was always such an issue with me, but I didn't care if I was 20 and he was only 17. I just knew I had to go to him. We could still be together. The love and hope in my heart swelled. It didn't register with me that something wasn't right with Jasper, until he raised his voice.

"Bella, stop it! I can feel your love and hope and it's only making things worse. You need to let me finish. This story does not have a happy ending."

I was confused. But I didn't want to upset him any further, so I just nodded and let him continue.

"I was on my own for about six months when I received Carlisle's call. He informed me that Alice had a vision of you ending your life. Edward saw her vision and went to end his life by provoking the wrath of the Voluturi. Alice went to stop Edward and died along with him in the process. They are both gone Bella. I'm so sorry. "

Jasper's words hit me like a bucket of ice water. He spoke quickly, as if he was trying to rip off a band-aid, but it wasn't helping. As far as my heart had soared just a minute ago, my spirits sunk to a low that I did not think was possible. My chest was going to explode. I suddenly couldn't breathe. _Alice and Edward are gone? Forever? _No amount of calm could quiet the storm brewing inside me. Jasper was hurting too, but he was putting his own feelings aside to ensure I was okay. I wasn't.

Before I knew it, I had collapsed on the kitchen floor screaming. My head was going to explode. They were dead and it was my entire fault. I was the selfish bitch who decided slitting my wrists and ending my grief was more important than the people I loved. Not just Charlie. Edward loved me and died because of that love. Alice died because of me. Jasper was alone because of me. It was all making sense now. Why Jasper was alone. Why he gave up his peaceful way of life. This was my entire fault. There were no more second chances. Edward is gone forever. I don't know how long I was on the floor. I'm not sure when I registered that I wasn't there alone. There were two strong arms around me and my head was buried against a cold stone chest. My pain was so unbearable; I would have fallen apart if Jasper hadn't been holding me together. At some point numbness took over. There were no more tears left to cry, my eyes hurt, my nose was stuffed up, my throat was raw. I was vaguely aware that Jasper was holding me, rocking back and forth while rubbing my back, much like I was doing for him just last night. Sensing that I was somewhat okay now he lightened his hold and pulled back to look at my face. He looked sad and concerned. His eyes were black as onyx. Our close proximity must have been troubling him terribly. I didn't trust my voice yet so I just stared.

"Bella, I'm so sorry for all the pain I caused you. There is more to this story, but I don't want to hurt you any further."

My voice was so hoarse it came out as a ragged whisper. "Please continue, but if you need to hunt I can wait."

**JPOV**

Holding her felt foreign. Her body was so warm. I could feel it seeping into me, making my body temperature a little closer to hers. As her warmth enveloped me, so did her excruciating pain. It was agony and bliss at once. It wasn't just the heat and sorrow that resonated from her that caused these conflicted emotions within me. I had to swallow the pooling venom in my mouth as I took in her scent. My throat was on fire. Her blood was intoxicating. What made it all that much was worse was the burgeoning desire that was growing within me. For the past two and half years my blood and sexual lust was quenched by the same source. As she collapsed to the floor her robe came off pooling at her feet. She was only wearing a pair of tight yoga pants that hugged her beautiful tight round ass and highlighted her long sensual legs. Her tank top revealed the curves of her breasts which were heaving as she sobbed. Her midriff was exposed as the tiny piece of material rode up which showed the soft creamy skin of her perfectly flat stomach. Images of her writhing below me in ecstasy as I drained her flashed through my mind and these goddamn too small sweatpants were getting even tighter. It was then that I shut off my breathing and tried to focus on absorbing her pain. Her pain was my penance. Eventually she calmed down and at some point there were no more emotions coming from her. Worried I pulled her away from me to examine the beautiful crumpled mess before me. She had a look in her eyes like Bambi's mom in the face of the hunter. Her big brown eyes had so much sadness and pain, if I had a heart it would have broken at the sight. I didn't know if she could handle any more, but I wanted to give her the opportunity to hear the rest. It was the least I could do.

"Bella, I'm so sorry for all the pain I caused you. There is more to this story, but I don't want to hurt you any further."

She struggled to find a voice and simply whispered, "Please continue, but if you need to hunt I can wait."

So like her to put the needs of others before her own.

"There isn't much more, so I think if you can handle it, I'll continue." She just nodded, so I pulled her back into my chest and closed my eyes to block out my impure thoughts.

"You mentioned it was Jacob Black that found you. I think I now know why Alice was so sure you died. Did your friend ever tell you about why the Quileute tribe doesn't associate with the Cullens?"

"If you're asking did I know Jake was a werewolf, at the time of my incident I did not, but it did come to light later."

Given the shortness of her answer it was clear she wasn't ready to talk about that portion of her life, and I was not going to press her any further.

"Alice could never see the wolves in her visions. Everything would go blank. It would make sense that she would see your attempt, but when Jake showed up her vision went black. Unfortunately it would also make sense that, not knowing your association with Jacob, she would interpret that as your demise."

Bella took in this fact and processed. I could feel the shock, understanding, and guilt emanating from her.

"Bella, please don't feel guilty. Alice relied too heavily on her visions, and if we hadn't left you in the first place this never would happened. This is not your fault."

"Jasper, I really think I need some time alone right now. I don't want you to leave, just give me some time to collect myself. My keys are by the door. Why don't you go hunt and come back in a few hours. I promise I'll be okay."

I was hurt by her request. I'm not sure why, but I had this overwhelming need to comfort her. However, she was right. I needed to hunt. The burn in my throat was growing and if I was going to stay I would need to ensure I didn't put her in danger. I nodded at her request and lifted her to her feet.

We stood there facing each other. I didn't want her to be sad anymore. Then without thinking, I leaned down grazed her lips with mine. She parted her lips allowing me to take her bottom lip in between mine. It was soft and tasted so sweet. Just before I pulled away I let my tongue trace over them enjoying the taste. I raised my head and kept my eyes closed as I swallowed back the venom that pooled in my mouth. It was like swallowing acid as my throat burned and constricted in agony. I could feel her shock and lust, as I headed out the door.

**BPOV**

I sat in the bathtub, my head reclined, eyes closed, trying my best to sort out all crap that was swirling around in my head. Edward and Alice are dead. They're dead because I tried to kill myself and made friends with a werewolf who Alice can't see in her vision. The fact that my actions led to the demise of two of the most beautiful creatures on earth will haunt me forever. The water was swirling around me and I glanced at my arms and wrists. There were still a few small scars from my cutting days. There were larger lines along where I had slashed my wrists almost three years ago. A bruise was forming around my right wrist like a bracelet. When Jasper grabbed my arm to expose my sins I felt such shame. Now they were a greater reminder of my sins. My first thought when I climbed in this tub was the last time I took a bath the water was red. I would be lying if I didn't say I was tempted to find a razor again. The only thing that probably stopped me was the fact that I couldn't have Jasper be the one to find me. He started hunting animals again. I couldn't have him come home to a bloody mess. He would drain what was left and would probably regress with guilt. Ensuring the composure of my vampire guest was not the only reason for my restraint. When Jasper kissed me, something awakened inside me that I thought was dead a long time ago. Yes I lusted after the beautiful man that stood before me last night, but his kiss was different. After he left I couldn't get it out of my head. It was soft and tender. It was also firm and commanding. In that one kiss I knew that Jasper was the type of man who was always in control, excelled in whatever he set out to do, and knew how to be loving and gentle when he needed to be. I felt the hole in my chest shrink a little bit more. It made me hope that I could bring Jasper back from the dark abyss that I put him in. Once out of the tub I threw on some clothes and started working on an essay. I couldn't wallow anymore over the events that just past. That was the old Bella. The new Bella was in her final year of university and would finish, making her father proud. I pushed my feelings to the back of my mind and began to work.


	9. Chapter 9 Truths and Explorations

Feb 16, 2011

Okay peeps - I know my story has been moving a bit slow. This chapter will help speed things along. Enjoy

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**JPOV**

I drove back from my hunting expedition in Bella's little Kia Rio. _Ugh, it's like driving a lawn mower._ It was the most basic package you could get. Beggars can't be choosers I suppose, and I'm sure Bella was on a budget. Her apartment looked a little out of her price range, but I guess she made sacrifices, _like this shit-box of a car, _to afford it. Even though I had ample resources, I didn't think about driving when I was on route to see Carlisle. At some point during my years adrift I had given up many human comforts. I just didn't feel the need to pretend to be like one of them anymore. Seeing Bella was like stepping back into time. I could remember what it was like to care about someone and be a part of a family again. Only, we could never go back. Alice is dead, my reason for being, is dead. I'm not sure what propelled me to kiss Bella. I just had this overwhelming need to show her I cared. I didn't stick around for her reaction so for all I know she is waiting to kick me out the moment I returned her car.

I pulled the car into her car port and walked in to the apartment using the keys I took that were beside the car keys earlier. I found Bella studying in the living room. This time she had on a Seattle U sweatshirt over her yoga pants. Her long legs were still accentuated, but at least her beautiful round breasts and tight perky ass were covered. _The last thing I need is little Jasper to be standing at attention as she kicks me out._ As she looked up I could feel her nervousness and happiness at my arrival, then like a spark it was gone and replaced with nothing. Like a blank void. My dead heart leapt at the thought she was happy to see me and curiosity set in as I wondered how she was able to block her emotions. _Why do you care if she's happy to see you? _

"Jasper, you're back. How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling much better thank you. I appreciate the use of your car."

"I'm working on an essay, but could use a break. Do you want to watch a movie or anything?"

"Bella, how are you so calm right now? I left you in a complete mess only three hours ago and now you seem fine and I can't feel you."

"I'm calm because I have to be. I can't go back to the place I was in after Edward left. I made a promise to Charlie and Jake that I would be better, so I do what I can to cope and live." Her face was unreadable, much like her emotions. It takes great restraint to block what you're feeling and from experience I knew that ignoring those feelings would do more harm than good. Still, I had to let her be. I was hardly one to judge on how to cope with loss.

"Bella, I know I have turned your life upside down again and I there is nothing I can do to take it back. I wish I could. We've both filled each other in on the blanks, and I can be gone by nightfall."

I still couldn't feel her, but her face was panic stricken. She immediately jumped up from the couch and was going to make her way towards me, but tripped on the coffee table and fell forward. I managed to catch her before she hit the ground and was holding her in my arms bridal style. It was evident her panic quickly turned to embarrassment by the blush in her cheeks.

"um...as you can see I'm still a complete klutz. ...What I meant to say was please don't go. I have been lonely Jasper. Other than Jake and his girlfriend Vanessa, there is no one I can really talk to, because I can't let anything slip, but it's also difficult to watch two people who are so much in love when all I can think about is how much I've lost."

I put her in an upright position and made sure she was able to balance on her two feet. "Believe it or not, I understand. When Carlisle gave me the news, I knew I couldn't go back to them. Yes, it was nice not to have to hide, but seeing two couples who belong together for eternity would just make my emptiness that much greater. I can stay, but only under one condition. You need to let me start contributing to your costs. I suck up a lot of hot water."

"That's fair. Consider this your home."

"If I'm going to be here for a while I'm going to have to get some clothes, a phone, and a new car."

"You're free to use my car."

"No offense Bella, but what you drive can hardly be described as a car. I swear you're old truck would be considered an upgrade to that golf cart you call a car."

She playfully smacked my arm, "hey no cracks about Lucy. She's good on gas and low on maintenance."

I went to playfully grab her wrist and notice her wince in pain. When I lifted up the sleeve of sweatshirt I saw a large dark bruise circling her wrist just under her scars. It was where I had held her demanding to know her past. I'm sure I've left countless of bruises on my victims as I enjoyed their bodies before I drained them, I just never bothered to care. It wasn't like they would live to feel the pain after I was done. It was evidence of monster that I really am. What am I still doing here?

"Jasper, please don't freak out. It's just a bruise. I bruise very easily." Her hands were at both sides of my face as she tried to get me to face her, but I couldn't bring myself to look her in the eyes. My mind was reeling at the harm I caused such a selfless creature. Before I knew it I felt Bella crash her lips into mine. She began coaxing my lips to part and I obliged allowing myself to taste the soft delicate skin. Her kiss was not gentle. She was trying to show me she wasn't breakable. I couldn't help but respond as I let my tongue explore her hot sweet mouth. When my tongue found hers, I wanted to devour it. I didn't want to stop tasting her. If anything I just wanted more, but my brain clicked in and I remembered she needed to breathe. I slowly pulled away slowly and looked down at her. For some reason, I was the one gasping for breath.

In a soft voice that was almost a whisper she asked, "Jasper, why did you kiss me earlier today?"

"I needed you to you to know that you are worth it, and that I care."

She wrapped her arms around my waist and placed her head against my chest as she spoke. "Jasper, just so you know, you are worth it, and I care about you too. Please don't run away from me. I promise I won't break."

"Bella, if you knew all that I have done, you wouldn't be holding me now. You would run screaming and never look back."

"Jasper, I know what you were feeding on. It's a little difficult to hide blood red eyes."

"Bella, it's more than just feeding on humans. What if I told you that I preyed on women? Women much like yourself; young, beautiful, and lonely. I made them feel like they were special, and then lured them into a false sense of trust after which I took their bodies before I took their blood. "

"Jasper, I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I don't care about what you did. I do. I feel horrible for those women and I feel horrible for you. I also know by the color of your eyes that you hunted animals last night and today, which says to me that you're ready to make some changes. I'm not scared of you Jasper Hale. I trust you, I care about you, and I want you to stay."

My arms wrapped around her shoulders and I buried my head in her hair. The burn was still there, but had quieted down considerably since I hunted. It felt so good to be in the arms of someone who cared about me. To feel more than just fear and lust from someone I was in such close proximity with. I just wanted to soak it all in and never let her go.

"Just so you know darlin, my real name is Jasper Whitlock."

"Really? Where did Hale come from?"

"While I was with the Cullens, I took Rosalie's last name. Speaking of which, you should know I was on route to Montana to see Carlisle. I have to call him to let him know I've been delayed. Did you want him to know that you're alive?"

**BPOV**

_Fuck I must be crazy! Am I letting myself fall for another vampire? _I would be lying if I didn't say that Jasper's confession wasn't disconcerting. How many women has he murdered over the past three years? How did he cover it up? Did their families have any closure or are they still wondering where they daughters are or still trying to find justice? It's hard to believe that it was only last night that I had run into Jasper. It already seemed like a lifetime ago. When I met Jasper yesterday he never looked more like a vampire. He held an ethereal beauty that was mesmerizing. His movements and body language were deliberate like a cat stalking its prey. There was no feeling behind the words, and yet you were entranced by the sound of his voice. He sparked fear yet you were attracted regardless; like moths to a flame. Today there were chinks in that armour. I felt his sadness, his concern, his care. He not only emitted more feelings, he acted more human. I'll never forget the comfort of having his arms around me. He didn't hold me like a piece of glass the way Edward used to. His strong grip made me feel so secure. When I saw the look of horror and shame after seeing my wrist, I was so afraid he would take off and leave. I had to show him just how much he meant to me. I kissed him to show him he had worth, but in truth that kiss felt like air to me. It was like "How did I live without this before?" I'm not sure what those feelings were, but they held such intensity it made me ache.

When Jasper told me his last name was Whitlock my heart fluttered. Then when he mentioned that he was originally on route to see the rest of the Cullens and asked if I wanted them to know I was alive, my stomach flopped. Did I still consider them family? Would they hate me for being alive knowing that Edward and Alice died because they thought I was dead? They abandoned me, why should I care? Why should they care for that matter?

"Jasper, I don't want to ask you to lie to your family for my benefit, but I'm not sure I'm ready to face them either. Edward leaving destroyed me, but it wasn't just him. I loved all of you. I thought you all thought of me as part of your family. If Carlisle and Esme really thought of me as their daughter, how could they leave me? It's obvious that Edward always came first, and it's because of me he's dead. I'm just not sure I'm ready for the fallout of that given that I'm still trying to process that he's really gone."

"Bella, no matter what I will always tell you the truth, whether it's difficult to hear or not. I won't keep things from you the way Edward did to protect you. I believe you can make your own choices. You're right in that Edward always came first. He was Carlisle's first companion. They had been together for almost one hundred years. Please don't take the family leaving as them abandoning you. Edward was frantic after the birthday party. We were all use to his moroseness, but this was different. He completely snapped. What I did that night confirmed to him we were indeed soulless creatures and our presence would eventually damn you for eternity. He was so strong in his conviction that leaving you was the only way to save your soul that he forced everyone to leave. He was willing to fight and kill his family for your soul. Carlisle is a peaceful man by nature and could never harm Edward. He also knew that if Edward killed any of us he would not be able to handle it. Could you imagine the choice Carlisle face? Abandon your daughter, but maybe she would have the chance to find happiness one day, or kill your son to be with your daughter who would hate you for ending the life of the man that she loved? There really was only one choice."

"I knew Edward's belief that he lacked a soul would be the nail in the coffin of our relationship. He wouldn't turn me, which meant that I would eventually die, and I couldn't handle the fact that I was aging while he wasn't. Forever was never going to be a possibility for us. Knowing that he strong armed the family into leaving, does give me some hope that they will be able to accept me again, but this is hard for me. I've spent the last three years trying to move on, and it's like I would be taking a step back. If I give up my heart and it's handed back I don't know how I'll recover."

"Bella, you don't give yourself enough credit. I fully expected you to run screaming from me and to hate me. Instead you've brought back my humanity in just 24 hours. You have given me reason to exist and I'm not sure how. They love you. They always have. I won't tell them about you just yet. There are other reasons why your presence should remain a secret. Your term ends in December, and then I assume you will be seeing Charlie in Forks for the holidays. I will delay my visit to them until then, which will give us some time together and I can prepare them for the news."

"What other reasons are there for keeping my being alive a secret?"

"When Edward went to the Volturi they learned that a human knew of their existence. It's a sacred rule for our kind that we remain a secret to mankind. It is an offense that is punishable by death. They already feel that Carlisle's lifestyle is a threat to our existence and are looking for an excuse to destroy him. Carlisle is very old and has many friends. They can't kill him without cause. The fact that they think you're dead has probably prolonged his life."

"I don't understand why you're staying then. If the Cullens are in trouble shouldn't you go to them right away?"

"Bella, I can't leave you just yet. Don't ask me why, because I just don't know. As long as Carlisle plays by the rules he will be okay. I can use Christmas as the guise for my visit so not to alert suspicion that he's sending in for reinforcements."

"Reinforcements? Are you saying you are planning on battling the Volturi? Wouldn't that be a suicide mission? Edward and Alice are already gone. I just got you back and now you're saying I can lose all of you before I get a second chance? Jasper, you need to tell them to run and stay with me. We'll hide. Just please don't put yourself in danger."

"Bella, there are things about my past that you don't know. Trust me when I say that I am Carlisle's best hope at survival and I don't plan on perishing any time soon. Now is not the time to worry."

The look in his eye was one of determination. I was so drawn to him, it was like we were to magnets being pulled together. He leaned down towards me, I stretched up to meet him, and our lips met in the middle. This is the third time in twenty four hours that I've kissed Jasper. The first was a tender small reassuring kiss. The second was more demanding and urgent. This kiss was like reading a book. It was slow. Each movement and taste was like turning a page to reveal more of the story. There was excitement, anticipation, comfort. He tasted refreshing, like dipping into a cold stream. His lips were soft and firm. His tongue found their way inside my mouth and as he ran them along my teeth, shivers ran through my body. Each time his tongue flicked inside me I could feel desire building at my core. Every time he withdrew it, my need for more spiked. My hands wound their way around his neck and I made slow circles along his nape which caused a quiet rumbling noise to emanate from his chest in the form of a deep purr. The vibrations made their way down to my core, and I could feel myself becoming undone.

Jasper slowly pulled his lips away from mine, but held me close. Our foreheads were still touching and I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes just yet. I was too afraid that this was all a dream. Instead I asked, "Jasper, what's happening between us?"

"I don't know, but I intend to find out." My heart leapt at his response.


	10. Chapter 10 Reacquainted

Feb 18, 2011

A/N: Okay folks. I was going to wait till tonight or tomorrow morning to post this one, but it's Friday and I'm procrastinating when I should be heading off to work. Ugh...the dull life of a responsible adult. Hope you enjoy.

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_October_

**BPOV**

Jasper and I have fallen into a comfortable routine. My days are usually filled with school and work. While I'm gone Jasper goes hunting, monitors his financial investments, and reads. I worried that he may be lonely during my absences, but given that he's been alone for the last three years, he seems comfortable and content. As part of his self imposed condition he contributes to half of the rent, which gives me enough of a buffer that I don't need to worry about my own financial situation too much. When I come home we usually go for walks all over the city, or simply sit on the couch together and read. Once in awhile I see a look of forlorn or sadness in his eyes and I'll know he's thinking about Alice. There are times when I have my Edward moments as well. We usually just give each other our space. It's kind of nice to be with someone who allows you to mourn. Him being an empath, I can never hide what I'm feeling, so there's no real point in putting up a front as I've done with Charlie, Jake, and Vanessa all these years. Most recently Jasper has taken to coming with me to bed. Prior, we would usually share a kiss before I retired for the night. I could see the want and hesitation in his eyes. I knew he was thinking about Edward and the fact that Edward used to be the one who held me night after night. I wasn't sure if I was ready yet for level of intimacy. I was afraid I would be thinking of Edward, which wouldn't be fair to Jasper. Then, one night we were on the couch watching some inane movie. I had fallen asleep lying against Jasper on the couch. I was vaguely aware of him picking me up and taking me to my room. He gently set me down on the bed and tucked me in. His lips touched my forehead and lingered there for a moment. Has he lifted his head and turned to leave I reached out and touched his arm.

"Please don't go yet. Stay with me for a while?"

He didn't say a word, but had a look in his eyes that I couldn't quite put my finger on. He lay on the bed on top of the covers and held me against him. I then felt a profound happiness spread through me and knew it was Jasper communicating to me in his own way. Instead of saying anything to him, I simply snuggled up closer to him in response. Relishing in our unspoken connection, the whole in my chest became a little smaller. It was probably the size of a pea by now.

My being reacquainted with Jasper has not gone over so well on the home front. I decided to tell Vanessa first. I'm glad I did, because she completely understood. I balled my eyes out when I told her Edward was dead and she cried with me on the phone. She knew losing him was like losing a piece of me. She was also supportive, although a little weary, of my relationship with Jasper. I told her everything that has transpired over the course of the month. She's worried of course about the Volturi, but she also knows he has brought the light back into my world. It was nice to have someone in my corner, because Jake and Charlie were not so forgiving. Jake hit the roof. He threatened to come down to Seattle and drag my ass back to Forks after tearing Jasper to shreds. He didn't care that Jasper made me happy. He said he was glad that Edward and Alice were dead. We got into a huge fight, which ended up me hanging up on him. We haven't talked since, although Vanessa allows us to keep tabs on one another. She's angry at Jake for his reaction and his inability to understand where I'm coming from and angry at me for not swallowing my pride and trying to make peace. Charlie was upset, but took a much more cautious approach. I told him Jasper came to let me know that Edward and Alice died in a car crash in Italy. Charlie always loved Alice. He choked up a bit, which then made me start the water works. When I explained how much Jasper was getting me through he seemed to softened, but not before demanding to speak to Jasper. I sat on edge as Jasper worked his Southern charm on Charlie. Only hearing one side of the conversation, I gathered that Charlie gave his condolences, threatened his life if he ever hurt me, and asked what his plans were for the future. After Charlie gave Jasper the riot act, Jasper passed the phone back to me and we said I love you before hanging up.

_November_

**JPOV**

Getting to know Bella has been a healing experience. She has a quiet grace that puts me in awe and at ease. Alice was always a ball of energy. Her energy and happiness were infectious. It was like being doped up on happy pills. With Bella, there is always a calm tranquility. I feel peaceful and content, and joyful. I was hesitant to progress our relationship any further. I didn't want to push her. I wanted to ensure she had a proper amount of time to mourn Edward. Every time I kissed her I felt sad to let her go. I also wasn't sure if she would accept me after knowing about my past. Her eyes couldn't grasp the scars that were riddled all over my body. I always was sure my body was covered when I held her so she couldn't feel the harshness against her soft skin. If I had a heart it started to beat the night Bella asked me to stay with her in her room. I could feel her warmth radiating through the thick blanket making my skin want to crawl underneath to be next to her. My blood lust was still there. I hunted everyday to the point of being engorged so that I would pose less of a risk to her. Still, every time the blush rose to her cheeks or I felt desire awaken within her, I had to swallow back the venom that pooled in my mouth and try to keep the lower half of my body in check. I wanted her. I was not a creature of self restraint and the past two months have been torturous. When she was gone I did everything I could to try and get her out of my mind, but all I could think about was when she would arrive home. Then when she was home all I thought about was how I wish she weren't so I couldn't act on my impure thoughts. Let's just say, I spent a lot of time in the shower. What had me most on edge was the fact that I knew my feelings for her were more than just want. I needed her. What was most frustrating was I knew she felt the same way. Bella was very good at shutting off her emotions. I guess years of pretending to her friends and family have allowed her to block what she's truly feeling in order to cope. But there were times when she couldn't keep her wall up. When she wasn't paying attention, or I was in another room, I could feel the love she had for me.

If I made any indication that I noticed the wall would go right back up again. I was becoming good at ignoring those feelings I wanted to grasp on to with both arms tight.

Lately Bella was stressed. School and work were taking its toll. I wanted to take her mind off of her responsibilities for a while. It was Friday morning and I left a gift with an invite by her bedside before taking off on an early morning hunt. Tonight I was going to bite the bullet and show her how much she means to me.

**BPOV**

I woke up and realised I was alone. It's been almost a month since Jasper has been spending the night and selfishly I craved his touch. As my eyes peered open to try and minimize the shock of the morning light I noticed a large white box with red bow at my bedside. Excitement began to build. There was a large gold paper folded on top of the box. _No envelopes mean no paper cuts. _I couldn't help but smile. My smile grew as I read the note.

_Dearest Bella, _

_I respectfully request your acquaintance at 7:30p.m._

_Dress attire has been provided and an escort will arrive at your doorstep to accompany you to your destination. _

_Your presence is eagerly anticipated. _

_Jasper_

My heart was pounding. I had done my best to hide the feelings I was developing for Jasper. I didn't want to put him in an awkward position. In Forks I always thought Jasper didn't really care for me. After all it was like steak being waved in front of your face and you're stuck eating tofu. In the box lay the most beautiful black Valentino dress. I tried it on and noticed it fit perfectly. It hugged every curve and accentuated my breasts and the contours of my hips. It came down in almost a mermaid fashion. Along with the dress was a pair of black thong sandals which were embellished with Swarovski crystals. There was a silver lariat necklace and drop earrings to go with the outfit as well. The gift was the most extravagant gift I had ever received. My younger self would have been appalled at such an excessive gift, but I've learned to be gracious and thankful for the blessings that come my way. I was too excited to go to class. Instead I prepped for a day of pampering. After all the trouble that Jasper has gone through to make my evening special, the least I could do ensure I was properly ready. I booked a day at the salon for wax, hair, and nails.

I was so anxious I was dressed and ready to go a half hour early. I hadn't seen or heard from Jasper all day, which made me completely anxious. When the buzzer at my apartment door buzzed I jumped out of my skin. I nearly came crashing down the stairs as I rushed to meet my escort, but managed to catch my balance before I hit the floor. At the bottom of the stairs by the entrance of my apartment building was not Jasper, but a man in a driver uniform and a stretched limousine. He did not speak, but simply held out a small card with my name on the front. When I turned the card around it read, _Please enjoy the ride. I'll be waiting your arrival, J. _I looked at the driver and asked, "Do you know where we're headed?" He simply smiled, gave a small nod and motioned me to the back of the limo.

Stepping inside there was a glass of champagne already poured and a small plate of chocolate covered strawberries waiting for me. I only took a few sips and a couple bites not wanting to ruin the beautiful dress I was wearing. The limo did not go far. It stopped at the Sorrento Hotel, where an attendant opened my door and held out a white gloved hand to help me out of the vehicle.

"Miss Swan, if you will come with me, I will take you to your date for the evening."

I placed my hand in his and nodded, unable to speak. He led me to an elevator, inserted a card key and pressed the top floor.

"Your gentleman will be waiting for you on the top. Please enjoy your evening Miss Swan."

Still speechless, I just nodded like an imbecile. When my elevator reached its destination, the doors opened to reveal a beautiful hotel suite. A large chandelier hung from the ceiling and there were hundreds of bouquets of flowers everywhere. At the end of hallway was a dining table elaborately set for two and Jasper standing beside it. He was breathtaking. He wore black tuxedo, with silver vest underneath and a crisp white shirt. I'm sure the huge grin on his face mirrored my own. I slowly made my way toward him wanting to imprint the image of him into my memory for all time. His hands were clasped in front as he waited for me. His blond curls hung loosely around him. Jasper probably stood at about six foot two inches and looked like prince charming. I couldn't contain my excitement and happiness to see him. When I finally reached him, he lifted up my hand to his lips.

"Thank you for joining me Bella. You look beautiful."

I could feel the blush in my cheeks start to rise with embarrassment. I was so stunned by how handsome he was I could barely get the words out.

"Thank you Jasper. You look exceptionally handsome tonight."

He led me to my seat at the table and lifted the silver dome covering the plate. Jasper planned a gourmet meal of grilled Salmon, wild greens, and wild mushroom risotto. The presentation on the plate was almost too good to eat.

"Jasper, I can't believe you planned all of this. It's so lovely. What's the occasion?"

"First you dine, then I tell you why I planned this evening. As you know, my diet is a bit restricted and I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable eating alone while I sat beside you in some impersonal restaurant. I thought this would help set you at ease."

"Jasper, this is really too much. I've gotten better at accepting gifts, but I'm feeling like I stepped into a dream."

"Then, I've done my job."

After that, we just made small talk and joked around a bit. Jasper had colourful stories of his exploits with Emmett. It was so comfortable, there were no other words to describe it other than it just felt right. After dinner, and vanilla crème brulèe for dessert, Jasper led me to the seating area where soft music was playing. He held out his hand and gave a slight bow requesting a dance.

"Jasper, you know I absolutely cannot dance."

"Darlin, I promise you won't have a problem dancing with me."

He pulled me so close to him I could feel our bodies touching from my thighs right up to my head which was resting on his shoulder. He didn't do any fancy moves. He just swayed softly to the music. I was feeling so relaxed, I totally forgot about my two left feet.

"Jasper, you dishing out your calming vibes aren't you?"

"Okay, a little. There is something I want to tell you and I'm not sure if you're ready to hear it, but I can't keep it in any longer."

I looked at him with curiosity and a bit of anxiety, but he just smiled and let me to the sofa. Jasper was holding both of my hands and looking at me intensely.

"Bella, I am not a perfect man. I have done things so awful, many can't get passed their fear of me. No matter how much I tried to be better, I could never completely change. I thought of myself as an evil creature, simply fulfilling what I was meant to do on this earth. Meeting you awakened something in me that I thought did not exist. You have given me humanity. I am a better person because of you. Bella, it's not just that you saved me from myself. I can't imagine a life without you. I live to see you happy. My heart soars when you smile. I planned this evening, this moment, to tell you that I love you."

Tears were welling up in my eyes, as quickly as love was welling up in my heart. I was so afraid to have feelings for Jasper because I just didn't think he felt the same way. To hear him tell me he loves me was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was free to show him how I felt. I knew he felt my love for him, I could see the smile in his eyes, but I had to say the words.

"Jasper, my life was empty without you. You gave my life meaning. You show me respect and allow me to be me. I love you. I love you just as you are. I know there are things in your past that trouble you. Believe me when I say we can work through them. As long as we love each other, nothing else matters"

I put my arms around him and just held him to me. He let his love for me pour out of him and I did the same. It was so powerful we both didn't move. Tears were streaming down my face and onto his jacket. Finally I pulled away in order to gain access to his lips. I needed to taste him. I needed to kiss him with every ounce of passion and love I had in me. He responded with such need that I couldn't help but give everything I had. As our love grew, so did our desire. The moment I tasted his tongue in my mouth, I began to grab his hair with my fists trying to pull him closer to me. He leaned forward, causing me to lie back on the couch. My dress being narrowed by the knees, was causing a great deal of distress. I felt his hand slide down my thigh, slowly to my ankle, and as it worked its way up it brought my dress with it. His hand travelled upwards with my dress gathering with it till it was all the way up my hip, exposing the lacy black thong underneath. My core was beginning to throb with need. I had never experienced such bliss. It was like it was my body was calling out to him, begging for his touch. His lips never left mine as his hand now free of my dress material lowered to my slit, massaging my folds through the thin lacy fabric. I was getting wet at his touch and let out a moan into his mouth. His mouth moved to my neck, and he kissed a trail up to my ear. I was completely engrossed in rapture when I heard Jasper speak against my ear.

"Bella, I love you. I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with. If you want to stop please say so now, otherwise I'm carrying you to the bedroom."

I couldn't even put together a sentence. All I got out was "bedroom, now!"

My eyes were shut and Jasper moved so quickly we made it to the bedroom in a blink of any eye. The only thing going through my mind was the fact that his cold breath was sending hot shivers directly to my core. Jasper hesitated as he sat me on the edge of the bed. My legs were wrapped around his torso and I was trying to unbutton his jacket. He grabbed my wrists stopping me, and I let out a whimper.

"Be patient love". He wasn't smiling. He looked very hungry, and not for blood.

I nodded and felt him lift my dress over my lead leaving me in my wet panties and matching lace bra. My hardened nipples were peeking out of the thin material begging for Jasper's touch. He took a step back and stared at my scantily clad body still sitting on the edge of the bed as he slowly unbuttoned his jacket. I was nervous about being this exposed as his vampire eyes took me in. It wasn't lost on me that he could probably see every flaw in my imperfect human body. After he removed his jacket, he began undoing his vest.

"Bella, please don't be embarrassed or nervous. I told you I would always tell you the truth and right now I'm telling you that you are the most beautiful creature I've ever set my eyes on. I am going to worship you tonight."

I nodded and simply took in the sight before me. I was biting my bottom lip as Jasper's vest fell to the floor and he began unbuttoning his shirt revealing his sculpted chest and stomach. I couldn't help myself as I reached out to touch him, but like before he grabbed both of my wrists, then wound his fingers into mine so we were holding hands.

"Bella, I know my body appears flawless, but I need to warn you. It won't feel that way. I am a man that has been scarred not just on the inside, but on the outside as well. My scars can't be seen by your eyes, but you will be able to feel them. If you want to stop you just need to say so."

It was finally my turn. Jasper positioned himself standing over me between my thighs. He released his grip and allowed me to place my hands on his chest. He had his eyes closed and was breathing heavily. I could sense his fear of my reaction. At first I didn't say anything. I just let my hands caress his chest and slid them down to his abs. His body was hard as stone and I could feel traces of the scars he spoke of. It almost felt like ice on a skating rink with lines from the blades crisscrossing against its smooth service. There were so many, I couldn't imagine what had occurred in Jasper's life to give him so many scars. Jasper was trembling at my touch and I wanted to put him at ease. His scars didn't matter to me. They made him who he was. Tentatively I brought my lips to his chest and caressed a line with my tongue. He let out a gasp as I continued to taste him. He fisted my hair and made me look up at this face. He almost looked pained.

"How can you stand it? Aren't I a monster to you?"

I buried my face in his stomach as I spoke, kissing him in between sentences.

"Jasper, can't you feel my love for you? Can't you feel my desire for you? They are a part of you. You should be proud you made it through whatever caused them. I know this isn't the time or place to talk about their origin, but trust me when I tell you that these could never scare me off. Please don't stop now. I need this. I need you."

He picked me up and moved me to the centre of the bed and hovered over me. His arms were like Greek columns on either side of me. I was mesmerized by the smouldering stare above me and acutely aware that I could feel his arousal pressing against my thigh which spiked my own desire for him. I felt thoroughly encompassed by him.

"I don't deserve someone as good as you Bella". Before I could protest his mouth was covering mine. He made his way down to my breast, his tongue swirling around my nipple through the thin lacy fabric. While his mouth nipped at one breast, his hand caressed the other. He lightly pinched my nipple between his fingers as he licked the other causing me to arch and cry out his name in response. Then with one flick of his finger, he ripped my bra from my body so the thin barrier no longer existed. The sensation of his cool tongue surrounding my nipple made my core ache. I bucked my hips grinding them against the stiffness in his groin. Complying with my unspoken request his hand moved downward to my panties ripping those from my body as well. His fingers slid between my wet folds massaging their way to the bundle of nerves that were crying out for his touch. He gently applied pressure to my clit as he slid one finger inside of me. My hips began to rock against his hand and my cries were getting louder as I neared release. He brought his lips back up to mine as he added a second finger inside of me. The wave of my first orgasm came with such force I clung to Jasper for dear life crying out for god. He held me tightly as the aftershocks shook my body and whispered "I love you" in my ear softly over and over.


	11. Chapter 11 Gratuitous Lemon

Feb 19, 2011

A/N: Yesterday I left you with a bit of a lemon, but I didn't quite finish the job. So, without further ado...

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BPOV

As I came back to my senses I realized I was completely naked and Jasper still had his pants on. His arousal was pressed against me and one hand was lovingly stroking my breast. The tiny kisses he was placing behind my ear was sending shivers down by body. I needed to touch him. To make him feel the way he made me feel just moments ago. I wiggled out of his embraced and pressed my hands down on his shoulders so he could lie back. I lay on top of him straddling his waist and traced my tongue from his ear, down his jaw line, sucking at his neck then slowly making my way down his chest. My tongue slowly circled one of his nipples, and as I felt it harden in response my teeth gently grazed across the tip, causing him to let out a ragged breath.

"You're so beautiful", I mumbled as my tongue then traveled south towards each crevice of his defined abs. I lovingly licked each scar, and my mind wandered to the night I caught him coming out of the shower. My lips took the same route that the drop of water took when I gazed at him in awe just a few months ago. When my tongue reached the edge of his pants I sat up and allowed myself to look at his gorgeous profile. His eyes were deep black pools. His hands were gripping the sheets at his sides as he let me take full control of his body. He watched me as I slowly unbuttoned his pants and lowered the zipper. I moved my way to the foot of the bed as I removed his socks and pulled his pants off. Kneeling at his feet I began to trace small kisses from the tip of his foot up his leg, moving slower as I made it to his thigh. I could see his erection twitching in his boxers as my mouth made its ascent. I could hear Jasper breathing heavily as I got closer to my destination. I peeled his boxers off to let his hard manhood spring free. I couldn't help but gasp at its impressiveness. Kneeling between his legs, with my hands at either side of his hips I lowered my head to run my tongue from his base, licking my way to his tip. My tongue swirled around his head taking in the moistness that had gathered at the top. Jasper groaned at the sensation and I could tell it was taking much effort to keep still. I wanted to spend some time teasing him more, but I could tell he was fighting to maintain control, so I obliged by sliding him inside my mouth. I couldn't help but smile when I heard Jasper groan "Oh fuck" as I slowly moved my head down taking him as far as I could, till I could feel him in the back of my throat. My hand was at the base of his cock and I began to stroke it in sync with the rhythm of my mouth. Jasper's hands entwined themselves in my hair and began to move my head at a faster pace. When my hand then moved to cup him he threw his head back and let out a growl. I could see the vein in his neck protrude as he strained to hold back his release. I slowly began pulling him out of my mouth and buried my head in his stomach. I stroked him harder as mumbled against his belly button, "Jasper, please don't fight it. I need to taste you."

He grunted, but gave no other verbal response. I placed my lips along his shaft as I spoke. "mmm...Jasper, can't you feel how much I want this? Let me taste you. The thought of you cumming in my mouth is making me so wet right now." I then took him in my mouth again and started to suck on him hard. His hands were now above his head, holding on to the headboard. When he finally released inside me he called out my name and I savoured his essence. When I felt his body calm, I crawled up and wrapped my arms around his waist and held him tight to my body. His cool skin was soothing against mine, which felt blistering hot at the moment. I knew I was still wet with arousal and pressed it against his thigh so he could know the effect he had on me. As we held each other Jasper kissed the top of my head and a low purring rumble escaped his lips. I'm sure he felt my happiness and contentment at giving him pleasure. We lay there still for a long time just basking in our bliss.

**JPOV**

Laying there, holding her, feeling her happiness, was probably the second greatest feeling on earth. The first was the love that we just experienced. It had been months since I felt the inside of a woman. Never have I given someone that kind of control over my body. My years with Maria were all about asserting my power over others. After I left that life, I had to learn passiveness. It wasn't something that someone with military training is good at. My outlet was always the bedroom. Alice used to make me work to dominate her. She would provide a challenge until I proved I could dominate her. The women after Alice were all about satiating my hunger and lust. I hunted, dominated, used, and then discarded. This was something completely new to me. The way she kissed me made my shattered body feel flawless and whole. The rising anticipation of where she was headed made the strain in my nether region almost painful. Finally, feeling my cold hardness against the softness of her hot moist mouth nearly made me cum on contact. I was straining to contain myself and remain in control. Every time she took me in, I could feel her tongue sweep over my tip making my balls tighten from unbelievable pleasure. I tried griping the sheets beside me afraid that I might hurt her from the strain, but hearing her soft sucking noises as she ravished me made me need to touch her. Her soft brown hair was sprawled against my stomach and would tease me as it moved along with the rhythm of her mouth. When she grabbed my balls I saw stars. It took everything in me not to unload in her. I needed tonight to be about her. I was supposed to be ravishing her and I didn't want to disrespect her. When she begged to taste me, and told me how wet she was, I thought I was going to die of lust. She had full control of the situation and yet she was still making me feel like a man. I couldn't get the words out, but I didn't stop her when she took me in her mouth again. This time she was sucking on me hard, demanding me to cum. I grabbed on to the headboard afraid I would break her if I touched her during my release. I couldn't hold it back. I came with such a vengeance that the intensity of the pleasure felt like an out of body eperience. I was astounded as she took in every part of me, moaning as she did. Those sounds just made me come again inside her. I thought she was going to suck me dry. I knew it was impossible to feel tired, yet I felt like my body was reduced to jello. I could barely move as she crawled up next to me winding her arms around my waist. We both didn't say a word. Feeling her from both the inside and out is incredible. I couldn't lust after her blood because I felt like I was devouring her body and emotions all at the same time. It was like I was consuming her very essence.

My thoughts of consuming Bella were heightened by her arousal. Her leg was draped over my torso and I could feel the wetness between her legs begin to coat my thigh. The thought of what she tasted like made my dick stand to attention. I'm sure she was aware of what I was feeling because she moved her leg just enough to rub against my dick while digging her core into me harder. I put my forefinger to her chin and lifted her head up to look at me. She had such love and trust in her eyes. I could stare at them all day if it wasn't for the fact that right now I wanted to do more than just gaze at her. Without breaking eye contact and turned her over on to her back. Hovering over her petite frame as she looked up at me with lust was increasing my desire at an alarming rate. My mouth covered hers and my hands moved to knead her breasts. I couldn't get enough of them. They were soft and firm, perfectly round. It was like they were made for my hands. Her nipples were the perfect rosy hue and the way they came to attention sent pulses of pleasure directly to my dick. I didn't know what I wanted to do first. Taste her or bury my cock inside her. I settled on both. I pinched her clit causing her wetness to grow. I dipped my finger inside of her watching her eyes roll to the back of her head as she bucked her hips causing me to delve deeper insider of her. When I pulled out she whimpered, but she kept her eyes locked on mine, her lust rising as I placed the finger in my mouth savouring her taste. Her lips were slightly parted and her tongue was at the edge. It was too tempting. I brought my mouth down to hers so she could taste herself on my tongue. She moaned in my mouth, which drove me wild. I had to feel her inside of me now. I positioned myself between her legs and took hold of my cock. I ran my head over her centre and we both watched as my fluids mixed with her on contact. I took my tip and pressed into her clit sending volts of pleasure through both of us.

"Jasper, please...don't make me wait any longer."

I didn't want to make her wait, but hearing her beg was too much of a turn on. I wanted to hear her scream for me. I pressed the tip of my dick at her entrance and balanced above her. She tried to buck her hips into me, but I moved back in sync with her, so that we stayed in our precarious position. My hands grabbed her hips and held them down.

"I'm not done with you yet." I was surprised by the harshness of my voice. I was finding it difficult to maintain control. I was more surprised at her reaction as her excitement grew.

My mouth found its way back to her nipples and I was worshipping them as my I held her down. I began to slide my dick slowly inside of her, but instead of giving her what we both wanted I pulled out of her completely.

"No! God, please Jasper. I need you."

I smiled as my tongue began to flick against her belly button. "Darlin, I'm right here."

"I need to feel you. I need to feel you now."

I removed my hands from her hips and held her wrists above her head with one hand while I balanced above her with my other. "Oh Bella, if you want me, you're gonna have to do better than that."

Now that her hips were free she wrapped her legs around my torso crashing her wet core against my groin. I could feel her throbbing against me over and over like a mantra.

"Jasper, can you feel how wet you make me? Only you can make me feel this way. I need you to fuck me NOW!"

She wasn't begging. She was demanding. It was making me wild. Without hesitation I entered her hard. She gasped at the intrusion and I gasped at her tightness. I don't think either of us was prepared. I could sense her pain and stilled immediately. I was holding in the fact that her tightness was threatening to literally squeeze the life out of me. I didn't know how long I could hold this position.

"Bella, will you let me help you?"

She had her eyes closed, and she nodded in agreement. I hit her with all the lust and love I had building inside me trying to mask the pain. Immediately I felt her muscles relax giving my member a little more room. When she was ready her hips began to slowly rock against mine. My body wanted to drill into her hard, but I knew her fragile body couldn't take it. Instead I moved slowly in and out of her, memorizing every ridge and crevice inside her. I could feel the level in her pleasure rising. As her comfort level increased I began to let myself get lost in her bliss.

"Oh Bella! Fuck you feel so good."

"Please Jasper, harder...oh god..."

I quickened my pace at a level I knew she could handle, ensuring I hit her clit every time I entered her. Her breasts were bouncing as I rocked against her and her head was thrown back exposing her long beautiful neck. I let go over her wrists and she immediately grabbed for my hair pulling me down to her. I'm sure if I were mortal it would have hurt. Her tongue sought out mine and we kept sucking and tasting each other in a frenzied state of passion. Our bodies were so close that her breasts were crushed against my chest. The heat from her body warmed my skin as I soaked her in. I could feel the crescendo of her orgasm rise within her. Seeing her in the throes of passion released my inner beast. Her head was rolled back and the column of her neck exposed the delicious vein that was calling out to me. I swallowed the venom pooling in my mouth and I knew I was close to losing control. I needed to focus on something else.

I hissed at her, "Bella, open your eyes. Look at me!"

Her eyes snapped open. I expected to feel her fear, but instead I just felt the lust radiating off her beautiful body. Seeing her look at me with trust and desire abated my more carnal urges. My forearms were on either side of her head as my hands wove themselves into her hair. Our eyes were locked and foreheads touching as her walls tightened around me.

As her orgasm took over her body she cried out my name and God's. Her body convulsed with the aftershocks of our coupling bringing me my own sweet release. The force of it was so hard a tremor went through my entire body and I roared. I moved on to my side pulling out of her so I wouldn't crush her with the weight of my body. I pulled her against me so we were spooning and brought the duvet over us so we could hide in our own little cocoon. Her eyes were closed and she was on the edge of falling asleep. I brushed a strand of her hair away from her face over her ear and whispered, "Bella, you are my world."

Half asleep she mumbled, "Jasper, promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Promise you'll love me forever?"

"Bella, I'll love you forever, I want you forever, you are my forever."

"I love you Jasper."

She drifted off to sleep, and I held her close to me just listening to her heart beat.

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A/N: I hope it was worth the wait.


	12. Chapter 12 Confessions and Comparisons

February 21, 2011

A/N: Thank you very much to those of you who wrote such kind reviews. It's pretty intimidating to write a lemon, and judging by the number of hits I got on the chapter, I don't think it was too shabby. The below starts with a lemon. I figured it took me so long to get these two together, I might as well savour the moment.

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Chapter 12- Confessions and Comparisons

**JPOV**

She had been sleeping for six hours. I knew she needed her rest. She had been so busy with work and school. But lying next to her naked form, my cock nestled between the cheeks of her firm round ass was making my balls blue. Now that I've tasted her, I couldn't get enough. I needed her now. I swept her hair up and started dotting the back of her neck with light kisses. She was still sleeping, but responded to my touch. She let out a small moan and ground into me further, making my dick jump up and down in anticipation. I lowered my arm that was holding her tightly to me so that I could let my fingers tease centre. I could sense now that she was awake even though her eyes were still close. Her desire was building and her wetness was coating my fingers.

"Are you ready for me Darlin?"

She kept her eyes closed, but a smile played on her lips. "mmm...you feel so good"

My mouth was against her ear so she could feel my breath as I spoke. "mmm... you taste so good."

Lust went through her body straight towards my dick. _Calm down little buddy. You'll get what you want soon enough. _I shifted so she could lie on her back. As I did, I noticed she winced in pain. I kneeled on the bed to get a full view of her body. Her wrists, hips, thighs were covered in bruises. At least two of those bruises had my hand prints prominently displayed. _Shit, I'm a fucking monster. _Sensing my distress, Bella opened her eyes.

"Jasper, are you okay?"

"I think I should be asking you that question, don't you? It looks like I fucking battered you. I could have killed you."

She should have been scared. She should be crying, screaming, running the fuck away from me. Instead Bella did what Bella always does – the unexpected – she laughed.

"Oh Jasper! It looks a lot worse than it is. Considering my ability to bruise at a drop of a hat, topped with my lack of coordination, this is nothing. I promise."

"Bella, I felt your pain. This isn't nothing."

She sat up and twisted towards me so her legs were straddling my thighs. In this new position she was eye level with my torso and my dick was nesting quite comfortably between her breasts. Her hands were rubbing my ass gently, and I was trying desperately not to let my lust cloud my judgement. She was leaving small kisses against my stomach as she spoke. "You can feel that I'm not lying to you. In fact, you should be feeling that I'm ready for more. Please Jasper; don't let this get to you. I'm fine."

Before I could respond she was bending down towards the head of my cock, which was peeking out from the top of her breasts, and let the tip of her tongue lightly swirl around the top.

"...Ugh...Bella..." _So much for not letting lust cloud my judgement. _She then squeezed my ass and pulled me toward her further, so I was essentially fucking her breasts as she applied my pressure to my head with her tongue. I couldn't help myself. I couldn't see, I couldn't think. All I could do was rock my hips back and forth savouring the sensation of my dick in between the two most beautiful breasts in the world. Her tongue continued to tease me mercilessly driving me to the edge. Just as I was about to fall off that edge and cum all over her chest, she abruptly stopped and flung the upper half of her body back on the bed. _Huh?_

"Oh no Mr. Whitlock. You are not getting off that easy." She laughed at her own joke. It was adorable.

She had effectively erased my worry and regret. I gave her a playful smirk. "Really Miss Swan? You're going to make me work for it?"

Instead of answering me, she arched her back and brought both of her hands to her breasts. She pinched them and moaned. The site was my undoing. In a ragged voice I whispered, "oh god, don't stop." As she played with her breasts, I slid down so I could lie between her legs. My eyes remained locked on her breasts as my tongue slowly moved across her centre. She cried out in ecstasy and her hips bucked up towards my mouth. She tasted so sweet. I could lay here and taste this all day. My tongue then pressed against her clit. Her moans got louder and her body was crying out for more. I entered her with my tongue, moving it slowly in and out as my finger rubbed against clit. She went to clutch my hair, and then it was my turn to stop.

"Oh no, Miss Swan. You are not getting off that easy." This time she didn't find the pun quite so funny.

"Please don't stop. God Jasper. Fuck me with your tongue. It feels so good."

_God I love it when she curses. _I continued my ministrations with my tongue at her centre. I could feel the pressure in her rise. Her orgasm was imminent, but I wasn't ready to have her let go just yet. I pulled my tongue back, gave her a peck on her inner thigh and slid my body up to perky breasts. I rolled my tongue over her nipple. Her juices mixed with her sweat made her breasts taste that much more appealing.

"Fuck, you taste so good. I want to lick every inch of you."

She wasn't coherent. She was just writhing in pleasure trying to get our bodies to unite. This time, I was going to be sure she got the full effect of pleasure without the pain. I placed my hands on either side of her on the bed for balance and gave her a tender kiss on the lips. I slide only an inch inside of her, and then stopped. I gave her a slightly deeper kiss then projected my lust at her as I slid in another inch, then stopped. My balls were screaming at me to take her and pound her into oblivion, but I was determined to go slow. Her walls were convulsing around my dick trying to pull me inside of her. She was so wet she was dripping. Inch, by slow inch I lowered myself into her, deepening each kiss and projecting more lust as I went. When I was fully sheathed inside of her, I began to project all my love towards her. No words were needed. She just opened her heart up to me and projected her love right back. I began to slowly move within her. Our eyes never left each other. I kept my hands at her side, to ensure I wouldn't hurt her again. I savoured the feeling of being inside of her. She was so warm and wet. Even though she was fully aroused and I took care to ensure that her body could accommodate my size, she was still so unbelievably tight. My dick was twitching and throbbing inside of her, but I continued my slow pace. As her desire began build, her hips bucked against me harder and faster. Taking my queue, I increased my tempo. Her hands were roaming all over my chest, my shoulders, my back. It was like she was reading brail on my body. Her first orgasm hit me like a tidal wave. My dick itched to come with her, but I wasn't quite ready to have this heaven end yet. I stilled as I let the peak of her pleasure subside, then started all over again, moving at a slow pace, then gradually increasing my speed. This time, when I felt her orgasm about to hit, I reached down and pinched her clit. She screamed my name and her hands pulled at my hair as the force of her orgasm moved throughout her body. Her walls squeezed so tight, there was no way I could hold it in. I released into her hot wet body and trembled on top of her. She clung to me with all four of her limbs and rubbed my scalp as I lay on top of her breathing heavily. My dick, which had finally calmed down, was still inside of her, finding comfort in her warmth.

"That was the most amazing experience in my entire life."

"That was the most amazing experience in my entire existence."

I pulled out and lay on my back as I brought her on top of me to rest. We were one. I would hold on to her like this forever. It was the only way I could continue to exist.

**BPOV**

I was high on happiness. The heat of my body had sufficiently warmed Jaspers, so his cold skin was merely lightly cool to the touch. It was soothing. Jasper coming into my life was so unexpected. Even though it has been only two and half months I felt like we had been together forever. Forever – that word was taboo in my vocabulary. When I think of all the arguments and all the pleading I had done with Edward over that three syllable word, and Jasper utters it like there was never a question. Thinking about Edward made guilt seep into my heart. How is it that I can love so freely when I thought my heart and soul belonged to another. Weren't my actions a betrayal to Edward's memory? How could I disrespect the memory of Alice by being with her husband?

"Bella, love, I can feel your guilt." He tilted my head up to look at him. He was looking at me with such sadness. "Do you regret us being together?" His heart looked like it was breaking. I was hurting this beautiful man who did nothing but piece me together.

"Jasper, no. I could never regret sharing my love with you. It's just that, I thought my heart belonged to Edward forever. Alice was my best friend. How is it that I can feel such an enormous amount of love for you when I'm betraying two people who I cherished most on this earth?

I could see the understanding in his eyes. He held me close and kissed the top of my head. "I should have taken things slower. I'm sorry Bella. I've had almost three years to come to terms with Alice's death. I have done things that I know she would be disappointed and ashamed of me if she were alive to see. You are my redemption. I didn't know I was capable of love again until I saw you that day along the waterfront. If you need to take things a step back I understand." His voice sounded lost and dejected.

"Jasper, this will have to be something I need to make peace with, but I don't want waste anymore time hurting over Edward. You healed me Jasper. The last three years I have spent waiting. Waiting for Edward to come back, waiting for the hole in my chest to heal, waiting for my heart to start beating again. Jasper, you healed my heart. You are the one who made it beat again. I can't wait for something that is already right in front of me. I may have found out about their deaths only a few short months ago, but I have been mourning them for years. It's time I let myself be happy again."

We lay there quiet for a moment, and then he whispered in my ear,

"You know, I meant what I said about forever."

I looked up at his beautiful face. The intensity of his gaze was boring into my soul as his inference hung in the air. "Jasper, I know how Edward felt about changing me. I don't want you to think I'm with you because I want to be immortal. This is happening quickly for you too. I don't want to put you in a position where you've made a promise you regret."

"Bella, I am not Edward. I'm a selfish creature. When I say I need you by my side for eternity, I mean it. I don't want to force you into anything either, but I know I can't live without you. I also could never deny you the ability to be with me forever if that is what you want. You're everything to me."

"Jasper, there are things I have done that I haven't told you."

"Bella, there are things I have done that I haven't told you too. We have time. We don't need to rush into this just yet. I want to tell you everything. I want you to have the full picture of who I am before making such a monumental decision. I want you to spend some time with your friends and family before considering leaving them forever." I huddled closer to him. I knew we still had some things to overcome, but they didn't seem quite so daunting anymore. We loved one another. We wanted to an eternity together, and that was something to hold on to.

_December_

**BPOV**

The winter air was cold and damp. I felt like I had been through an emotional rollercoaster this past month. Jasper and I declared our love for one another, then I had to come clean about the months prior to my suicide attempt. Admitting that I was a cutter who traded sex for drugs was humiliating. It brought back all the feelings of pain, inadequacy, worthlessness, and loss that I had tried so long to repress. Jasper didn't judge me. He just held me as I cried, his body shaking with his own tearless sobs. When my tears finally subsided, Jasper reassured me that it didn't change his love for me. He was understanding and sympathetic. He brought my arms up to his lips and kissed each scar as he stroked my hair. It felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Jasper waited a few days before telling me about his past. It was something that troubled him deeply. I knew that Jasper viewed himself as evil. Now I know why. His time with Maria in the South had been filled with violence, torture, and blood. His scars were a constant reminder of his past. There was the pain he inflicted on others and the pain he endured as a result. His memory being perfect, he didn't need any more reminders. I vowed to be the one to help him put his past behind him.

Even though I was emotionally drained, it felt good to get our secrets out in open. It was one less thing between us. Our acceptance of one another brought us closer together. I felt like we could conquer anything. Jasper was very open about the topic of changing me. He explained the process, the risks, the pain I would have to endure, the possible changes to my body. He held nothing back and answered all of my questions. It made me feel like we were partners in this together. I had complete faith that Jasper could change me. He's done it in the past and I know that his love for me would stop him from completely draining my blood. With all of the information and support he gave me, he still made it clear that the choice had to be mine when the time was right. I knew Jasper felt I should see Charlie and Jake before making any decisions. Not that my mind would change. I will be spending an eternity with Jasper. I couldn't help but make comparisons between my relationship with him and Edward. Edward would never broach the subject. He was constantly keeping me in the dark with the excuse of trying to protect me. I was never going to be his equal. It made me realise how blind I was and how immature our love was. It's not that it wasn't real. Edward would always hold a special place in my heart, but my love for Jasper was what love should be. It was comforting, equal, and supportive. I also decided that Jasper should tell Carlisle that I was alive. It wasn't fair to ask Jasper to withhold information from his family, and I missed them too. If they chose not to accept me, it was better to know now rather than later. We both decided to leave our Seattle home on the same day to visit our respective families. Neither of us felt like being home without the other one there. Jasper would go to Montana and I would go to Forks on December 21st. We were both scheduled to be home by December 31st so we could ring in the New Year together. As we made our plans I crossed my fingers.


	13. Chapter 13 Time to Face the Music

Feb 23, 2011

A/N: Hope you enjoy

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**BPOV**

I pulled into the driveway and Charlie was running out the door to greet me.

"Hey kiddo! Glad to have ya back. It'll be nice having more than frozen pizza for a change." He grabbed my bags from my arms and planted a peck on my forehead.

I laughed as I spoke, "Gee dad, it's nice to know you missed me and not just my cooking." Charlie was clearly excited to have me home for a few days.

He placed my bags in my room, which hadn't changed since I was ten, and gave me some time alone to unpack and get settled. As I unpacked I heard him call out, "Hey Bells, I gotta head out to work. You should probably give Jake a call and let him know you're back. I'll be home by about eight tonight." _Clearly Jake hasn't filled him in our current status._

"Sure Dad. Be safe."

"Always am."

My heart was happy. Charlie and I were back to our old routine before my little melt down, except things were even better than before. We were somehow closer even though I couldn't describe how. Looking in the fridge I saw there was nothing really to work with so I headed to the grocery store to pick up a few supplies. Once I got back and put all the food away, I had to bite the bullet and call Jake. _Wrong! Take the cop out option and call Vanessa. _

She picked up on the second ring.

"Hey Vanessa! It's Bella. I'm back."

"Have you called Jake yet?"

"I'm calling you."

"You want me to do your dirty work."

"Vanessa..." I was totally resorting to whining. "You know he won't talk to me. He'll listen to you."

"That's because I'm his imprint and he can't help himself. It's not fair to use that to your advantage and you know it." The words said no, but the tone said maybe.

"I'm begging. If I thought he wouldn't hang up on me I would call him this second."

"Ugh! Fine. I will talk to Jake. Give me an hour and then give him a call. I'm not promising miracles, but he'll take your call...At least if he wants me to still put out he will"

_Now I'm traumatized by the mental picture. _"thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you so much. Jake is so lucky to have you. So am I for that matter."

"Yeah, yeah. Preaching to the choir."

We hung up and I started dinner. I got the pork chops in the oven, finished the garlic mash potatoes and green beans by the time the hour was up.

I took a deep breath and dialled Jake's number. He answered on the phone on the first ring.

"Hey Bells." His tone sounded like a scolded fiver year hold.

"Hey Jake. Look, know you're still mad at me, but Jake, I'm tired of fighting and I miss you. Can't you just accept that I found someone that makes me happy?"

"You're asking me to accept that you're putting your life in danger and choosing my mortal enemy over me, your best friend."

"Jake you're not being fair. You have your soul mate. Don't I deserve to find mine?"

"Sure, as long as he's breathing."

"Sometimes life doesn't work out the way we expect Jake. I love him. I'm not asking that you be best friends, I'm just asking that you accept that he makes me happy and respect my decision."

"Look, you are my best friend. This is going to take a while for me get over. Can we just move on and change the subject?"

He wasn't giving up, but at least he was offering a truce. "Sure. Dinner's ready and I brought you Ninja Assassins on Blue Ray. Want to come over for some grub then a little blood and guts."

"Hell yeah! Vanessa makes me watch romantic comedies. I'm afraid if it keeps up I'm going to turn into Patrick Dempsy."

"The fact that you know who Patrick Dempsy is alone wrong on so many levels."

By the time Jake came over, Charlie arrived home from work. The three of us ate together and hung out around the TV. It was a comfortable ritual we had. Once the movie ended Charlie headed for bed and left Jake and I alone. I think Charlie always hoped that Jake and I would end up together. After all, Jake was the son that he never had. I don't know if Charlie would still feel that way if he knew that Jake four paws and fur on his belly.

It was an uncomfortable quiet as both of ignored the elephant in the room. I tried to bring back the light heartedness that was here before Charlie left.

"So, give me all the gossip. What's new with the lives of the young and the restless on the res?"

"Awe, you know. Same old drama. Embry imprinted on Seth's girlfriend. They had it out, but things eventually worked out. Leah went to visit my sister in Hawaii and hooked up with a Samoan surfer. She's decided to stay there. I plan on proposing to Vanessa. Quil got a football scholarship to Georgetown. Sam..."

"Hold on there buddy. Did you just say you plan on proposing to Vanessa?"

If his skin wasn't so tanned he would have been as red as a cherry tomato. "Um, yeah. She's the one for me. I figured why wait? I bought the ring and plan on doing it this Christmas."

I was excited. "Jake, that's awesome. You two are perfect together. I can't wait for the wedding."

"I actually brought the ring with me. I thought you could give me your opinion and make sure that she'll like it."

I stretched out my hand in a "gimme gimme" motion and he pulled out ring. It was a simple one carat solitaire set on a narrow platinum band. It reminded of me of Vanessa - simple, elegant, and to the point. It was a testament to how well he knew her and how right they were for each other.

"Jake, this is perfect. She will love it. You did really good."

"Thanks Bells. She's the one you know."

"I know Jake." We sat there in silence for a while just contemplating the monumental life change that Jake was going through. He looked more like a man in this moment than ever before. If I doubted his readiness to grow up, that was all squashed now.

"You know Bells. I understand that you deserve to be happy too. Having Vanessa makes everything in my life have meaning. If I lost her, I don't know what I would do, so I get why you hurt so bad all those years. I just need to know. Is he really the one Bells? Are you sure?"

"Jake, I have never been more sure about anything in my life. He is it for me. He's my Vanessa."

"He's still a vampire. Bells, you'll never have kids. What about when you get old? You'll be alone and it will be too late to start a family?"

"Jake, you Charlie, Vanessa, and Jasper are my family. I don't plan on leaving Jasper, and he doesn't plan on leaving me."

"So are you saying he's going to change you? You're going to be one of them?"

I wasn't really ready to face this part yet. I hadn't had time to think about the timing, logistics, or how to temper Jakes reaction, but he asked and we have always been bluntly true with one another. I wasn't going to stop now.

"That is the plan eventually, but it's not happening tomorrow or anything like that. We just know that we plan on spending eternity together."

Jake was clearly upset, but trying not to break our little truce. I could see the internal battle going on in his head as he tried to figure out what to say next.

"I need some time to process this. I have to go." He made to get up and has he walked towards the door I grabbed his arm.

"Jake, please. Please understand. I love him. I didn't think that was possible for me anymore. I thought any chance I had at happiness left with Edward. You and Charlie put me back together, but Jasper brought me back to life."

He scoffed. "Life? He brought you back to life so he could take it away. He tried to kill you. What makes you think that he won't finish the job this time."

Tears were brimming, but I did my best to hold them back. "Please Jake, don't make me choose between the two of you. I love you both. I need you both."

"I'll call you tomorrow okay?" He gave me a hug, but looked extremely sad, then walked out the door. I should have followed, but I didn't have the heart. I needed Jake in my life, but piece of me felt like it was missing without Jasper. I crawled into bed and cried with self pity.

**JPOV**

I pulled up to the large cabin in the outskirts of Fairfield. It was a small clearing in a wooded area and was not easily accessible. I silently patted myself on the back for going with the more practical Mercedes G-Wagon instead of BMW Z4 Roadster. I cringed at the thought of Bella making the drive all the way to Forks in her poor excuse for a car. Even though I constantly worried about her in that death trap, I never said a word. I didn't want her to think I was trying to change or worse yet, judge her. She had enough of that with Edward and Alice.

The cabin like all the other homes we lived had in, had an air of sophistication yet felt comfortable and homey. It was series of stacked cubes covered in glass, framed with cedar. It looked like a warm oasis in the middle of a winter wonderland. Carlisle and Esme, sensing my arrival opened the front door and came out on to the porch to greet me. When I got out of the car, the colour of my eyes did not go unnoticed. Carlisle stood there trying to contain his joy. My heart swelled at his pride when he looked at me. Esme's joy was like a hurricane. In fact she was like a hurricane. She bolted from Carlisle's side and crashed into me, clutching me so hard, I thought I might get crushed by her love. She was tearlessly sobbing as she held me, and I couldn't help but wrap my arms around this woman who wanted nothing more than to be my mother. Her capacity for forgiveness and love was endless.

"Jasper, we've missed you so much."

"I'm happy to see you too. I love you Esme."

Hearing me saying I love you just made her sob harder and clutch me tighter. Even though I always knew she and Carlisle loved me, this was the first time it was expressed so freely. I wondered if it was my absence that made them realise the level they cared about me or if it was always there, but I had just never let myself open up enough to accept it.

Carlisle walked up to the two of and gently pried Esme off of me.

"Okay now, let's not smother him in the first ten minutes of getting here." He was smiling as he spoke and put his hand on my shoulder. "Glad to see you back." I'm sure he meant in more ways than one.

"Things have been better. Things have been good actually."

"Well let's get you settled first before we chat." There was relief and yet nervousness in his voice. I'm sure it had to do with the news I received from Garrett.

Esme showed me to my room. It was simple and tastefully decorated. There were two items in the room that clearly denoted it as mine. One was my guitar. I can't believe she held on to it after all these years. I was so distraught when I left I brought nothing with me. I had left my cherished possession behind. My guitar always centred me when things got too much. When I was having a bad day and the smell of humans was getting to be too much, or when the house or school was filled with too many emotions that made me crazy, I would grab my guitar. The fact that Esme kept it meant a lot to me. It showed just how much she knew me and loved me. The second thing was a picture of Alice and I during happier times. We were on a dock at a lake. I was wearing navy and white board shorts with a grey long sleeve t-shirt. Alice was in a pair of pink short shorts and a pink bikini top. She was on my back and my head was turned to face her as she planted her lips on my cheek. I was laughing and care free. I'm not going to lie. Seeing that picture was like a punch in the gut. My first reaction was to place the photo facing down. Memories of all of our times together played through my head like a slide show. My last moment with Alice was so painful. Knowing I had let her down and never made it up to her. Knowing my actions led to her demise was a crushing weight to bear. I sat there for a long time just staring off into space. The only thing that I could think of to take the pain away was to hear Bella's voice.

I called her cell, and even though she answered on the first ring it was clear by the grogginess in her voice that I had woke her up.

"Jasper?"

"Hello love. I'm sorry I woke you. I just needed to hear your voice."

"No, I'm glad you called. I kept the phone by my pillow hoping to hear your voice. I would have called you first, but I thought you might like some time alone with your family. Is everything okay?"

"I just need you. I'll always need you."

"And I will always be here for you. No matter what, no matter when. I love you."

I couldn't say anything. Just hearing her tell me she loved me made my dead heart skip a beat and yet, I felt so guilty. I felt like I was cheating on Alice by being with her, and I felt like I was cheating on Bella by still having these feelings about Alice. No matter what I did I would always lose. As if she read my mind she asked, "It's Alice isn't it?"

"I'm sorry. It's not fair for me to be calling you for this."

"Jasper, you spent a long time with her. You can't just turn those feelings off. It's okay to still love her. I love her too. She lives on in our hearts. It's important that you remember her and that you remember the love that you shared."

"I don't deserve you."

"You know how I feel about talk like that. We deserve each other. We deserve to be happy. You left her abruptly and didn't get a chance to say good bye. This can be your chance. Let go of your guilt and hang on to the memories of your love."

"You're too young to be this wise."

"Well, maybe your oldness is rubbing off on me."

"Goodnight my love."

"Now that I've heard your voice it will be."

"In that case I'll call you every night."

"I'm counting on it."

We exchanged our final farewells and I love yous for the evening. My heart definitely felt lighter. Once again she proved what a tremendous heart she has. I knew I could get through anything with her by my side. Once I hung up there was a light knock on the door.

"Come in Esme"

"Jasper, I couldn't help but hear you on the phone. I thought you might like to talk."

"You know, even though this is a different place, a different house, a different room with different furniture, you still managed to make it feel like my home. Thank you for the guitar and picture. It means a lot to me."

She sat beside me on the edge of the bed and put an arm over my shoulder. "This should feel like your home, because it is. It doesn't matter how much time we've been apart, where we move to, or what you path you choose to live your life. We will always be your family."

I pulled her into a hug. She felt so comforting. "I'm sorry for all the pain I've put you through."

"Don't be sorry. You've lived a hard life Jasper. Much harder than any of us. I know we reacted badly that day. We drove you away when we should have comforted and supported you. I'm just glad it looks like you have found someone you love. She must be very special."

"She is. I promise I will tell you about her. I just want to tell you and Carlisle together. Let's focus first on getting our family back in order."

I stood up and reached out to her. She smiled as she gently placed her hand in my mind. "Always the gentleman."

I grinned right back, "Only the in the presence of a lady."

I tucked her arm under mine and we headed downstairs toward Carlisle who was waiting for us in the living room, sitting in an easy chair. On the outside he looked completely composed. On the inside he was happy, relieved, eager, and nervous. Esme took her place on the sofa and I took a seat on the matching easy chair opposite to Carlisle. He gave me a reassuring smile indicating that I had the floor.

"I know I haven't been in touch. There is no excuse for abandoning you for so long, but I'm here now and I want to help in any way I can."

"Jasper, the important thing is you're here. We love you and no matter what happens that will never change. We've been in touch with the Denali Clan. Garret has been with them the past three months. He mentioned her ran into you and filled you in on our situation."

Carlisle was curious. I had called from Bella's months ago to tell him that I was coming home but it wouldn't be until Christmas. I didn't tell him I knew of his situation, nor did I tell him about Bella. I'm sure he was wondering why didn't rush home the moment I found out about the Volturi. I mulled over these thoughts as I spoke, "He did. I was planning to come sooner, but decided to take a detour then became side tracked. I knew that while the Volturi pose a threat, you weren't in imminent danger. My life reached a turning point in these last few months. There are things you need to know."

His happiness swelled, "So I heard. I'm so glad there is love in your life. Our problems can wait. Let`s start with the good news shall we?"

I didn't know where to start. _You know that daughter you abandoned and destroyed, which led to the death of two of your children? Well, she's alive, but not for long, because I plan on making her mine for eternity. _"I am in love. In fact it's someone you know quite well."

Now both of them were brimming with curiosity. Esme couldn't contain her excitement. "Jasper, oh my goodness! I have no idea who it could possibly be. You have to tell us who it is."

_Well, here goes nothin'. _"I'm in love with Bella Swan."

_Here it comes. _I was bombarded with shock, disbelief, incredulousness, pain, and hope. They didn't say anything. They just stared. "I know this news is difficult to take. She's alive. Before coming to see you, I took a detour in Seattle where I found her."

It was Carlisle's turn to speak. His voice was barely a whisper. "But Alice? She saw her demise. How is this possible?"

"Bella did try to kill herself. Jacob Black, a werewolf, saved her in time." This news brought a myriad of intense conflicting emotions; confusion, realization, relief, guilt, hope, and despair. All of which felt like being stabbed in the heart over and over again. With a great deal of effort I sent them a dose of calm. "I know this is a shock. I wish I could bring Alice and Edward back, but I can't. I wish I could undo my mistakes, but I can't. All I can do is focus on the fact that the girl we all love is alive.

"Jasper, I'm sorry for the pain we're inflicting on you. Esme and I are just trying to process this information. You've given us a lot in a short span of time. Bella is alive. Because she was saved from attempted suicide by a werewolf, Alice wasn't able to see the outcome. Now the two of you are in love. Did I get that all right?"

"It's nice to know that age hasn't affected your hearing or thought process." I was grinning because I could feel Esme's joy spike. "Yes, you did get that all right. She's in Forks right now visiting Charlie. I plan on going back to Seattle before the New Year to be with her. My original plan was to come home to you and deal with the Volturi together, but Bella changes that. I love her. I can't exist without her, and she shares my feelings. My plan is to turn her. Before I do I want to make sure she is ready and I wanted find out what the situation is here.

Esme was quite worried. "Jasper, I am so happy for you both. I can't believe she's alive. I have so many questions. Does she hate us? She tried to kill herself, is she really okay? How did she handle the news about Edward and Alice? How are you handling your blood lust around her?"

"When I first met her, I'm not going to lie; she was like an empty shell. She was so sad, but she was determined to move on for her friends and family. She could never hate you. She loves you and hopes you love her, which I reassured her you do. She is really okay. The news about Edward and Alice was not easy, but we worked through it. I'm hunting on an almost a daily basis. I feel in control the vast majority of the time, but I'm not taking any chances."

"Can we see her?"

Carlisle moved from the easy chair to beside Esme on the couch. "I know how much you love her. I love her too, but we can't risk the Volturi knowing she's alive. It would put all of us, including Bella and Jasper in danger."

Esme sobbed on Carlisle shoulder. He rubbed soothing circles on her back and held her to him. Carlisle sounded very grave. It looked like the good news was over and it was time to get on to the bad news. Carlisle gave me a weary look as he comforted Esme. "Carlisle, can you fill me in on what's been happening?"

"Edward was distraught when he thought Bella died. He went to Volterra to ask for his life to be ended. Alice followed him hoping she could save him. Aro called me to simply say that Alice and Edward have been disposed of and that my lifestyle was a danger to our kind. He warned me that sticking to my diet would lead to the destruction of the rest of my family. You were gone. Rosalie and Emmett wanted to stay, but I convinced them that they should consider taking a world trip for a few years to let things settle down. Since then the Volturi make a yearly visit. I'm sure they are keeping tabs on me in other ways, so Esme and I have avoided associating with humans as much as we can. We don't want to put anyone innocent in danger. I have been cautiously mentioning our plight to friends and allies in hopes of their support. We will need a united front. The Volturi can't kill me without cause because it will stir trouble with the masses. Like the Voluturi looking for excuses to end my life, the Romanians are looking for excuses to overthrow them. They need to be just as cautious as I am. I'm afraid that we may be a catalyst for an all and out war."

"You said that they keep tabs on you once a year. When was the last time they were here?"

"They come on September 28th, the anniversary of Edward and Alice's death. However, it's likely they have someone watching us on a more regular basis."

"Obviously I can't put Bella at risk, but if she were a vampire that would be another person to add to your ranks."

"Jasper, I don't want to pressure her with our problems, especially after all this family has put her through. Plus she will be a new born and unstable. She would still be at risk and in danger."

"I can train her. It's not like I can forget how, but your right. I don't want to make her enter into this life unless she is absolutely sure it is what she wants. I certainly don't want to put her in harm's way. How much time do you think you have before the Volturi make a move?

"I'm sure time is on our side. They are very old. Even though they come every year on this milestone date, they don't acknowledge the passage of time the way we do. What seems like a year to one person seems like only mere weeks to them. Go back to Bella. We know we can call you if the need for your help arises. Please give her our love."

"I will."

I checked my watch. I could make it in time for Bella to wake up. I left Seattle less than 14 hours ago and I already felt like my life had less meaning. I needed her. I felt like I was missing a part of me. Carlisle and Esme understood, after all, they shared the same type of connection. I gave Esme yet another hug for the day and Carlisle patted my shoulder with one hand as he shook my hand with his other. No other words were said. This wasn't good bye. They knew I would be back and bringing their daughter back with me next time. As I drove off I felt something sinister lurking in the woods. I had a feeling my arrival and departure didn't go un-noticed.

**Once the jeep sped away a call was made.**

"You have news?"

"Yes Master. The prodigal son has returned."

"Is he there now?"

"No, he came, stayed for five hours forty-five minutes, and then departed two minutes ago."

"Odd isn't it? That he didn't stay? Do you have any other information?"

"Only that judging from his eyes, he has maintained their perverse diet. Should we have him followed?"

"No. He's an empath. If we send anyone he will know. Besides, we have ways of tracking him from here. Come home. I'm sure you miss civilization and Felix has been playing with your toys."

"Yes master. Please tell Felix that they should remain intact. I would hate to come home and find them broken and useless."

"He knows better, but I will emphasize your request."

**Phone snaps shut and the sinister hooded being takes off.**


	14. Chapter 14 I'd Rather Be on Fire

Feb 24, 2011

A/N: This chapter is a glimpse of what was going on while Jasper and Bella were grieving their loss.

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**Timing: Sometime in the past prior to Jasper meeting Bella.**

**APOV**

I never felt the pain associated with being born a vampire. One day I awoke in darkness to the ever present burn of thirst. I remember nothing of who I was or how I got there. I've been told it's the worst pain anyone can possibly imagine, though I can't believe it's worse than this. I have no idea how long we've been here. I haven't seen day fade into night, nor one season fading into the next. Prior to my imprisonment I remember leaping towards Edward as he stepped out into the sun. The next thing I know I'm chained to a wall, completely naked and screaming in agony. I look over to the source of my pain. Ah Jane! There she stands like a pretty little china doll in the middle of this concrete room, a small smile playing across her lips. Alec stands behind her with his hands on her shoulders, like they're posing for a family portrait.

"Please!" I beg, "Make it stop."

Her grin gets slightly wider, and the pain begins to subside. "Do you wish me to stop Alice?"

I whimper in response and she walks towards me. We're about the same height, and she is staring directly into my eyes. She gently puts a hand to my cheek and in her most angelic voice says, "Dear Alice. I'll stop. Demetri will be taking over from here. Aro thought he could use some amusement as reward for his service."

My body slumps and I dangle from my shackles at the realization of her words. My mind is plagued by visions of degradation that Demetri has planned for me. Somewhere in another room I can hear Edward screaming my name. Where ever he is, he can still hear and see my thoughts. He knows what's in store for me. In my mind I say to him, _it's okay Edward. It's okay. We'll get through this. _His screams turn into sobs. He's saying the word no over and over again.

Alec approaches Jane. He doesn't look in my direction. It's like I'm not even in the room. He places a light kiss on her head. It's seems weirdly intimate. He brushes a stray lock of hair behind her ear and speaks softly. "Sister, I think it's time we pay our other guest a visit. Felix shouldn't have all the pleasure." Jane looks at him adoringly and entwines her hand with his as they glide out of the room.

As I wait for the next ring of hell I look for Jasper in my mind. My heart breaks as I see him making love to a strange woman in an apartment. She's crying out in ecstasy as he thrusts inside of her. To my horror I see him suddenly snap her neck and begin to drain the life out of her. His moans of release are ringing in my ears and stabbing me in the heart. I'm vaguely aware of Edward's pain filled screams coming from the other room and a cloaked figure entering mine. I suddenly wished Jane had never left. At least the physical pain blocked out the emotional one and anything would be better than what I was about to face.

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A/N: Are you creeped out yet? Next chapter will be present day Jasper and Bella again, but expect to see more glimpses of Edward and Alice in the future chaps.


	15. Chapter 15 House Guest

Feb 25, 2011

A/N: Okay, truthfully, I kind of hate this chapter. I also kind of hate the next chapter. I found writing Jasper's interactions with Bella's family really difficult, mainly because it seems out of his character. But I figure he'll do anything for love right? All I can say is - please be kind.

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**BPOV**

I woke up to the beeping of my cell phone alerting me to a text message. My heart jumped. Even thought I had just heard from Jasper late last night, I woke up missing him. I grabbed the phone from under the pillow and smiled at Jasper's name. _Good Morning Love. Look outside the window._ Completely excited I jumped out of bed, almost falling flat on my face as my left foot got caught in the blanket. Outside of my bedroom window was the love of my life smiling beside an ugly box-like SUV. Just then my phone went off again. _Hey I felt that and I'll have you know this baby can kick butt out of your shit-box car. _I couldn't have him insult Lucy like that. _Yeah, well let's see who gets further on one tank of gas. _Immediately my phone was buzzing in response. _You may get further but it would be one boring ride. Now get down here so I can show you a proper good morning. _It was clear he wasn't interested in banter.

I raced down the stairs, almost tripping twice, and flung the front door open. There with a huge grin on his face and a poinsettia plant in one hand was my reason for being. I flung myself at him wrapping my arms tightly around his neck and my legs tightly around his waist. He kept me balanced with his free hand cupping my ass as he led us into the living room and kicked the door shut with his leg. I couldn't think coherent thoughts. I just had to taste him, feel him, make sure he was really here in front of me. My mouth attacked his and I ground my hips against him feeling the bulge in his jeans getting harder. I'm not sure what he did with the plant, but next thing I knew I felt his hands everywhere. He was fisting my hair, squeezing my ass, caressing my breasts. He led us to the couch and took a seat while I straddled him. He was rubbing my thighs and mumbled in my mouth "You're cold". I took a second to realise he was trying to rub away all the goose bumps that dotted my skin. In my haste I ran out in only a tight white tank top with a pair of white boy shorts underwear. The temperature didn't register as the heat building in my core was overriding any other senses at the moment. "I'm not cold. In fact, I'm hot – very hot. I'm also wet – very wet." I started grinding hard into him letting my wetness soak through my underwear and begin to dampen his jeans. He groaned as his lips made their way to my neck. "Mmm...you're right. You smell so good. I need to taste you." My head was flung back and my eyes were closed. He was wearing too much clothes and I needed skin on skin contact now. "I need you, now." He didn't need telling twice. With vampire speed we were upstairs and on my bed. "I didn't tell you which room was mine." He was too filled with lust to smile. "You didn't need to. I could smell it from a mile away."

Jasper and I spent most of the morning worshipping each other and now we were simply lying naked in each others' arms. We had only been apart for one day, but it felt like I was missing an appendage and I was trying to fuse it back. Now that were together and satiated the world seemed like a better place. Still, I worried about him cutting his trip short. Did the Cullens not accept him back? Is he okay?

"Darlin, I can feel your worry and curiosity. I take it you want to know what brought me on your door step?"

"Jasper, I love you. I love that you're here. But you haven't seen your family in years and after only one day, you left."

"Everything's okay – sort of. I do need to fill you in however, since you were the topic of conversation."

I swallowed hard and felt knots in my stomach. I was so afraid at their reaction to my being alive. They would blame me for Edward and Alice's death. They probably hate me.

"Darlin, don't be worried or scared. Carlisle and Esme were shocked and ecstatic that you're alive. If they could they would have come themselves to tell you how much they love you. They are also happy for us. The last three years have been difficult for them. The Volturi aren't stalking them, but they are keeping tabs. They can't live the way they used to. Carlisle isn't working; Esme can't have any of her hobbies if it involves a lot of human interaction. Because the size of Carlisle's family was also an issue, Emmett and Rosalie are traveling the world to take some of the heat off. The family is scattered and broken right now."

"That's so awful. We've suffered so much by being apart. Shouldn't we go to them? Bring everyone back together?"

"It's not that easy. One, large numbers are a threat to the Volturi. Two, you are still human, thus that would be the excuse they need to bring down their wrath."

"I'm not sure what to do about number one, but I have an answer for number two."

"I know I said we had all the time in the world to make you mine forever, but our family's situation changes that. I still don't want you to enter into this lightly. Think about how Charlie will feel when he finds out your dead. Think about how it will affect Renee? It also means breaking the treaty with the Quileute. You would be the mortal enemy of your best friend. If you have any doubts about this than you shouldn't go through with it. Rosalie may have found the love of her life when she met Emmett, but she still wishes Carlisle had left her to die. I may not be enough for you."

Tears welled up in my eyes. He was right that I had to take into account Charlie, Jake and Renee. After all, they were here for me when I was falling apart. It also pained me that he thought he wouldn't be enough for me. He was all I needed. I knew I wanted to be with Jasper forever, and I wasn't going to wait till I'm sixty to change, so my timeline has sped up maybe a year or two to prepare my loved ones for the inevitable. As hopeless as it seemed, I had made my choice the moment Jasper walked through my door.

I wiped away my un-fallen tears as I spoke, "Jasper, when we talked about forever, there were no questions in my mind that this is what I want. You are more than enough for me. You are all I need. It might break my family's hearts but I know that they can recover. You healed my broken heart. I'm sure with time Charlie and Renee will be able to move on. We just need to ensure we provide them with some closure. Jake and I spoke yesterday. It didn't end well. He knows that I planning on changing and he is very angry. Since he will know the truth I need to find a way to get him to accept my decision."

"Because of the treaty, we can't do it here. The best thing to do would be to leave Forks after the holidays and change you in a place where you'll be away from humans. We won't be able to return to Forks ever. Could you really live with that?"

"I wasn't planning on living here after school. It's hard to think about how much this will hurt them, but now that I've found happiness I can't let it go. I also know I couldn't live knowing that I could do something to help Carlisle and Esme. I still love them very much. I've made my mind up and not changing it. We just need to work out the details."

"If you say your mind is made up and you have made peace with the consequences, then that's all I need to hear. I don't want you to ever feel like I'm making up your mind for you."

I placed a kiss on his chest over where his heart should beat. "I know, and it makes me love you all the more." I gave him one last hug and began to untangle myself from him. "We've been in bed all day and I have to get Charlie's dinner ready. You better make yourself scarce, otherwise you'll be pretending to love my chicken with scalloped potatoes at the dinner table."

"Yeah, I think I'll pass. Do you think Charlie will mind if I pop in unexpected after dinner?"

"I think it'll be a good idea. Even if he won't be in my life, I want him to know how happy you've made me. Do you think you'll be able to come back by 9:00?"

"I'll be here with bells on."

Just as I turned to go in the shower I realised a very important fact. In our rush to get reacquainted his clothes were now threads on the floor. "Um...Jasper, what are you going to do about clothing?"

He chuckled, "No worries love. I've got clothes in the G-Wagon and thankfully I'm too quick for it to be considered streaking."

I smirked as I headed for the shower. Who was I to question the modesty of a vampire? As long as the neighbours didn't see, I wasn't going to worry about it. The hot water soothed my aching body. _At least once you're a vampire you won't have to worry about the after effects of rough sex. _

My heart was heavy after Jasper left. I loved Charlie so much. I thought about how much I hurt him after my suicide attempt. Now I was going to hurt him again. And Jake – what was I going to do about Jake? I loved him so much. It saddened me that he put his hatred of the Cullens before his love for me. I couldn't change with the way things were between us. My first reaction was to call Vanessa, but I couldn't use her as a crutch forever. She was right. We had to grow up and deal with our problems head on.

I sucked in a breath and dialled his number.

"Hello?"

"Hey Jake, it's me. Bella."

"Bella! Look, I didn't mean for last night to end up like that. I'm sorry."

Tears were already rolling down my face. _God you're a sap!_ "Oh Jake, I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have blurted it out like that. It's just that I'm so happy for you and Vanessa. I just want you to be happy for me too."

"Bella, how can you ask me to be happy? You're with a killer. You're going to be a killer? Is that what you want?"

"I'm not going lie. Jasper has killed. It is not something that sits well with me. But Jake, people change. He's changed. And I promise that I won't be a killer. Jasper knows how I feel about hurting others. He will keep me from killing anyone."

"Do you really believe that? He tried to kill you!"

I started crying harder. "Jake, please. I'm begging you. Please accept this. Jasper won't kill me or anyone else. I won't kill anyone. We just want to be together."

"What about Charlie? You almost killed him when you tried that little stunt years ago. You didn't see how distraught he was night after night at your bedside. He aged ten years. What do you think your death is going to do to him?"

"That's not fair. You're asking me to give up the love of my life and return to an empty shell so I don't hurt Charlie. You're right, it will break his heart, but he will eventually move on. If I lose Jasper, I don't think I could handle that."

"You were going to kill yourself over one vampire and now you're threatening to do it again over another? Don't you see a pattern here?"

"I know it's ludicrous. And maybe it's fate that has put me in this position. I just know that this is what I want. I'm going to do it with or without your support. I'm hoping you won't throw our friendship away."

"What about the treaty? If he bites you than that's it. Sam won't make an exception."

"I'm moving away from Forks. The Cullens won't be returning."

"What about me? I plan on getting married. Vanessa will want you standing with her and you won't be there."

"Look, I'm sorry. If I could I would be there, but I've already explained to you and Vanessa about the Volturi. I can't put it off that long. Jasper will be changing me by the new year."

"I don't know what to say Bells."

"Jake, maybe if you just met Jasper. See that he's not a threat. Could you do that for me?"

There was a pause. "Look Bella. I'll do it for you, but I'm not making any promises."

"Thank you Jake. Can you come by the house tomorrow? Say around noon?"

"I'll be there. Remember – NO promises."

"I'll remember." I was giddy when I hung up. Jake even giving Jasper a chance was huge.

I hummed away the rest of the evening as I prepared Charlie's dinner. During dinner I brought up Jasper.

"Dad, we need to talk."

"I take it you want to talk about that Jason fella."

"It's Jasper Dad, and yes I would like to talk about him. I love him Dad."

This was a topic that Charlie was clearly uncomfortable talking about. He looked like he had ants crawling all over him. "Bells, how long have you really known this guy? You're too young for this love stuff."

"He wasn't some random stranger I met on the street Dad..." _Okay, he kind of was, but Charlie doesn't need to know that. _"...and I'm 20 years old.

"Bells, all I'm saying is after all you've been through and how good you're doing right now, why do you need to get yourself mixed up with the Cullens again? Look, I'm sorry about Edward and Alice. But, I can't forget what their leaving did to you."

"Dad, this is different. I've never been so happy. Jasper is fun and easy going. He treats me like an equal, he lets me live my life on my terms. I know once you meet him, you'll love him too."

"Yeah, well, I'll believe it when I see it."

_Okay, here goes nothing. _"You may have that chance sooner than expected. Jasper is one his way over."

"He is?"

"Yes, and I want him to stay with us over the holidays."

"You do?"

"Yes, and I want you to really give him a chance Dad. He's really important to me."

I could see that Charlie was debating on getting out the shotgun or giving in. Lucky for me the latter won out.

"Fine, but he's sleeping on the couch. I don't care if you are a grown woman. You're still my little girl and I don't want any funny business, otherwise Justin may find himself missing a few limbs."

I ran over and hugged him. "It's Jasper Dad, and thank you, thank you, thank you."

"Yeah, yeah. So when does JASPER get here?"

"um in about 10 minutes."

Charlie just grunted and went to clear the table. I grabbed the dishes from his hand. "Why don't you go catch a basketball game on tv while I clean up."

"Don't need to tell me twice."

I finished up the dishes and right on schedule Jasper knocked on the door. Charlie made no moves to get up as I ran to the door. As I opened the door I took a deep breath and smiled at our houseguest. Jasper was holding a six pack of Rainier and a couple of wrapped presents.

"Jasper, you shouldn't have."

"Well, you didn't expect me to come empty handed after accepting me into your home did you? My momma raised me better than that."

"Well, I'll just have to thank your momma."

I took the presents and put them under the undecorated tree in the corner of the living room. Charlie and I were planning on decorating it together tomorrow. It would was nice that the three of us could have this moment together now. I held on to Jasper's hand and led him to Charlie. As we walked closer to his easy chair I felt like I was walking the plank. Jasper sent me a dose of calm and I lightly squeezed his hand in gratitude.

"Dad, you remember Jasper."

Charlie stood up and shook Jasper's hand, but didn't smile. "Jasper."

"Hi Charlie. Thanks for letting me in your home on such short notice."

"Yeah well, think nothing of it. I'm just catching a basketball game if you want watch."

"Sure. Boston's playing tonight right?"

Next thing I know Jasper and Charlie were having an animated discussion on the merits of various players and Charlie was smiling. I was trying to sense any strange vibes in the room, but it didn't appear that Jasper was manipulating the situation. I was so happy, and not wanting to ruin the moment, I decided to hang out in the kitchen for a bit with a cup of tea and a book to leave the two men alone with their game. At some point Jasper walked in pulled up the chair beside me and grinned.

"Your dad went to bed."

"You two seemed to get along okay."

He leaned forward, took the book out of my hand and placed it on the table then held my hands in his. "Well, Darlin, me and your dad have quite a bit in common." I grinned back at him. "We love sports, love to hunt, and love you."

I was so happy I didn't have words to express it. I just got up from my seat and made my way to his lap and put my arms around him in the tightest hug I could manage. "God, I love you. Although I bet your definition of hunting differs a lot from Charlie's."

"I love you too. In fact I would like nothing better than to show you how much I love you, but while you were in here, your dad made it quite clear that I'm on the couch for the duration of my stay." I just groaned in protest. "Darlin, I gotta hunt anyways and there is no way I'm gonna mess around with a man's daughter while he's sleeping in the next room. That just ain't right."

"Fine, fine. You have a good night and I will see you in the morning."

**JPOV**

Once I was satisfied that both Bella and Charlie were asleep I took off for a quick hunt. I got to the forest, stripped off into my boxers, made my kill, and then cleaned off by swimming in a nearby river. I thought showering in the middle of the night and changing out of blood stained clothes may be a bit difficult to explain to the chief of police. Charlie was clearly not happy to see me. He's warmed up to me a bit, but you didn't need to be an empath to sense that he was very protective of his daughter and very wary of me. I was not going to do anything that would make Charlie think my intentions regarding his daughter were anything less than honourable. I was thankful that Bella and I had the majority of the day together, because after meeting Charlie, I knew I wasn't going to do anything that would piss the chief off. He was good man who seemed like he's been through a lot. Knowing that I planned on taking his daughter away from him forever and having to look him in the eye was hard enough as it is. The old Jasper wouldn't have cared what Charlie would think. Heck, the old Jasper would have had Charlie for dinner. I was finally starting to understand where Alice, Edward, and the rest of my family were coming from when it came to humans. All of my notions about being above on the food chain were starting to crumble. It made my cravings for human blood burn less in the back of my throat. I waited for morning lost in thought then started a pot of coffee knowing Charlie would be awake way before Bella to go to work. He came downstairs to find me at the table with a cup in my hands. _Even pretending to drink this crap makes me want to wretch._

"You're up early. Couch not comfortable?"

"Morning Charlie. It's comfortable. I'm just not one for sleeping in."

As he took he took his first sip I got a sense of determination from him. He was ready to have the man to man chat.

"Look, I'm not one to beat around the bush, so I've just gotta ask."

"I think you're entitled. Shoot." _Poor choice of words to use on a cop whose daughter you're fucking._

"I'm sorry about Alice. I'm even sorry about Edward, but when your family left it broke my little girl's heart. What are you doing with her Jasper? Because, I think she really likes you and if you pull any of the stunts that Edward did, I'm gonna have to kick your ass."

"I don't just like her Charlie. I love your daughter. I won't hurt her and while I loved my brother, I'm nothing like him. I know what he did to her and I know what our family leaving so suddenly did to her. She didn't hide the facts. My job now is to make sure she never has to go through anything like that ever again."

He was feeling a little bit more relaxed as I spoke. "Well good. I'm holding you to that. You should know that if you do hurt her, I know how to make it look like an accident. Are we clear?

"Yes sir, perfectly clear."

He downed the rest of his coffee and held his hand for a handshake. "I like you kid. You make my baby happy. As long as you keep making her happy, we'll get along alright."

"I intend to sir. You will get no trouble from me."

He nodded and left for work. I wasn't sure what made me happier, the fact that I seem to have Charlie's approval or the fact I could stop pretending to drink this coffee and could now dump it down the sink.


	16. Chapter 16 Christmas Gifts

Feb 25, 2011

A/N: I'm posting this right away because we need to get these chapters out of the way. I can't look at them anymore.

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**BPOV**

I woke up with a light heart. Jasper was here, he and Charlie seemed to get a long okay and Jake was coming over at noon. I showered, brushed my teeth, and changed into jeans and sweatshirt. Looking through the mirror while putting my hair up in a ponytail, I caught Jasper staring at me by my doorway. His gaze was intense. It put chills down my spine and butterflies in my stomach. He sauntered over to me, took the brush out of my hand, loosened my hair out of the ponytail and began to brush it. His fingers were light and gentle. Every now and then they would touch the nape of my neck or my earlobe and my heart would flutter. I closed my eyes as he massaged my scalp and only opened them when I felt him kiss my neck indicating he had finished. He had put my hair in an intricate French braid.

"Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful. When did you learn to do that?"

"When I was human, I was the second youngest of four. While my two older brothers were tending to the ranch, I was put on hair duty for my little sister. You can imagine how excited I was to finally prove my manhood when I enlisted in the war. When I was with the Cullens, Rose would let me brush her hair every now and then. She taught me the fancy stuff."

Hearing Rose's name put my guard up. She did not like me when Edward and Alice were alive, I can't imagine what she thought of me now. "Are you and Rose close?"

"Besides Alice, I was closest to Rose. I found her easy to talk to because no matter what she gives you her honest opinion and doesn't sugar coat it. I know the Cullens love me, but I could also feel their fear, their pity, and their hope that I would prove their fears wrong. I couldn't blame them really. I just couldn't bring myself fully commit to their beliefs. When Edward saved you from getting hit by that van, you should know that my first reaction was to dispose of you. I thought you knew too much and were too much of a threat. I didn't care that you were alive or human. To me you were just an obstacle in the way. When Edward fell in love with you, I was confused. I couldn't grasp how he could love someone that we would normally view of as food. Even though Rose has never tasted human blood, she doesn't like humans. It reminds her of what she lost. She also understood that were I came from, human life means little. Her opinion was a leopard never changes its spots, thus I could never truly become a vegetarian no matter how much I tried. Even though one might think I would resent her opinion of me, it was actually quite freeing, because she loved me anyways. She accepted and loved me for who I was and never tried to change me. She didn't fear that I would slip, because she didn't value human life and didn't really care if I did. When I was struggling she would remind me why I was here – my love for Alice. It is nice having someone I could talk to freely and know that what they said was what they felt."

When Jasper spoke it reminded me when I first saw him at the waterfront. He seemed so much more like vampire and so much less like a man. I knew he loved me, but how can someone go from not caring about any human life to loving a human? The way he cavalierly spoke about wanting to kill me was not lost on me.

"Bella..." His look had changed from the emotionless stone to the man I loved again. His brow was creased with worry. "...I can't feel your emotions anymore. Please tell me you're alright. I'm sorry if I scared you. I love you."

"I'm sorry. I'm not sure how I'm doing it, but I don't mean to close myself off to you. I'm not afraid. I'm just perplexed. You said that you didn't care about human life when you were with the Cullens, that you wanted to kill me, that you didn't understand how Edward could love me. Yet, here you are promising me your eternal love. How can one change at the drop of a hat?"

"When you sacrificed yourself for our family by meeting James, I began to understand Edward's feelings. When I felt your pain in the woods after Edward told you what he did, I realised that the depth of your emotions were more powerful than any other human I have ever encountered. That night when I saw you by the waterfront, before I knew it was you, your sorrow was the most profound sense of loss that I have felt from anyone besides myself ever. I almost didn't believe you were human. Your heart is what changed me. It changed my outlook on humanity, it also changed my entire being. You have done the impossible. You've made me remember what it felt like to be truly alive."

"And what about Rose? You said she doesn't like humans. She made it perfectly clear that she didn't like me. How is she going to feel about us?"

"As I told you before, I would never lie to you. I'm sure once Rose finds out you're alive and that we are together, she will be pissed. But, if I can change, so can she. You will just have to give her some time."

He started to massage my shoulders and I revelled in his touch. My eyes closed as the tension in my muscles began to loosen, and my voice was just a whisper. "Jasper, there are times when I look at you and I don't see a human. I'm not afraid of you, but I'm afraid for you."

"Love, I wish I could tell you that I would change, but truthfully, the feelings that you stir inside me are completely new. I don't know if I'll ever fully be the man you deserve, but you make me want to try."

"I know that you have a dark side, and I would be lying if I didn't say that I wasn't intrigued by it. I just want you to be happy. I don't want you to live an existence full of regret or pain."

"Our lives are so long that it's impossible to have no regret. After all, how else will we learn? With you beside me, it will make those regrets seem worth it."

I stood up from my vanity and turned around to face him. I kissed him with all the love I had in me then wrapped my arms around him. He stood there in my room just holding each other. I knew I wasn't blocking my feelings anymore because he was projecting his love back to me. It was important to me that he knew nothing he could do or say would change my love for him. Eventually we moved downstairs and things became light again. Jasper chopped some wood for the fireplace and I prepared a nice lunch for Jake. We then played cards and read quietly together waiting for Jake's arrival.

At noon I heard a knock at the door. Normally Jake would just saunter in, but I guess he could sense Jasper's presence. I opened the door and gave Jake a hug.

"Thanks for coming."

He held me tight like he was afraid if he let go I might disappear. "I'd do almost anything for you. You know that right?"

I just nodded and led Jake inside. Jasper stood up and put his hand out to shake Jake's, but his gesture was not reciprocated.

"Hi Jake. I'm Jasper."

"Yeah, so I've heard."

The three of us were standing in the living room surrounded by awkward silence. I had to break the tension. "Jake, I made us lasagne for lunch. Your favourite. Why don't we all just head to the kitchen."

"Sure. I'm starved."

The three of us sat around the kitchen table and I made small talk with Jake as we ate. Jasper remained completely silent. He seemed more unsure around Jake than he did with Charlie. When we were finished lunch, Jasper finally spoke up.

"Bella, I think you need to head to the grocery store to pick up stuff for dinner. Jake and I can stay here to clean up." _Wow that was real subtle Jasper._

"Um...sure. Jake, you're okay with me gone?"

"I'll be fine. I can hold my own."

I left for the store with bated breath. I really hoped I wasn't going to come home to a blood bath.

**JPOV**

Sitting at the table with Bella and Jacob was not as easy as I anticipated. First, I underestimated the closeness of their relationship. The love that they felt for one another was quite evident. It wasn't that they loved each other; it was the way they knew each other on such an intimate level. Bella knew Jake's favourite meal. He cut off the end side of his piece because he knew that was her favourite part of the dish. When he got sauce on his shirt, she didn't hesitate to put her saliva on a napkin and begin cleaning it off. They looked like old lovers destined to be married and one day grow old together. I knew Jake had imprinted on another woman. I knew that Bella loved me, but I couldn't help but feel envious of this dog sitting across the table from her because he had more time with her on this earth than I did. I could also feel Jake's emotions towards me. It was pure hate. I must admit he did a good job of masking it in front of Bella. He obviously was more in control of his werewolf tendencies than I expected. However, knowing he would like nothing more than to rip my head off I thought it best that Bella not be here to witness our encounter, so I suggested she take a trip to the store. Once she was gone I figured Jake could at least let out some of the emotions he was bottling up inside.

Once she was gone, he turned to me with a look of disgust on his face. _Guess he can drop the act now. _"You have something to say leech?"

"Jake, I understand why you hate me, but killing me will only hurt Bella, and I have to warn you, I'm not as tame as the other members of my family."

"Yeah, you made that perfectly clear when you attacked her three years ago. I'm sure I could take you though."

"Let's not test that theory. I wouldn't want Bella to come home to a war zone. Look, I'm not asking for you to like me. I'm just asking you to accept Bella's decision."

"You're planning on killing her. You plan on breaking the treaty. Charlie will be devastated and I will never see her again. How can I accept that?"

"Because her life is her decision and she has made her choice."

"Has she really? Or have you got her under one of your vampire voodoo spells? Maybe once you're out of the picture, I'll get my Bells back."

"Was she really fully here? When I met her, I could feel her pain and sorrow. I could feel her emptiness. She loves you and she loves Charlie, but she wasn't happy or whole." I could see a flicker of recognition on his face. He knew what I was saying was right. "Maybe we don't have to make her life this hard."

"How?"

"I understand the terms of our treaty, but given the unique situation, maybe you could convince Sam to let us come back? When the treaty was first made Emmett, Alice, and I weren't in the picture yet. But, because we became part of their family the treaty applied to us as well. If I take Bella away and get her to the point where she can control her thirst, maybe we could come back. She loves you. She loves your imprint Vanessa. I don't want to take everything away from her."

"If you kept her alive then you wouldn't be taking anything away from her."

"One, you know that she'll be aging, and I won't. She won't accept that. Two, I would be taking away her other family. Carlisle and Esme love her like a daughter. They can't see her while she's human because of our situation. Three, I would be taking away her right to choose her own path. She wants to be immortal. I promised her I would respect her decision. I can't go back on that."

He was silent as he contemplated my arguments. His hate was still there but there was a chip in his resolve. The idea that he didn't have to lose Bella completely was compelling.

"I'll take your proposal to Sam, but under one condition." I just nodded. "Wait till after Vanessa and I get married. I know she will want Bella there and so do I."

"Time is not really on my side. When do you think you'll get married?"

"Within the year."

"I'll discuss it with my family and see if they can hold out. I don't want to put them in any more danger than I have to."

Jake nodded. "I plan on popping the question on Christmas Eve. I should be able to give you more definitive answers after that."

"I appreciate that Jake."

"Well, I'm not doing it for you. And just so you know, if you do ever hurt her there will be a pyre with your name on it." _Two death threats in one day. Looks like I'm winning them over. _

Once Jake left, I made a call to Carlisle. He answered at the first ring. "Hello my friend. It's good to hear your voice after all these years." Clearly he was not alone.

"Yes, I thought I would drop a line to say hello. My mate and I thought we might do a little traveling in the next year or so. I thought I would check to see if you would still be in the area in the next 18 months or so. We could probably make it earlier if you plan on moving, but I think my mate had some errands she needed to tie up, so I thought I would call you before making our travel plans."

"Of course it would be nice to see you as soon as possible, but we are currently entertaining some guests from out of town. I think we should be ready to have you come and stay with us in 18 months."

"Good to hear. I've always valued your friendship. I'm sure there are many others who have benefited from and appreciate your generosity." _That was said for their benefit, I'm sure they heard the message loud and clear._

"Yes, well we try our best to make others of our kind feel like they have a place where they are welcomed."

"I'll see you soon. If you need anything you have my number." I hung up and feeling helpless. Clearly the Volturi were breathing down their necks. I really wanted to be there with them, but I needed to make sure I was giving Bella a chance at living too. I knew she loved Jake and Vanessa, and giving her an opportunity to see them married and happy would mean a lot. I also thought that once Jake got married to the love of his life, it would make him more amiable to her changing in order to be with the love of her life. Hopefully this Vanessa person will not be into long engagements, because I don't think I have that kind of time. I debated whether or not to tell Bella when she came home, but I figured it would be best to wait till I was sure the timeline would work out. I didn't want to get her hopes up just to let her down.

_Christmas Eve_

**BPOV**

The past few days have been great. While Charlie's at work, I spend most mornings in the kitchen preparing meals for the freezer for him, and then every afternoon I've been to La Push to see Jake and Vanessa. I spent my evenings with Charlie and Jasper just hanging out and talking. Jasper was very supportive. He never pressured me about being out with my friends and family. He just wanted to make sure I spent as much time with them as possible. I tried to find out from Jake what he and Jasper talked about the other day, but when he found out Jasper didn't tell me, he became completely tight lipped. Jasper would just say that he and Jake had a man to man chat and that was it. It was completely frustrating because I felt like both of them were keeping something from me. Jasper said he would always be honest with me, but wasn't budging on this one.

"Jasper, I can tell you're keeping something from me."

"Then you're very astute."

"What happened to always telling me the truth and not making decisions for me."

"I haven't lied to you and I don't plan on making decisions for you."

"Then why won't you tell me what you and Jake talked about."

"Because I'm not ready yet. I will, I just I want to do it when the time is right."

"When will that be?"

"Soon. Very Soon. I promise."

Christmas Eve was quiet and uneventful. I made steaks for dinner. Normally Jasper would claim he ate already, but it was difficult to get out of a holiday meal. I made sure his steak was blue, but I could tell he had to really choke it back. He excused himself after the meal and I immediately knew he was going to hack everything up in the woods. When Charlie wasn't looking I found it difficult to stave off my laughter. I think Charlie was starting to think Jasper had an eating disorder. _If only he knew. _Sometime after dinner the phone rang and I ran to pick it up. It was Vanessa and she sounded ecstatic. Jake finally proposed and was more than ready to start the next phase of their life together.

"Bella, you're going to be my maid of honour right?"

"I wish I could say yes, but I'm not sure a blood thirsty vampire at a wedding full of werewolves is such a good idea." I tried to make it light, but my voice just sounded flat.

"So, you're really going through with it then?"

"I have to. I love Jasper, I love Carlisle and Esme. If I could afford to wait I would, but if something happens to Carlisle and Esme, I don't think I could handle it.

"It won't be the same without you, you know. Jake and I consider you family. We consider Charlie family. He's going to be in mourning." Her voice was cracked as she began to cry. It tore at my heart and I began crying too. I just wished there was a way I could be there for Carlisle and Esme and be there for Jake and Vanessa.

"Look, this is your happy moment. I don't want to ruin it. I love you and even if I can't be there with you in body, I will be there with you in spirit."

"I love you too. I understand where you're coming from. I would do anything for Jake. Just promise me you'll see us before you do it. I don't want you to go before I can tell you goodbye."

"I will. Go be with your family to celebrate. I'll see you tomorrow for Christmas dinner so I can ooh and awe over your ring."

As soon as I hung up I felt Jasper's arms around me. He buried his face in my hair. "Are you okay."

"No, but I will be." I wiped my tears, plastered a fake on my face and ignored Jasper's look of concern. I knew he couldn't feel me again, but I couldn't worry about that. I had to put on a brave front if I wanted to get through this. I let go of him and happily told Charlie the news, pretending I was so happy and couldn't wait to go dress shopping with Vanessa. Charlie was none the wiser to the fact that I really wanted to die inside. I told him he should call Billy to congratulate him and told him I was going to hit the sack.

Jasper followed me to my room and held me as I then let myself breakdown and cry. He was my rock. He didn't say anything, knowing there was nothing he could do, but him holding me was comfort enough.

**JPOV**

Hearing Bella's conversation with Vanessa on the phone broke my dead heart. She was missing out on something monumental in her life because of my family. I knew now the struggle that Edward had to face. The difference was I wasn't willing to sacrifice my own happiness. Watching her go into "cope mode" was disconcerting. The moment she wiped her tears, everything she was feeling went completely blank. Her ability to bury her feeling was uncanny. By looking her you couldn't fathom that she was really breaking inside. I knew this skill came from years of practice. When I followed her to her room and held her in my arms I was grateful to feel the pain flood through her. She needed to deal with her emotions if she wanted to get through them. I tried to absorb as much of it as I could, but didn't try to manipulate what she was feeling. There are times when we all just need to feel the pain. When she finally drifted off to sleep I went back downstairs and read a book while I waited for Charlie to go to bed, then dialled Jake's number. He agreed to meet me at the boundary line.

"I hear congratulations are in order."

"Thanks, I think.

"I don't mean to take you away from your family and celebration, but I was desperate. Bella's a wreck. I know that this is all very sudden, but I thought I would check to see if you had any answers regarding our previous discussion."

"Vanessa's pretty upset too. She loves Bella like a sister. After they talked on the phone she started wailing. I told her about our talk and she doesn't care about when we get married as long as Bella's there. How does February 14th sound? I'm still waiting on Sam to make a decision, but this will at least allow Bella to be at the wedding."

Jake was feeling too happy to hate me. He obviously loved this girl and I'm sure the sooner they got married the better for him. Even though I knew he wished me eternally dead, I couldn't help but like the guy. He was loyal to a fault and protected those that he loved. _Isn't that typical of most mutts? _"Thanks man. I really appreciate you both for making such a concession on the most important day of your life. I just can't stand seeing Bella sad or suffering."

"Yeah well, I'd do almost anything for that girl. I know you're putting your own family in jeopardy by waiting to change her, so I know you would do anything for her too. I might not like you, but I respect you."

This time he extended his hand to shake mine. I felt like it was a new era.

I couldn't wait to get home to Bella. Even though Charlie had laid down the law, I had to at least be next to her. She was sleeping soundly when I wrapped the blanket around her body and then laid on top of the covers holding her to me tightly. I figured at least if Charlie came in he would see that I was fully clothed and she was safe under the covers. At around six a.m. I heard Charlie walk by her door and look in. Instead of feeling angry or annoyed he actually felt happy. _I guess I was rubbing off on the old guy after all. _When Bella began to stir, I couldn't read her again. She must have been still numb from last night.

"Merry Christmas beautiful."

She didn't talk. She just buried her head in my chest and held on to me. "I have a gift for you before we go down to see Charlie."

"I don't want anything. I just want you."

"You already have me. Will you let me give you my gift?" She nodded into my chest. "My gift is some news." Her curiosity spiked. "How would you like to attend Jake and Vanessa's wedding?" She didn't speak but abruptly sat up. I couldn't contain my excitement because I knew she was going to hit the roof. "I have it on good authority that they will be moving up their wedding date, February 14th to be exact, and I have already talked to Carlisle about extending our arrival date." She was cautiously happy and somewhat suspicious. I'm sure she was wondering if there was a chance that I wasn't going to change her after all. "Don't worry Love, we will still have eternity together, Carlisle and Esme can hold out for a bit longer. I just couldn't have you miss the biggest day of your two best friends' lives. You would regret it for eternity and that's just too long to hold on to the guilt."

"Oh my god! Really?" The news was finally sinking in. I just nodded and smiled. She was feeling relief and euphoria. "Jasper, you're an angel. I didn't think it was possible for me to love you more, but I do."

She held hugged me and then fell out of bed as she ran out of the room. "Wait, where are you going?"

"If Vanessa is moving up the wedding date, there will be tons to do in a short span of time. We have to start planning." Then she was like a bat out hell as she ran to the phone.

Her excitement and happiness was infectious as she and Charlie opened their presents around the tree. I gave Bella an amber coloured crystal heart pendent. The meaning was not lost on her, and she teared as she gave me a hug. Charlie loved the collection of fishing lures I got him. It was nice to feel their happiness and gratitude. Seeing them together made me feel warm inside. I didn't want to take away Bella from Charlie, but I couldn't be without her either. I wondered if there was a way to have my cake and eat it too.

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A/N: If you're still hanging on after this I thank you. We've gotten over the hump. It will get better. Next post won't be for a few days and it will be an A/E chapter.


	17. Chapter 17 Broken to Pieces

Feb 28, 2011

A/N: Here's another glimpse into Alice's and Edward's world. After writing it, I think there must be a side of me that's truly depraved and demented.

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**APOV**

The torture never ceases. I don't know how long it's been since I've fed. The acid of hunger is tearing away at my muscles and eroding my bones. The pain is so substantial I can no longer speak. I didn't know it was possible to be tired, but I feel completely drained. Even hanging on these chains seems like too much effort. At some point my joints are going to break against the strain of my dead weight. Jane no longer bothers with her skill. The pain from my thirst overrides any other feeling. Most of the time, I'm not conscious or coherent enough to see any visions or be aware of my surroundings. When I do have a lucid moment I try to catch a vision of my family. I saw Carlisle's call to Jasper. Everyone thinks we're dead. I don't know where Jasper is, but each vision is of him draining some poor unsuspecting girl. Rose and Emmett are off somewhere in South America. They look very sad. The visions I have of Edward and I are too horrible to recount. They range from various tortures, death, red eyes and cloaked hoods. Whatever is in store, it's clear that fate has not yet made up its mind. If Edward can see into my mind during these rare moments he sobs uncontrollably. My visions are hurting him more than me. My gift will drive us both into madness.

Still, I would much rather have my thirst eating me alive or my visions breaking my heart than deal with Alec and Demetri. I don't know how much time passes in between their visits, but each one is memorable. When I'm drifting in and out of consciousness, out of nowhere Alec appears. Suddenly I am no longer chained to wall. That's when I notice there's an open door on the other side of the room, and at the far end of that room is Edward. He sees me, but his eyes are glazed over with pain and fatigue. Just when I think I can't make the crawl over to him, all the pain eating away at me subsides and I feel nothing. Alec is smiling down at me, but not making any moves to subdue me. I try to make it towards Edward, but that's when Demetri comes out to play. Sometimes he knocks me around before he rapes me. Sometimes he violates me from the start. Each time he makes sure Edward is watching. That's when screams starting escaping my throat. I can see the flash of fury in Edward's eyes. Sometimes he lunges toward me, but his chains yank him back. Demetri always holds my head up so that Edward can see my face. It lasts for hours. When I can't scream anymore and I try to retreat in the recesses of my brain, Alec pulls his power back so I can feel everything again. Then I'm snapped back into reality where Demetri is inside of me pounding into me over and over. He bites into my flesh taking chunks out of my body and spitting them out on the floor. When he gets carried away he sometimes rips off an arm or a leg. Jane is usually in the room sitting quietly on a chair in a corner. She looks almost bored. Before Demetri's lust for violence drives him to rip my head off, she usually steps in and stops him from killing me completely. That would just be way too merciful. She makes sure my limbs are fused back before I'm chained again to the wall and then once I'm secure, and Demetri has left, Alec escorts her out of my cell and into to Edward's. In the moments following, Alec makes sure I can't see, hear, or feel anything. I have no idea what is happening on the other side of that door.

After it happened a few times I tried to ask Edward in my mind what they did when they were in there. When I asked he would just remain silent. I was angry. He was witness to the depravity I endured over and over, yet I had no idea what was going on in his cell. During a moment of clarity while Demetri was wreaking his havoc on me, I had a vision of what was to come of Edward. Apparently Alec preferred the company of men, while his sister watched. His sexual proclivities involved performing depraved and deviant sex acts on my brother while he remained completely motionless and void of any senses. Edward could see what was being done to him, but not feel or be able to move. All the while, Jane watched. When they were done, she would dress her brother and they would leave hand in hand. I was almost oblivious to what was happening to me as I looked at my brother with understanding and recognition. He was so ashamed. Edward has never felt the pleasure of flesh. Now his only reference point was the torture that Alec bestowed upon him. He looked like a man defeated, just as I looked like a woman in pieces. In my head I told him our only hope was death. He nodded in agreement.


	18. Chapter 18 Gratuitous Lemon

March 1, 2011

A/N: Okay folks, the last few chapters have not been very fun, so I think it's about time we had a little lemonade.

_

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_

January 1st

**JPOV**

Bella and I extended our trip a day so we could ring in the New Year with Charlie. While I was sad for Bella that we were leaving her family, I was glad to come home. The guilt over taking her life was eating at me. Every time Charlie patted me on the back or referred to Bella as his baby girl I wanted to hurl. At least at home we could pretend the world outside the two of us didn't exist. We drove home in our respective cars, and my G-wagon being way faster than her shit-box allowed me to get home at least an hour before her. Enough time to set up a romantic evening to end the first day of the New Year together. I set up candles all over the apartment, drew her bubble bath and warmed the massage oil. _Yeah, we'll see if you get that far. I bet you grab her when she walks through the door and fuck her over the dining table. – SHUT UP!_ Trying to calm my dick down was not going to be easy, although picturing Emmett in a banana hammock helped. I waited by her parking spot for her to come in. When she pulled up, with vampire speed I grabbed her luggage and opened her door.

"I think you burned a new whole in the ozone layer trying to beat me here."

"It's well worth it, to be able to be able to welcome you home. Now go inside and enjoy your bubble bath."

Her lust was at an all time high. "Are you going to join me?"

I leaned down and gave her a slow kiss. "Not yet. I want you to have some time to relax. We have a very busy night ahead."

I waited in the bedroom for her to come out of the bath. When she did, she did not disappoint. Her hair and shoulders were still wet and she had a little towel that sat just above her breasts and just below her paradise. I had to swallow hard when she casually dropped the towel and stood before me completely naked. I'm sure she saw my cock standing at attention through the black silk robe I was wearing. I licked my lips as I remembered what she tasted like. It had been too long, and I needed to be inside of her, but wanted to make sure her night was special. I was sitting at the edge of the bed and she walked right in between my legs. Her breasts were at my eye level and I wanted to devour them. She leaned into me and kissed my forehead. I couldn't help myself. My tongue darted out brushed against her nipple. It was better than I remembered. I loved the way her body responded to my touch. Her nipples hardened on contact. I could hear her the pace of her heart increase and a small whimper escaped her lips as her breathing became more laboured. I repeated the action on her other breast and squeezed her beautiful round ass. _You are never going to last._ I had to minimize my contact, because my dick was so hard I thought it was going fall off. I led her to the bed, so she could lay on her stomach. She groaned when she felt the warm liquid hit her back. I doused my hands in the warm oil so she wouldn't be shocked at my cold hands. I kneaded the knots away from her neck and her back. My hands moved slowly lower and lower and her anticipation of where they were heading was increasing her desire. I stopped short of where she wanted my hands to be and moved to feet. I then began to massage her calves, moved my way up her thighs and finally reached her centre. My fingers dipped inside of her. It was liking dipping into a pool of warm chocolate syrup. She was writhing under my touch, until she was bent on all fours and her whimpers grew louder as she begged for more. I obliged by bending down so my tongue could flick over her clit and savoured the moan that escaped her mouth. Her back arched and she threw her head back when I entered her with my tongue. She cried out my name and ground further into my mouth. As my tongue worked in and out of her, my finger moved over her clit rubbing and pinching to bring her closer to bliss. I relished her deliciously sweet essence as I could feel her desire rise. Just before she peaked I pulled my tongue out and entered her with my cock. She was so wet, it slid in place like a key opening a door. My cock was painfully hard and I had to still myself within her to keep me from coming on contact. Once I was sure I had my dick under control I wasted no time and started a slow deep rhythm from behind. She was gripping tightly on to the bed sheets and slightly raised her ass so I could access deep within her. I'm sure the noises I was making were nowhere close to human because all I could think about was filling her tight wet pussy with my seed. Needing to come I ground my groin into her as deep as she could handle. I felt her walls tightened around me, milking my cock of every drop it had and both of our bodies shuddered at the force of our orgasms. I let out roar as my eyes rolled in the back of my head and Bella screamed out in ecstasy.

Even though I had come hard, I wasn't nearly over. I pulled out of her so I could flip her on her back. She looked up at me with lust clouded eyes as I kneeled over her. I hadn't bothered removing my robe during our earlier session. I slowly undid it so she could see my dick still standing erect begging to feel the inside of her. Before she had time to blink I pulled her up towards me and impaled her on my cock. She gasped in shock and her legs wrapped tightly around my waist as I began to thrust into her. I took my time with each thrust so I could savour the pleasure that emanated throughout her body. I had one hand tightly squeezing her ass so her centre was pressed against my groin and another hand massaging her breasts. Our foreheads and noses where touching, but our mouths fremained a half inch apart has we moaned against one another. I wanted to prolong her pleasure further by diving into her all night, but all I saw were stars when she reached down and gently squeezed my balls.

"Fuck...Bella...Oh Fuck!" She hands were driving me to the brink of insanity. I threw her down and started moving at a frantic pace while my mouth sucked hard on her breasts.

She was just screaming "Yes, Jasper, yes! Fucking god...oh yes!" as I buried myself deep inside of her.

I didn't just come once. I felt my dick twitch as my came in waves. With each wave of pleasure I tried to get myself deeper insider of her. I wanted to make sure each time I came so did she. She was clawing at my back as each orgasm it her. I felt her pulsating around me and even after I finished the aftershocks of her orgasm continued to squeeze my dick. Feeling my cool seed against her warm cum was heaven. I didn't want to leave. I just rolled on to my side and pulled her against me while my dick lay inside her warm blanket. She nodded off to sleep as I gently stroked her hair.

I gazed over her naked form which lay beneath mine. Her skin was almost as pale as mine. I could see blue veins beneath the creamy surface. She never hid the scars on her wrists or arms from me. I wasn't there during that dark period of her past. I was going through my own. To see her now, one couldn't fathom how broken she really was – emotionally at least. Physically was another story. Her breasts, hips and thighs were mottled with blue and grey spots from the bruises my hands left. Evidence of the monster I truly am. When I was with her, my blood lust was in control, but my need to consume was all encompassing. It's difficult to remember just how fragile she is as she's screaming out my name in the throes of passion. I looked forward to the day when she would become my equal. Her scars and bruises would vanish and I could take her body fully, without any level of restraint. I started fantasizing about all the things I would do to her body when she was changed. She said she was intrigued by the Major. I hoped she would be ready for all the things the Major had in store for her. I wanted to make her mine over and over again. As I was lost in my thoughts, my angel began to stir.

"Jasper?"

"I'm right here love."

"I can tell. I know what you're feeling and now I'm too turned on to sleep."

As she turned to face me she winced in pain. "You're bruised pretty badly my love. I think we should call it a night."

She felt disappointed and relieved at the same time. Clearly she was in a significant amount of pain. I could still feel her desire, even though she was clearly in no shape to resume our activities.

She looked at me with a devilish grin on her face. "Just because we can't have sex doesn't mean you can't be satisfied."

_Huh? _"What do you have in mind?"

Instead of talking she put her hand over mine and led it down to my raging hard on. "Do you pleasure yourself Jasper?" she whispered seductively.

I must admit I was taken aback and nervous. All I could manager was a whisper. "yes."

"Touch yourself for me?"

She wrapped my hand around my penis and guided it up and down along my shaft. "Bella, I've never done this in front of anyone before." My voice cracked. I sounded like a nervous teenager.

She moaned as she said, "it will give me something to picture when I'm alone." _Oh god. She will be picturing me jerking off as she masturbates. This girl is so fucking hot she's going to smoke me when she's changed. _She shifted so I was fully laid out on my back, then released her hand that was covering mine on my cock so I was now stroking myself without her assistance. I moved slow and hesitantly. If I was human I'm sure I would have been blushing. I closed my eyes because I was too embarrassed to look at her. She started stroking my hair to make me feel more relaxed. Her breath was hot in my ear sending shocks of pleasure throughout my body. "Tell me Jasper, when you're pleasuring yourself, do you picture my mouth or my pussy?" _Oh god,_ that made my hand grip my cock tighter. I don't know why, but my voice was hoarse. "Your mouth."

"mmm...would you like me to tell you what I'm picturing?"

"Oh god, yes."

"You're standing against the wall, in front of a full length mirror. I'm on my knees in front of you, ready to worship you. I take my tongue and lightly run it up the length of your cock." As she said the last bit her tongue darted into my ear.

"Oh fuck, Bella."

"My tongue slowly circles your head tasting the moistness that is gathering at the tip. Mmm...I could just taste it now. You taste so good. You smell so good Jasper. With my hand on your base, I take the rest of you inside me. You're watching through the mirror. You can see your dick sliding between my lips, slowly, back and forth. Can you feel my mouth Jasper? Can you feel how hot and wet it is as I take you inside me?" I couldn't talk at his point. I'm just grunting as my hand is working furiously on my dick. She continued, "You feel so good in my mouth. I can feel your dick twitching inside me, wanting to release inside of me. Your hand moves to my hair and you're fisting it as you move my head up and down to your pace. Oh god, you need more. You need it faster, deeper. I can feel you all the way in the back of my throat." Her voice is getting more urgent, and my dick is responding in kind. She fists at my hair and I was imagining it's me, pulling her hair as I moved her head up and down on my dick. "You're looking at me through the mirror as I'm moaning with you in my mouth. I want you to come inside of me. I want to swallow every last drop of you."

"Oh fuck, I'm gonna cum." _I don't need air, why is my voice so strained?_

That's when she said in my ear. "I want you to cum all over me Jasper. I want to bathe in it." _Fuck yes! _I got up from my position and straddled her stomach as I came. My seed spurted all over her breasts and she just arched her back and began to rub it all over her. Her eyes were closed and she was moaning as she coated every inch of her skin with my seed. The sight was breathtaking.

I climbed off of her and buried my head in her hair.

"God that was the most sensuous sexual experience I've ever had. I've never done anything like that ever. I'm going to replay that moment over and over."

She smiled like the cat that ate the canary. "I'm glad you liked it. Now when you come home and smell my arousal, you'll know exactly what I was thinking about and who I was thinking about to get me there. Only you can turn me on like that Jasper."

I kissed her long and slow, then went to warm the shower so we could clean each other off. She was still sore, so I carried her in and gently washed every inch of her body. Once she was clean I towelled her off and put her in a thick terry cloth robe. Once she was sufficiently dry and wrapped, I carried her to the couch and made her a cup of tea so she could relax while I changed the sheets. They were covered in our juices and I couldn't help but bring them to my nose to take in the scent. The smell of our bodies mingled together was like ambrosia. It was such an intimate experience, probably the most intimate experience I've ever had. I don't know what I did to end up with such luck, but I was just going to count my blessing while I spent the rest of the night with my love in my arms.

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A/N: In case you're wondering about the Major. That's for an outtake that I'm planning later on. You'll have to stay tuned to find out.


	19. Chapter 19 Taking the Plunge

Mar 3, 2011

A/N: I thought I would take a quick moment to thank those of you who have been following my story and writing reviews. Posting a story for others to read can be a bit daunting. Reading your reviews has made me feel a lot less vulnerable and has given me some satisfaction in knowing that I didn't completely waste my time.

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_February 14th_

**BPOV**

Love is a beautiful thing. Standing at the altar, I watched the most beautiful girl in the world slowly make her way down the aisle. She was radiant in her white lace gown and flowers in her hair. She had the biggest smile on her face and as she took in the sight of her groom her eyes glistened with unfallen tears like jewels. Jake grinned ear to ear. Embry stood as his best man and Billy acted as the officiant for the service. The tiny church was packed with everyone from La Push, myself and Charlie. I was so happy to see this day arrive. It was such a joy to have this time to help Vanessa plan her wedding and see my two friends joined together forever. It warmed my heart. They held hands as they declared their love for one another and the crowd cheered when Billy announced that Jake could now kiss the bride. The rest of the night we spent eating, drinking and dancing at the local bar. It wasn't fancy, but it was perfect. Everyone felt at home because they all essentially were, and thus able to cut loose. Even Charlie was caught up in the festivities. It made my heart leap to see Charlie, Jake, and Vanessa so happy.

Towards the end of the night Vanessa pulled me to the back office of the bar. Jake was already inside.

Vanessa hugged me tight as she spoke. "Before you leave, we had to tell you we love you."

"I love you both so much. I can't believe this day has come and I'm really saying goodbye."

Jake proceeded to put his gigantic arms around both of us. "This isn't goodbye Bells. We'll see you again someday."

"Oh Jake, I wish that were true. I wish I didn't have to choose between my family and Jasper. Just know that no matter what I will never forget you."

Jake pulled away from us and grinned. "Bells, you don't have to choose. You will always be welcome here."

_Where's he been for the past three months? _"Earth to Jake, I won't be human. Sam would never agree to let me come back and when I'm changed, Jasper will have broken the treaty."

"Yeah, well it's a good thing that I'm the rightful pack leader then ain't it?" They were both grinning.

"Pack leader? Jake, I thought you didn't want to be pack leader."

"I told you I would do almost anything for you didn't I? It was time I started acting like a man and lived up to my duties anyways. Especially if I'm going to be a father."

My heart skipped a beat and I turned my attention to Vanessa. "Did he say father? Are you pregnant?"

She was so happy, she couldn't contain her excitement. "I just found out a week ago. You are the first person we've told."

My excitement hit the roof. "Oh my god. I'm going to be an aunt. Oh my god, I don't have to give you guys up. Oh my god, I'm so happy I think I'm going to hit the roof."

"Bells, Vanessa made me realise that we don't get to choose who we fall in love with, and I might not love the leeches, but I can respect that Japer loves you and would never do anything to hurt you. You need someone looking out for you, and he's proven he's up to the task. We've discussed it with him, and once you feel up to it, we will come and visit you."

By then the three of us were crying, laughing and hugging one another. Knowing I had Jake's support meant so much to me.

Once the party was over I drove a drunken Charlie home. It was probably the most inebriated I had ever seen him, and it was kind of fun seeing him unwind for a change. I put him in his bed and kissed his cheek. This was probably the last time I would ever see him.

"Charlie, I'm going now."

He mumbled as he was on the verge of sleep, "You know Bells, a dad couldn't ask for a better kid. I love ya kid."

A tear escaped as I hugged him. "I love you too Dad."

"That Jasper fella ain't so bad either."

"I'll let him know Dad. You be careful."

"Always am."

More tears flowed as I realised that would be the last time we would have that exchange. He was tucked in safe and snoring. This would be hard on Charlie, but I knew he would be okay in the end.

Jasper was outside waiting for me. I toyed with the idea of staying the night, but I knew once the wedding was over looking at Charlie would be too difficult. I had said my goodbyes and now I had to move on to the next phase of my life. I sat in the passenger seat of my car and began to cry. Knowingly, he put his arms around me and waited for my tears to subside before he started the car and made our way home.

"Jake told me about your discussion."

"Did he?" A small smile played on his lips.

"He did. I'm so grateful to you. I know it must have been hard asking for his help. He and Vanessa mean so much to me. It will be hard enough as it is giving up Charlie. It's nice to know there will be something from this previous life that I can hang on to."

He kept his eyes on me, which was a little disconcerting considering he was still driving. "Bella, asking Jake to help with the treaty and accept you after your change wasn't hard. What's hard is knowing that it would break your heart to leave your friends and family behind when I could do something to stop it. Bella, I love you more than I thought was possible. I would do anything for you. Nothing else in this world matters to me other than your happiness."

My tears started all over again. Words couldn't express how happy I was and how much love I felt for him. I was so glad for his empath abilities because he could feel what I couldn't say. We drove in silence for a while and I contemplated what was coming next. Jasper was going to change me. I was going to spend the next three days in agonizing pain. He would somehow have to fake my death so Charlie wouldn't get suspicious. Even though I've had months to prepare, knowing that the day had arrived was a little overwhelming.

"Love, you're feeling scared, sad, and worried. Are you having second thoughts?"

"No, no. I'm not going to lie. The thought of the pain scares me. The thought of hurting Charlie is just so sad. I know he'll get past it eventually, but I wish there was a way that we didn't have to hurt him. Have you thought about how you're going to stage my death yet?"

"Well, I was kind of thinking of not staging your death."

"What do you mean?"

"It's risky, but what if we just didn't tell him anything?"

"But I won't be human. I'll be a blood thirsty vampire with red eyes. How are we going to hide that?"

"You've had a lot of time in Forks these past couple of months. We could simply say that you need to catch up with school, maybe say we're going backpacking in Europe for the summer. We could stall and give you time to get in control of your bloodlust."

"But even when that time comes, I'm going to look completely different. How would we explain that?"

"The other thing I talked to Jake about was cluing Charlie in to the fact that humans may not be the only type of beings that walk this earth. We haven't worked out the details yet, but I think we can find a way to keep Charlie somewhat in the loop, without alerting the Volturi that another human knows about our existence."

This was a lot to process. I was going to be changed and I didn't have to give up Charlie, Jake, or Vanessa. Charlie could still be potentially in danger if he knew too much. How would we protect him?

"I thought you would be happy?"

"I'm just worried. I don't want to put Charlie in any danger."

"I know you think Charlie would eventually be able to move on if he found out you died, but I can feel his love for you. You are his world. I can't take you away from him. If anyone took you away from me, I couldn't exist, so how could I do the same thing to Charlie? If I was in his place I would take my chances with Volturi rather than loose you."

"Can you pull the car over?"

Jasper pulled the car over. I could feel his worry and anxiety, which I'm sure no doubt he picked up from me. When he did, I flung my arms around him and buried my face in the crook of his neck.

"Thank you" I whispered.

He held me for another minute and then we drove the rest of the way in peaceful silence. The tiny car was filled with our love for one another.

When we got home I felt exhausted, yet too wired to sleep. "Jasper, were you going to change me now?"

"Darlin, if that's what you want I can, but I thought you might one last night to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a sunny day, maybe you would want last day to enjoy being out in the sun without having to hide or fear. We have eternity, it can wait a day."

It was already 3:00am in the morning. I was still in my bridesmaid dress which was a simple emerald green satin gown with spaghetti straps and an ivory lace shawl to cover the shoulders. The thought of getting one last day of rest and sunshine seemed like a nice idea. I nodded and Jasper led me to the bedroom where he gently disrobed me and pulled a nightgown over my head.

"This is the last time I'm going to get to hold you while you sleep."

"Do you wish I could stay human?"

"No. I love your warmth, the sound of your heartbeat, and the blush of your skin. More importantly, I love your soul, your mind, and your heart. There are so many things to look forward to. I won't feel any blood lust towards you. I won't have to worry about hurting you anymore. I won't have to hold back anymore. I can't wait to make love to you for the first time. I can't wait to show you what I'm capable of. I can't wait for you to see all that you are capable of."

"I love you so much right now. I don't think it's possible to love you more. You have given me so much. Your love, immortality, my father, Jake, Vanessa, their new baby. I have nothing to give you in return."

"Bella, you are all I will ever want and ever need. I can't even begin to describe how your love has changed me. But there are things I'm taking you away from, like you will never be able to have children. Do you think you could really live with that? I know you can feel my scars, but maybe when you actually see them, see the monster that I truly am, you won't want be with me. In my world I'm considered a hideous creature. Others see me and feel fear, and rightfully so. When you're turned you may decide that you can't be with someone like me after all."

"Jasper, motherhood is something that I never really gave much thought. I'm so young that it never crossed my mind. I was also too messed up to even consider being responsible for someone else. It's difficult to feel like I'm giving up something that I never considered in the first place. Does that mean I won't feel a pang of regret in the future, maybe, but I know for a fact that without you I don't want live. You mean too much for me to give up. As for your scars, Jasper you are so much more than your skin. I too love your soul, your mind, and your heart. Those things are still the same, scars or no scars. If I had decided to stay human, would you still love me when I'm old and decrepit? Would it matter?"

"Of course not. I would love you regardless."

"Well, my love is no different. Now, tonight I want to sleep in your arms, and tomorrow I will enjoy my last day on this earth as mortal."

I snuggled further into him and I could feel him send me waves of his love and lethargy to lull me to sleep. I welcomed it; because the sooner I slept the sooner I would have my last dreams of him."

**JPOV**

Holding her while she slept brought me a feeling of tranquility. Her emotions ran the gamut in such a short span of time. She felt love, happiness, sadness, fear, elation, worry, surprise. This list goes on and on. Now as she slept in my arms I just felt her peace. It was calming. I almost felt like sleeping myself if I could. I closed my eyes and dreamed of all the adventures her and I would have together. Once we dealt with the Volturi, I would make sure Bella lived eternity in a fairytale. She would be my princess and I her prince charming. Around 10:00am she began to stir. I smile crept up on her face as her eyes peered open. Instead of talking, we made love. It was slow and sweet. It was our goodbye to this life. I made sure I touched, kissed, and tasted every part of her body. I wanted to make sure there wasn`t a spot missed so I could remember every inch of her skin. She in turn kissed every scar along my body. Her tongue brushed strokes along every line, every gash, and every crevice. It was her way of telling me she didn`t care what I looked like. She loved me scars and all. When I entered her, I held her to me tight and whispered my love for her over and over. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she peaked with pleasure. Her love for me was so powerful it blinded me with its intensity. Afterwards we clung to each other like our lives depended on it. It was a moment that, even if I was human, I could never forget.

I wanted her to get the day started. Even if I couldn`t be there with her, I wanted her to enjoy being out in the sun. First I made her breakfast. Bacon, fried eggs, waffles, French toast, crepes with chocolate syrup, fresh fruit, coffee, tea, freshly squeezed orange juice. All of this food smelled atrocious to me, but I was going to make sure Bella missed out on nothing.

"Jasper, how can you expect me to eat all of this?"

"I don't. You can eat as much of it or as little of it as you want. It will be the last time you find this stuff appetising. You might as well take it all in now. When you're changed it's all gonna taste like dirt, so enjoy it while you can."

She sampled from all, and apparently I'm a decent cook. _There's a skill that will come in handy. _She told me she was going to just walk around the city for the day and enjoy some people watching. I let her go, already anticipating her arrival home. When alone, I took the opportunity to call Carlisle.

"Jasper, it's good to hear your voice again."

"I take it you have some breathing room?"

"It appears for the time being, yes. I must tell you that we've taken some measures to appease the Volturi."

"What kind of measures?"

"We have modified our diet."

"You're hunting humans?"

"Not exactly. I still have contacts. I managed to get in some donated blood. Esme and I have been taking it in between hunting animals. If the Volturi think we're hunting humans, they will be more inclined to leave us alone for awhile."

"And it's working?"

"Actually, yes. Felix and Demetri were quite pleased at the turn of events. I'm sure they sent a full report to Aro. We just wanted to make sure you and Bella had enough time before coming home."

"Carlisle, I know this must be difficult for you. We will get through this. I plan on changing her tonight. I will keep you up to date on our progress."

"Jasper, if things don't work out for us, just know that we love you both dearly. Take care of one another."

"It's too soon to be talking like that Carlisle. We'll get through this."

We hung up and I felt heaviness around my heart. I hoped I could get Bella trained and up to speed by the end of the year.

Bella came home by nightfall to a feast. I prepared steak, lobster, fried chicken, hamburgers, hot dogs, pizza, french fries, ice cream, chocolate cake, an assortment of cookies. Most of it I catered in. The restaurants that delivered must have thought we were having a party of fifty people.

"Jasper! Again! This is such a waste of food."

"I beg to differ. This is the most important meal of your life. It's not like you have to worry about your waistline. Just relax and enjoy."

She sat down sampled the abundance of food as we chatted about her day. The conversation was fun and light, and we even made use of the leftover food by having a food fight. Poor Bella, she was no match for man with vampire reflexes and military training. She was covered from head to toe with food. By the end we both smelled completely gross. It was nice to forget the burdens of the day for at least a little while. We washed up and cleaned the kitchen. Once everything was spotless I met Bella in her bedroom. She was sitting on her bed wearing a Yoga sweatshirt, tank top and zip up sweatshirt. I could feel her fear.

"Are okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just scared. I can't believe this moment is finally here."

"We won't be doing it here. I've actually already purchased a cabin for us in the Okanogan. It's very secluded. We will be spending the next year there, while you adjust."

"What about this apartment? I signed a lease?"

"We'll keep the lease. I don't want to make any sudden changes to your finances until you've acclimated and have a chance to decide on what you want to do. I want to keep our options open. Just because you're going to need time to adjust to your new life doesn't mean we can't make these decisions together when you're ready."

"Have I told you how much I love you?"

"I feel it every day my love."

"Well it seems you have everything in order. Let's not waste any time. We should head out now."

We drove to the cabin I purchased and I kept one hand on hers for the entire way. She was lost in thought as she stared out the window. I know she was still scared about the monumental change and the pain she was about to face, but I couldn't help but feel excited. I was making her mine forever. I would do my best to absorb her pain. This was going to be our beginning. When we got to the cabin I led her inside. She was too nervous to bother with a tour of the home. She just wanted to get it over with, which was fine by me.

She lay down on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. Her anxiety was at an all time high. I sent her some calming vibes and she smiled at me appreciatively.

"You don't have to go through with this you know."

"Yes, I do. Don't worry. You just need to do it quick. Like ripping off a band-aid."

"I love you Bella."

"I love you Jasper. Always."

I gave her one last kiss. It had to last. I tasted her lips, her tongue, every inch of her mouth. I let out all my love for her as I worshiped her with my mouth. Once my lips left hers I moved to her neck and sunk my teeth into her delicate skin. She gasped and her heartbeat started to beat furiously. She tasted divine. I couldn't help but relish the taste of the sweet warm liquid as it quenched the fire in my throat. My body was screaming at me to drain her, but my heart was crying out for her pain. I released my hold on her jugular, and licked the opening to seal my venom in her body. I could already feel the burn moving throughout her body. I couldn't help but leave one last mark on her creamy skin. As the change takes place the body would start to adapt and all of her old scars would disappear. The only scars that usually remain are those that are made by the vampire's creator. I pulled down her yoga pants to expose her femoral artery and let my teeth sear through her skin like a hot knife through butter. She arched her back in pain and again I sent her more calming vibes to help minimize it. The taste of her blood coupled with the intimate place on her body drove me to ecstasy. The thought that I would see that scar where I marked her every time we made love made my dick stand tall. I immediately felt the wetness making its way down my own thigh as I came in my pants. When she began to scream out in pain I let go and again sealed the wound by licking my tongue along area. I pulled off my pants wiping away the mess I made and crawled up to hold her. Tears were streaming down her face and she was whimpering from the pain.

"It's okay Bella. I know it hurts love. I'm going to try and take it away from you."

I held onto her tight to let her pain hit me with full force. The burn was hottest at my neck and near my groin where I had bit her. The force of it was so powerful I found myself sobbing in a fetal position. Then all of sudden it stopped. The pain was gone and Bella was silent. _Fuck, please don't tell me I killed her._

"Bella? Bella? Say something love. Please! Let me know you can hear me."

She was suddenly very still. I could hear her heart beating and see the rise and fall of her chest as she continued to breathe, but that was all. She made no sounds our any other movements. I felt nothing from her and even when I projected my love to her I got no response. It was like there was an invisible wall between us. Normally I would welcome the void, but this just plain scared me. I needed to feel her. I needed to know she was alright. I would have rather endured the burning pain all over again than to not feel her at all.


	20. Chapter 20 Prey For Me

Mar 4, 2011

A/N: This chapter still takes place in the past, prior to Jasper and Bella meeting up again.

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**APOV**

We've been here for one year. The only reason I can tell is Alec and Demetri are wearing the traditional red cloaks that mark this day as Saint Marcus Day. In honour of the anniversary of our arrival they have moved Edward to my cell and have left us both unchained. Maybe they hope I'll try to rip his head off for placing us in this horrible circumstance. We are both too weak from hunger to try and escape. Both of us look more dead than undead at this point. The pain of hunger has eaten away at me for so long, I no longer remember a time when this agony didn't exist. Once we're alone Edward crawls over to me and puts me in his embrace.

"I'm so sorry" he croaks.

All I can do is curl up into a ball and tearlessly sob into his shoulder. I can't get the words out so I speak to him with my mind. _I just wish it would end._

He tenderly brushes a strand of my hair and whispers in my ear, "No one is here. I can end your suffering Alice. That is, if you want me too." His voice cracks with emotion.

He's implying he will put me out of my misery and end my existence. Is that what I want? I'm tempted. I look for a vision that will tell me if it's a better way. Instead I see Demetri's face marred with rage. In spite of his fury, he doesn't kill Edward. He leashes out new tortures. Edward can see what's going on in my head and swallows hard.

"Alice, it's okay. I deserve everything that comes to me after what I've put you through. I just don't want you to suffer anymore"

I look in my head to see what other possible outcomes there are. All I get are fuzzy images. In those images I see a wedding. I'm walking down an isle with Jasper and he's smiling down on me. For some reason, I can't see everything. I'm not even sure if it's a real vision or just blind hope. It's enough to make me wipe away thoughts of death. Maybe there's a chance we can get back the life we cherished. Edward in acknowledgement hugs me close to him and kisses my head. We stay that way for hours waiting for the next round of pain to begin.

Eventually our door opens and this time Demetri is accompanied by Felix. Edward releases a low growl at him. Whatever Felix's thoughts are, I get the feeling it's not something out of a Disney movie.

Felix, totally ignoring Edward's hostile display, walks towards us like he's greeting two friends at a cafe.

"Ah Alice! Edward! How are you enjoying your visit with us? I understand it's the anniversary of your arrival to our humble home. Anniversaries are to be celebrated, no? "

We look at him like he has three heads, but it doesn't break his stride. "Oh come on now. I've even brought you both lovely gifts to mark the occasion."

Whatever this so called gift is, Edward has a look of horror on his face. In fact, it's probably the most frightened I've seen him since our arrival, and based on his many tortures, I'm thinking this can't be good. Suddenly, Demetri grabs me roughly and pulls me away from Edward back to the wall to be shackled. He squeezes my breasts and licks the side of my face, then says directly in my ear, "Don't worry my love. You get to watch first, and then it's your turn." When I look at Edward he is cowering in the corner trying to bury his head in his knees. Seeing Edward so scared and vulnerable is making me panic. Demetri and Felix smile at each other and go to leave the room, but just before the door slams shut a woman is thrown in with us. She is most definitely not a vampire. She still has a red ribbon in her hair from the festival. They must have picked her from the crowd of revellers. Just like Bella, she has pale skin and brown hair. She has the same height and stature as my brother's former love. In fact, there is quite a resemblance, but that is not what has my brother in such distress. The most important aspect of this young human, this Bella-look-alike, is that she has a knife wound just above her collar bone. The smell of her delicious blood begins to permeate the room. I realise why Edward looks so horrified. He read Felix's mind. He knew he would not be able to resist. I watched as my brother leaped from his corner and began to suck the life out of the poor girl. I also watched as he violated her body in the many ways that Demetri has violated mine. Only, because she was human, I could hear her bones cracking and breaking under his force. I could her heart beating faster as her pain registered. He had attacked her throat so viciously her vocal cords were completely ripped out, so no screams could be heard. Blood poured down her chest, and when he couldn't suck any more, he licked all spillage from her breasts and stomach. Seeing and smelling all that blood was making me ache. Even though I knew it killed him to drain her, my instincts were screaming at me to break these unbreakable chains and join him. My mind irrationally cried out in anger that he didn't leave me any. I needed it so badly; I thought my bones were going to combust. Then, moments after, Felix and Demetri came back, grabbed Edward who was now convulsing with tearless cries and chained him back beside me. This time Felix came to unchain me. He kissed me on the mouth and said, "I really hope you like your gift. Happy Anniversary." Then, like before, a body was thrown into the cell just before the door shut, and my instincts gave way as I attacked the beautiful man with blond curly hair.


	21. Chapter 21 Transitions

Mar 5, 2011

A/N: I am posting this chapter today and my next chapter tomorrow because I love them both and I want to end the weekend on a REALLY great lemon. After that it may take me longer than usual to post because I have to work out the kinks in the next series of chapters I wrote.

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BPOV

Pain is an interesting sensation; one I thought I was an expert in. There is emotional pain. The type that gnaws at you from the inside out as it twists at your organs and tries to rip them from your body leaving you nothing but an empty shell. There is the pain of blinding fear. The sensation is like drowning. You're hit with a sudden coldness. It presses down on your chest making it difficult to breath. It creeps up to your throat to strangle you so you can't speak, so you can't move. There is the physical pain of a sharp blade slicing through flesh. What is truly beautiful about this pain is you don't feel anything at the onset. You see your skin slice open and at first it doesn't register what you've done, then a few seconds later the pain hits you like a searing hot lightning bolt. What's amazing about the pain is that waves of warmth spreads throughout your entire body like a blanket. All other pain is blocked out as the stinging sensation dissipates.

This pain was nothing like that. When Jasper's teeth pierced my flesh pain was instantaneous, which shocked me. It did not flow over my body like waves and it did not disperse. Instead it felt like acid blistering the skin. Every nerve ending felt like it was being tortured. The pain slowly crawled enjoying each minute of my agony. Death would be so much easier than this. I felt Jasper's teeth slice through my thigh and the acid began to bubble throughout the lower half of my body. I was almost grateful he bit a second time because my mind was distracted as it tried to figure out where my pain was worse, my upper body, or lower body. My head felt like it was going to explode from the pressure of my screams. I was only vaguely aware that Jasper was beside me when suddenly the pain started to seep out of my body and was replaced with calm. I registered what he was doing when I heard his sobs. He was trying to take away my pain. _No! This is not his cross to bear. I wanted this. Stop it Jasper. You've hurt enough as it is! _My pain was back. _I can do this. I have to do this. I love Jasper. I can't let him take on my pain._ I focused in on the demon that was eating away at me. Each time it licked a new part of flesh I remembered the feel of Jasper's tongue caressing me there. I willed myself to remember each time Jasper held me. Each time he entered inside me. Each time he filled me with pleasure. I was not going to let this pain tear away at me. I was going to keep whole for him. He saved me. The pain was a means to an end. I focused on the end. Jasper was waiting for me at the end of the tunnel. I could do this.

I don't know how long it had been. I'm not sure when I started to realise the pain beginning to concentrate around my heart. It was so intense that I saw nothing but a blinding white light. I couldn't hear anything but a roar in my ears, but the roar wasn't coming from outside. It was coming from inside my head like my brain was going to explode. My lungs collapsed and my breathing stopped. Suddenly I felt a sharp stabbing pain in my heart. I couldn't even gasp because my lungs didn't seem to work. I'm not sure when I finally realised that all the pain subsided because I was concentrating so hard on blocking everything out.

"Bella? Can you hear me love?"

_That's Jasper's voice. It sounds different. Like music. Am I dreaming? Am I dead? Fuck, what's wrong with me._

I was afraid to speak. I was afraid to open my eyes.

"Bella, please baby! I can't feel you. I need to know you're alright." He was sobbing next to me. My eyes fluttered open. I was staring at the ceiling and even though I could recognize all the objects around me, everything looked different. Colours had more distinct hues, shapes were more defined. Even the air had more texture. My eyes darted to the beautiful mess of blond hair resting on my breast. He was holding me and shaking as sobs racked his body. My hands came to rest on his hair gently stroking it. It was like running your fingers through fine silk. He looked up at me and his pitch black eyes were filled with worry and concern. Very slowly he released his grip on me and sat back with his hands placed flat on the bed. He was giving me a chance to fully see him and assure me that he was not a threat. The sight of him was shocking. His chest, shoulders, arms and torso were covered in sliver crescent shaped scars. There were parts of his body that had thicker scar tissue than others like pieces of armour welded to the skin making him look truly menacing. I raised a finger and let it run lightly over the most prominent scar tissue. His skin felt so different than the cold hard stone I was accustom to. Instead of the light ridges I felt as a human, his scars felt raised and hard, yet his skin was soft, warm and malleable under my touch. It was strange that this man I've been so intimate with, a man who I have touched, tasted and smelled could suddenly look and feel so foreign to me. If it wasn't for the love and concern in his eyes I probably would have been frightened, but he was still my Jasper. This man was by my side all of this time worrying about me, loving me, and caring for me. He was my knight in battered armour.

He didn't make a move. He looked broken. I obviously had hurt his feelings. He was thinking that I was rejecting him.

My voice was barely a whisper, "Come here."

He leaned in tentatively, unsure of my intentions, and closed his eyes. I didn't want him to fear me. I didn't want him to feel rejected. "Kiss me."

His lips first brushed over mine lightly, just grazing them as we both took in each other's scent. He smelled like fresh cut grass and cedar. I lifted my head slightly to take his lips in between mine. Tasting him was like drinking spring water from a clear stream. It felt clean, fresh and life giving. He deepened the kiss and I wrapped my arms around his neck and arched into him so he could feel my breasts pressed against his chest. I didn't want to stop. I wanted to reacquaint myself with every inch of him, but he pulled his lips away from mine.

"I can't feel you. Why can't I feel you?"

He looked so incredibly sad. It broke my heart to see him this way. I was aching. He was hurting so much and it was because of me. I didn't know how to fix it. Adding to the distress was my throat burning. Every time I swallowed it was like hot molten lava being poured down my oesophagus. My mind felt like it was going a mile a minute. I wanted to talk to him, reassure him everything was okay. I wanted to do something to get rid of the burn in my throat that was eating away at me. I wanted to pin him to the ground and make love to him till he could feel only me and nothing else. I wanted to find out what the hell was wrong with me. It was all too much.

"Jasper, I don't know, but my throat feels like I've swallowed razor blades."

The lost look in his eyes disappeared and his face became a blank slate. "You need to hunt. We should go now." He grabbed my arm to lead me out the door, but I stopped him for a second and put my hand on his cheek.

"Jasper, you know I love you right? Just because you can't feel it doesn't make it any less real. I love you."

He gave me a tentative smile, but I could still see the doubt all over his face. "I know darlin. It'll all be alright."

**JPOV**

When Bella went emotionally silent on me my first reaction was that I killed her. The pain of her void was way worse than the burn of venom. I immediately brought my ear to her chest to hear her heart beat. I could still hear its hypnotizing rhythm. I could feel the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. I was afraid to move. I laid completely still over her body counting her heartbeats. My arms clutched at her waist and my legs draped over hers. The heat from her body was comforting. Days began to pass. It shouldn't take this long. I should have probably called Carlisle or at least called Peter, but I couldn't tear myself away from her. By day three her body temperature began to drop. Her heart rate was started to speed up and her breathing was becoming more laboured. Those were the only indications that she was still with me. When her lungs collapsed and heart beat stopped on day five, I wailed and cried tearlessly. I succeeded in killing her human body. She was never going to shed tears again. Never going eat, sleep, blush, or enjoy the open sun without fear of being seen. I was expecting her to open eyes, but she didn't. I couldn't feel her emotions, she was completely still. _She's dead. Nothing is registering. I killed her. No, she can't be dead. I can't lose her. She needs to come back to me!_

"Bella, please love, come back to me. Please don't be dead." I was tearlessly crying into her breasts

"Bella, can you hear me love? Bella, please baby! I can't feel you. I need to know you're alright."

Suddenly a gentle hand was stroking my hair. I was afraid to speak. I looked up and saw the wonderment in her eyes as she took in her surroundings. She was so beautiful. She was still my Bella, but her features were all slightly enhanced. _Does she know who I am? Is she afraid of me? _I wasn't sure how she was going to react to me. She was stronger than me and much more volatile. Because I couldn't feel her I also wouldn't be able to manipulate her emotions, which was a frightful thought. I slowly lifted myself off of her. I wasn't sure how she was going to react when she saw the gruesome creature I really was. I placed my hands in front of me so she could sense I was not a threat and then waited. Her gaze was intense. I couldn't feel her emotions or read her eyes. When she touched my scars I swallowed hard. _She thinks you're a freak and you know she's right. _I was ready to bolt out the room when I heard her whisper "Come here." _This is it. She's going to rip me to shreds. Better to be dead than to see her repulsed by me. _I closed my eyes afraid that if I saw her disgust I would fall to pieces. Then she said two words that changed my entire belief system. "Kiss me." If we really were evil, soulless creatures that were meant to spend eternity in damnation, this angel before me would not have uttered those words. I lightly brushed over her lips afraid that she would change her mind. She still smelled like lavender and freesias. She was still my Bella. My angel then did what I was too afraid to do. She closed the gap between us and took my lips with hers. The taste of her lips, mouth and tongue was amazingly like the taste of her blood. It was like drinking in vanilla infused honey. I wanted to taste her for hours. Amazingly she pressed her beautiful flawless body against my scarred grotesque form. Her body was responsive to my touch, but I couldn't feel her emotions. Not being one with her emotions was weighing on me.

"I can't feel you. Why can't I feel you?"

"Jasper, I don't know, but my throat feels like I've swallowed razor blades."

_Crap. How many years did you spend in the Southern Wars training newborns? Stop thinking about yourself asshole and pull yourself together._

"You need to hunt. We should go now." I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the door, but she stopped me.

"Jasper, you know I love you right? Just because you can't feel it doesn't make it any less real. I love you."

I knew she was right and I was probably being petty, but seeing her in her new beautiful form and knowing what I must look like to her, I could help but think that at any moment she was going to run screaming.

"I know darlin. It'll all be alright."

We took off into the woods. She was no longer clumsy and unsure. I was awed by her grace and beauty. We stopped as we approached a herd of elk. I hadn't fed in over a week and was strained from the emotional rollercoaster. Their heart beats sounded like thunder in my ears. Their scent made the venom pool in my mouth and swallowing it back was like acid burning a hole through my vocal cords. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to speak. I needed to get in control so she could hunt. If I was this bad, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to keep her in control. I could tell the smell of a living being was bringing out her more animal side, but instead of attacking on site she just stood in front of me and placed her hand on my cheek.

She seemed perfectly fine as she spoke, "Why don't you hunt first and show me how."

I couldn't talk because all I kept thinking of was draining the entire herd. My ego would have been bruised if it wasn't for the fact that the fire consuming me was blocking everything else out. I took off and snapped the necks off of four elk in a matter of seconds then drained all of them within minutes. Bella stood off in the distance looking at me intently. I made my way over to her and put my forehead against hers as my hands weaved through her hair.

She whispered, "I love the amber colour of your eyes. It's like light hitting against maple syrup."

"You know that maple syrup tastes like mud right?" I was smiling as I said it.

She smiled back, "Well I guess your eyes are beautiful like light hitting against mud."

"You're showing tremendous restraint. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous."

I felt like our roles were somehow reversed. She was in way more control than I was. It reminded me so much of my time with the Cullens, being the only one who truly struggled. _Maybe I'm not cut out for this life after all_. I needed to push aside my insecurities and focus on Bella. I dropped my hands from her hair, but she grabbed them and entwined them in hers.

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to rip you part and take out the entire herd myself, but Jasper seeing you in pain is worse than any blood thirst." Her arms wrapped around me. "Besides, I could use a few pointers so I don't make a complete ass of myself." She was trying to be light, but I knew she was trying to sooth me. _She's probably a mind reading empath too._

We roamed the woods and found some deer. She looked at me tentatively. "I can kill them for you first if that will be easier?"

She nodded no. "I need to learn. There's no time like the present."

She stalked her prey and then pounced. In that split second I was on my knees. I was hit with a tremendous amount of pain as the burn of her thirst hit me. I felt also felt her fear and excitement as she drank. Once she was finished, I felt her satisfaction and sadness. Once her instinct took over, the dam that was blocking me from her feelings broke and everything hit me with a force of a tsunami. Even though I was gasping and clutching at my head I was happier than I have ever been. She wasn't blank to me. She was mine again in body, soul, and mind. When she was done, she cautiously walked over to me. She looked like a goddess of the forest. Her hair was wild; there were blood stains on her outfit. Her eyes glowed red.

"What's wrong? Are you okay? Do you need to hunt again?"

I just couldn't get over how happy I felt. I tackled her to the ground and just before I planted a kiss on her lips I said, "I can feel you. All of you."

She kissed back and said in between kisses, "Can you feel everything?"

"Everything."


	22. Chapter 22 Gratuitous Lemon

Mar 5, 2011

A/N: Thank you all for reading my story. I have been getting such wonderful kind reviews, it's completely blown me away. I won't be posting for a few days, while I try and straighten out the last half of this story. Right now it's looking like it's going to be around 35 chapters. I have some writing and editing to do.

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**JPOV**

I almost took her right there in the forest, but this was going to be our first time together since her change, and the gentleman in me wouldn't allow that. Even though she could run perfectly fine on her own, I slung her over my shoulder and carried her back to my house running the entire way. She was laughing at my eagerness, but truthfully the moment I told her I could feel all of her, my dick went into overdrive. I managed to get in the house and threw her on the bed causing it to slam against the wall leaving a large crack. I didn't have to rip off her clothes because she did that for me already. I had to pause for a second and take in the sight of her wild with arousal, panting and spread open for me. Her eyes were focused on my cock as she bit her bottom lip. _God, I can't wait for those lips to be around my dick. _I crawled up from the bottom of the bed stalking my prey. She didn't run. She just spread her legs wider inviting me in. Her lips were slightly open and her nipples were already hard. The smell of her arousal permeated the air. She had her hands clasped above her head. She was waiting for me to take her. Not make love to her, but claim her. There was no kissing, no light caresses, no sweet words. I just stared at her beautiful face as I staked my claim inside of her. Her head was thrown back and her eyes rolled at the back of her head. Her mouth opened slightly wider in an o shape as her desire rose. She was so incredibly tight, and yet she was so wet I slid right in like she was made for me. She was throbbing all around me trying to pull me deep inside her. I relished the fact that I no longer needed hold back. She was no longer breakable, and I would no longer see her body mottled with bruises. I plunge deep inside were with deliberate force trying to meld our bodies into one. Each time I entered her it felt like I was making her more mine. Watching her arch her back and lift her hips to meet me was making me crazy. I grabbed her legs and hoisted them over each of my shoulders as I began to speed up my pace and drill into her. Both of us were screaming out in pleasure. Her walls closed in on my dick squeezing the seed out of me as I came painfully hard. Once she had calmed down from her high I pulled myself out and collapsed on top of her relishing the feeling of her body being crushed against mine. It was nice not to worry about suffocating her as I draped my dead weight over her.

I could feel her smile against my hair. "I hope you're handy around the house, because you're going to have to fix the hole we just made in the wall and the bed we've just broken."

"Love, I plan on turning this bed into saw dust by the time I'm through with you."

"Through with me? When's it going to be my turn?"

"Oh Darlin, you can take as many turns as you want. I could stare at your beautiful naked behind all day."

Whatever I said triggered her curiosity and excitement. She looked like a light bulb just went off in her head. Next thing I know she's thrown me to the floor and standing buck naked in front of the full length mirror in that was situated in the corner of the room.

_You insensitive perv! You didn't give her a chance to check out her new body. She has no clue what she looks like._

She looked perplexed as she took in her nude form. "I look the same...yet different."

I was looking at her through the mirror. One hand was playing with the natural curl in chestnut hair, which was now a little richer and had a little more shine. Another hand was at her mouth examining the enhancements of her features. Her lips were fuller and her features were more symmetrical. Her eyes had more of an almond shape and her irises glowed red. My eyes travelled down to her body. Her breasts were larger and rounder. The pink hues of her nipples were like pink flowers against her snow white skin. Her body still had the same soft delicate features but her legs and torso were a longer and leaner, giving her an extra three inches of height. Since she was facing the mirror I had a glorious view of her back. The slight valley along her spine disappeared into round hills of her gorgeous ass. I wanted to do nothing more than take a bite out of it. Her body was perfection. She looked down at her wrists and a sadness was there. The scars from her past were no longer there to haunt her. The only things marring the creamy white canvas were two silver crescent shapes on her neck and thigh. Knowing they were made by me was increasing my temperature. Needing to touch her I came up behind her and sucked at her neck. One hand was stroked her breasts while the other moved gently up and down the mark on her thigh.

"You were always beautiful. The change just enhances what was already there."

"You don't miss the warmth of my skin?"

"I loved your body then and I love your body now. As long as it's your body I will always love it. In fact, I think I want to love it right now in front of this mirror."

Her lust spiked as she turned to face me.

"I think, Mr. Whitlock, it is my turn to love you."

Her lips nipped at my neck and she made her way down to my chest. Her lust and love felt so good. She didn't seem to care about my scars, but watching her flawless body lovingly grace over my hideous form seemed so wrong.

"Jasper..." her voice was soft and seductive as she moved behind me so I had a full view of my naked body. She was placing small kisses on my back which was making me shiver with pleasure. "...Jasper, you are so beautiful. Do you know what I see when I look at your body?"

I couldn't speak. I just nodded no. "I see a man. A real man. A man who must be incredibly strong and powerful. A man who can take care of himself and take care of me." She moved back around to face me again. Her hands were at my shoulders and slowly moved downward gliding over my chest, my torso and resting on my hips as she lowered herself to her knees. "You always know how to take care of me Jasper. Let me take care of you."

I was looking at us in the mirror, me standing over her and her kneeling before me. I was taking much unneeded breaths in anticipation as she lived out the fantasy that day I pleasured myself in front of her. She slowly licked the base of my cock, her tongue making its way upwards towards my head. She stopped before reaching my tip and her eyes gazed upwards towards mine. She wanted me to look at her, to see everything she was doing to me. When her mouth closed over my manhood she brought her hands to my ass and pushed me inside of her. Now that she wasn't human she could take in all of me. I could feel myself sliding all the way to the back of her throat. My teeth clenched as I willed myself to hang on. She pulled me out of her mouth completely but sucking hard the entire time. Then her tongue made its way slowly along my shaft till she reached my balls. She started moaning as she sucked on my pearls. They were getting tighter and tighter and my head was crying for release. She wasn't ready yet to stop. She took me in her mouth again, this time her head bobbing up and down as she moaned, sending the vibrations from her mouth all long my shaft. My hands moved to her hair. Taking her head in my hands as she sucked on my dick felt so good. She was mine completely. I watched us in the mirror. My hips were moving back in forth with the rhythm of her head. Her breasts were bouncing up and down and I could see her wetness begin to dribble down her thigh. Knowing she was getting so completely turned on just by pleasuring me with her sweet candy mouth was making my dick even harder. She started making whimpering noises and sucking on me faster and harder, begging me to come inside her. I didn't want this moment to end. Through the mirror I saw her remove one hand from my ass and move over her clit. She started rubbing on her hot wet centre in sync with the way her mouth was moving in and out of me. It was enough to send me over the edge. I could feel my cum shoot out of me and down her throat. She didn't release her hold as her tongue swirled around my dick licking every last drop.

Her hand was coated in her juices from her own orgasm. I was so awed by the experience I dropped to my knees so we were now at eye level. Her eyes were black with lust. She took one of her wet fingers and placed it gently between my lips as she let me suck all the juices from it. When her finger was clean I fisted her hair and kissed her with everything in me. My tongue reached the inside of her mouth tasting all of her, all of us. I needed to have her inside me again. This time I wanted to make sure I didn't just claim her. I wanted to get to know every inch of her knew body inside and out. My hands cupped her breasts and kneaded the smooth firm flesh. My tongue roamed inside her mouth, along her jaw line, and over the scar on her neck. I sucked and nipped at her ear, neck and collarbone. My hands moved to touch every part of her back and my tongue swirled over her breasts. Her nipples were already pert and ready for my lips. I put them in my mouth and sucked hard. She was so incredibly hot as she began to talk dirty.

"Oh fuck yes Jasper! ...Suck harder... God Yes! You feel so good. I am so wet for you right now. Can you feel it baby?"

My fingers found in her core. I went deep inside of her and curled them hitting her g-spot. "Fuck you feel good. You are so fucking wet. I need to be inside you. Tell me you want it. How much do you want it?"

As my fingers were moving in and out of her she wrapped her fingers around my cock. "I want you so bad Jasper. I need you so much I'm aching. I need you to take me now."

I laid her down and let our combined lust devour us as I entered her.

"You're mine! You'll always be mine!"

She was writhing in ecstasy, her bliss bubbling to the surface. "Yes...Yes! I'm yours! I'm always yours!"

We climaxed together, screaming out for each other. The emotions between the two of us were so overwhelming we clung to each other like our lives depended on it. Bella was quietly sobbing into my chest as she needed an outlet to let go. I quietly stroked her hair and rubbed her back as she let it all out.

"I'm sorry. I just love you so much. I can't believe how incredible you were."

"shh...I love you Darlin. I will always be here for you."

"Is this what you deal with all the time? When there are so many people around with so many feelings?"

"What you and I just shared can only be shared between us. My love for you is everything to me. Your love for me is what makes me a man. When I'm dealing with the emotions of others it has the same intensity, but I've only ever felt this kind of love with you."

"I just don't know how you do it. Everything feels so much more intense. I feel so out of control it scares me, yet it feels so good, I don't know if I want to control it."

"You're new to this life. Just like your sight, hearing, smell, and reflexes are enhanced so are your feelings. Just because you will learn how to control your emotions doesn't mean our love or pleasure will be any less."

"Jasper?"

"Yes Darlin?"

"The night of my birthday, when you attacked me. I forgave you for what you did, but I don't think I truly understood it until now. I'm so sorry for all that you've had to endure."

"Sometimes a gift can also be a curse."

We didn't say anymore after that. She didn't need to apologize. It was just so nice having someone understand me. I never felt more content laying there on the bare wooden floor with the love of my existence in my arms.


	23. Chapter 23 Questionable Assets

Mar 11, 2011

A/N: I am so sorry for the delay. I'm also sorry for the issues I've encountered posting this chapter. I've had a rough week and 3 glasses of wine, so if things seem a bit screwed up, please forgive me.

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**_Timing: Just before Christmas, almost three years since Edward and Alice have been imprisoned. _**

_**Scene: Aro, Marcus, and Caius in the throne room within the walls of Volterra. **_

**MPOV**

Caius and I have been silently watching as Aro carried out his plan. The children are now mere shells of their former selves. Caius is angry that they weren't killed from the very beginning. Part of me wants to agree with him. After all, if our subjects find out we are keeping innocents and torturing them, it could start a mutiny. I'm sure the Romanians would love an opening to seize back power. I gave Aro a grave look.

"Aro, you still have the young ones in the cellar. When is this madness going to end?"

Caius also turned to Aro from his throne. "Aro, I agree with Marcus. You can't keep them there forever. We should have done away with them from the start. It's been almost three years. What are you hoping to accomplish by keeping these loose ends around?"

"My dear brothers, they are too valuable an asset to just throw away. Look at the progress we've made. They are now readily drinking human blood. I've touched them to know they are no longer looking for ways to end their existence or escape. With the help of our dear Chelsea, it's only a matter of time before they come around. I feel like we are getting so close."

His obsession with these two was making me weary. "So close to what dear brother? What was their crime? Yes they let a human know of our existence, but she's dead. The girl Alice managed to cover your precious Edward before he made a spectacle. If word gets out of this injustice, the masses could revolt and we could lose everything."

"Marcus, you are being paranoid. They have committed a crime. Their diet and lifestyle is an abomination. We were not meant to debase ourselves by living amongst humans. Carlisle's coven is not only a threat to our very existence, but his propensity for picking up gifted coven members is dangerous for us. It's only a matter of time before the Cullens try and usurp our authority."

"Threat to our existence? Usurp our authority? Aro, I think you're the one who is starting to act paranoid. Not once has Carlisle inferred that he was hungry for any power. We've kept watch over him for years and his family is practically all gone. It's time we leave them be..."

"Enough! I will not be attacked when I'm doing what is best for all of us! Edward and Alice will be ours, and Carlisle will get what's coming to him. Once he's destroyed, no one will dare take us on EVER!"

I didn't respond. What was there to say when he got like this? I knew better than anyone that Aro would stop at nothing to get his way and increase his power. We sat there in silence until the buzzing of a cell phone sliced through the tense air. Aro looks at the call display and answers the call.

"You have news?"

"Yes Master. The prodigal son has returned."

"Is he there now?"

"No, he came, stayed for three hours forty-five minutes, and then departed two minutes ago."

"Odd isn't it? That he didn't stay? Do you have any other information?"

"Only that he has maintained their perverse diet. Should we have him followed?"

"No. He's an empath. If we send anyone he will know. Besides, we have ways of tracking him from here. Come home. I'm sure you miss civilization and Felix has been playing with your toys."

"Yes master. Please tell Felix that they should remain intact. I would hate to come home and find them broken and useless."

"He knows better, but I will emphasize your request."

Aro snaps the phone shut and beckons for Jane. She rushes to the throne room and stands before us. Her gaze never leaves Aro. She looks at him adoringly. I'm sure if she had her way Sulpicia would befall an untimely demise. He knows this and loves the attention anyway.

"You called Master?"

"Yes my darling Jane. It's time. Please get Alice and Edward properly fitted for the dining room. It's time to bring them into the fold. Tonight you will welcome your new brother and sister."

She bows before she leaves to do his bidding. Once we're alone, Caius speaks up again.

"The warrior has returned?"

"I'm not sure. He's made an appearance. If Carlisle decides to utilize his card, we must be prepared."

"You really think that the girl will fight against her mate? That the boy will really go against his brother and father? I say we kill them now."

"Have you not heard a word I said? That is NOT an option. We will have their loyalty. Once Chelsea has had time to work her gift, Carlisle and the God of War will be no more than distant memories. I expect both of you at dinner. Remember, if one of us falls, we all do."

Caius and I stare as he gets up and leaves. Once he's gone Caius turns to me, "I have a feeling this won't end well for us."

I don't bother responding. Instead I mull over his statement. Maybe my time on this earth is finally over. Maybe I'll finally get to rest with my Didyme.


	24. Chapter 24 Reflections

March 14, 2011

A/N: Okay peeps. Bella needs some time to get used to her knew life, and Jasper's still dealing with his issues.

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**PPOV**

I answered the phone on the first ring. It could only be one person. "Hey Brother. I reckon we lost you to the Yanks you've been gone so long."

"Yeah well, the last few years have been kind of rough."

"So I hear."

"I take it you know about Alice."

"Everyone knows about Alice and Edward. I know we didn't always see eye to eye, but that don't mean they deserved their lot. Char and I are real sorry Jasper. We know it's been hard."

"Yeah well, everything happens for a reason right?"

"And let me guess, that reason may have something to do with a leggy brunette?"

"You stay out of my bedroom and I'll stay out of yours."

"Listen bro, you know Char would welcome you in our bedroom anytime."

"Sorry dude, playing swords is not my style."

"You yanks have no sense of adventure."

"One, I am still and always will be a Southerner. Two, I think I've had enough adventure to last me a couple lifetimes. Three, I've already seen your ugly naked ass and I'll think I'll pass."

"Suit yourself, but I get no complaints from my woman."

"okay, okay. I don't need a visual. You know why I called."

"Char and I have already started packing. She is so excited. She's already taking about coordinating outfits or whatever it is chicks do."

"Thanks man. I know I should have called sooner and I really owe you for helping me out here."

"Listen, Char and I wouldn't be here now if it weren't for you. You call and we're there, end of story. Now don't start cryin or turnin into a sissy on me. When we get there you and I are gonna take out my new babies. I bought me and Char some matching Borden Signature Rifles. You and I can take them out for a little target practice."

"How soon can you get here?"

"We'll see you in a week."

"See you soon man."

"Oh and bro?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell your girlfriend there's no need to worry. She can leave her shield down."

"Huh?"

I hung up and burst out laughing. Let him chew on that for a while.

**JPOV**

The phone went dead. "Fucker!"

A shield. She's a shield. It all made so much more sense, and why didn't I think of that. _You gotta stop thinking with your dick dude. It's turning you stupid. _Edward couldn't hear her thoughts. After I told her about Edward and Alice's deaths I couldn't feel her emotions. She was able to suppress her pain from others. It was her coping mechanism for Charlie and Jake. She must have known I was feeling the pain of her change which is why she shut her emotions off from me. She probably doesn't know how she did it, which is why she doesn't know how to shut it off. When she hunted for the first time, she let herself go and surrendered to her instincts. Because her guard was down I was able to feel her again. Peter's gift is he just knows shit. I don't know how and I'm sure neither does he, but I never needed to bother getting an explaination. It can be a blessing and be irritating. Either way it was that gift that pulled us out of more than a few jams. I trusted him with my life and knew he would also stand with us if things came to a head with the Volturi.

I've spent the last two weeks teaching Bella how to rely on her new skills. The hardest thing about being a newborn is the overload of information in one's head. The brain's capacity suddenly opens up and you are inundated with a wealth of new information to process all at once. Once she was so frustrated she destroyed the kitchen. _Good thing we don't eat. _We've hunted every day to keep her bloodlust in check. We run through the woods so she can get accustom to her speed. I've given her various training exercises to help her utilize her strength and agility. We spend hours making love. She has been trading emails with Vanessa and Jake keeping them up to date on her progress and they, in turn, having been keeping her up to date with the progress of Vanessa's pregnancy. She's spoken to Charlie once, feigning she was really busy with school and work. That was the day the stove got pulverized. In spite of all the activity, Bella has had difficulty with the concept of not sleeping. It's been so long since I've been human I've forgotten what it's like to retire for the evening. Some nights she lays in bed with her eyes closed pretending to sleep. It's those times when I feel a profound loss coming from her. Even though I know she's happy and this is what she's chosen, sometimes it losing the most mundane every day things that hurt the most, because it signifies losing something much bigger, like her humanity. I want to just hold her and tell her everything will get better, but I know she needs time to process this on her own. By morning she "wakes up" and snaps out of her depression.

I called Peter thinking it would be good for her to see other people. Her control seems to be fairly in check and both Peter and Charlotte are experienced fighters, which would be helpful in her training. We hadn't addressed combat skills yet. I've trained thousands of newborns, but couldn't bring myself to attack her. I wasn't afraid of hurting her, but I wasn't sure I was ready for her to see that side of me. It's one thing to know the atrocities I've committed; it's another thing to experience them. She says she loves me scars and all, but would she after I tried ripping her throat out? I haven't been in a real conflict in years. The incident with James hardly counts since we outnumbered him in manpower, skills, and gifts. It's not like I can forget how, but I've tried for so long to change. Now I had to let the monster within me out for the sake of my family. What if I couldn't come back from that?

The feel of soft lips kissing my disfigured shoulder brought me out of my reverie. "What has you in such deep thought my love?"

"I spoke to Peter earlier today. He and Charlotte will be coming for a visit. I thought you might be bored of me by now."

Another set of kisses trailed along one of the deeper scars on my back. "You and boredom do not mix, but it would be nice to meet people that you are close to. I want to know everything about you."

Her hands moved over my scars that sat just above my hip and I roughly grabbed her hand. Normally her touches would send tremors of pleasure throughout me, but hearing Peter's voice and thinking about potentially letting out the demon within me was bringing back too many bad thoughts and memories. My stomach twisted in knots, making me feel ill. The demon rumbled deep inside me. It was clawing its way out and shredding my soul the closer it got to the surface. "How can you kiss and touch my scars like that? Why aren't you sick at the sight of me? "

She pulled away from me like I just slapped her in the face. "I...I... I don't care about your scars."

_Do you have to be such an asshole? _"I don't get it. I'm hideous. I'm evil, yet you don't seem to care. It's like it turns you on?" _Yep, apparently you do have to be such an asshole._

"Would you rather I flinch from the sight of you? Would you rather I fear you? I'm not judging you for your past, so why are you judging me for loving the man that you are?"

"Because one day you will wake up, and when you do, you'll look at me with horror and disgust, and you won't be able to hide it. I'll know exactly why you've left." _If she wasn't going to leave you before, she sure is now._

"Jasper, when my arms and legs were covered in scars, did you flinch away from me? Did you feel horror and disgust knowing I mutilated myself, knowing I traded sex for drugs?"

In those two sentences, all of my anger and fear washed away, leaving a large plate of guilt and a hearty helping of crow. _Oh, I so know where she's going with this and now I've dug myself in a hole. It won't have to be a big hole, since now I'm probably only two inches tall._ "Of course not. " I responded. I kept my gaze fixated on the ceiling, because I knew I was wrong but I just wasn't ready to admit to it.

"So then how are your scars any different? The only thing that separates us is that my scars are no longer visible." She put her hands on my face forcing me to look directly in her eyes. "I will never leave you. There is nothing you could have done in the past, nothing you could do in the present or future to make me leave."

"You say that now, but you just don't know. Your scars and your past you did out of pain. It wasn't really who you were. You don't know me. Not the real me anyways. You see my scars and act like they are some kind of badge of honour. They're not. They're just a hint at what kind of monster I truly am, and one day I'm not going to be able to keep him at bay. One day you are going to see what I really am, and you are going to hate me." _Best offense is a great defence. _

I expected her to walk away, or to start sobbing, or to slap me. I didn't expect her to suddenly rip her clothes off and stand in front of me naked.

"Jasper, my body is not flawless. What do you see?" She wasn't screaming at me. I would have preferred screaming. Instead it was an eerie calm.

Truthfully I was scared. My voice was hoarse as I answered her. "I see my marks on your body. The marks I made to take your life away."

"You know what I see? I see the marks you made to give me life. To give me the life I dreamed of. A life with you. Now what? You want me to hate you? Why? So you can have an excuse to leave me? You're trying to push me away so you won't get hurt. Well let me tell you something Major Jasper Whitlock, I am not going anywhere. If you really want me to go, then man up and tell me you don't love me, but don't act like you're doing this for my benefit."

Her standing there naked with her red eyes ablaze in anger was a sight to behold. Her hands were at her sides balled up into fists as she held her ground. I felt so foolish. If I thought for one second that she couldn't love all of me I never would have changed her. Knowing her capacity for love and forgiveness, I had no doubts that she was my eternity. Yet here I am being a complete and utter dick. I wish I could see what she saw in me.

I took a step closer to her and projected my love and remorse. "Bella, it's hard to look in a mirror and not see the perceptions of others staring back at me. I wish I could have the same love for my scars as you do for yours."

Her anger melted and her compassion emanated towards me as she pulled me in an embrace. "Just promise that you won't ever doubt my love for you ever again. Promise that you'll never leave me – ever!"

_The girl has won. Wave the white flag. _"I promise. I will never doubt you. I will never leave you. You are my eternity. I'm sorry I had any shadow of doubt."

My hands weaved through her hair and I leaned down to kiss her, which ignited a fire inside me. She tasted so sweet, all I could think of was how much more I needed. Her chest was pressed against mine and her arousal was already dampening my jeans. Sensing my need she ripped my pants off began stroking my swollen dick. I sucked at the crescent shaped scar on her neck. She was all mine, and I it was time she knew I was all hers.

As my tongue played in her ear I whispered. "Bite me Bella."

She pulled back from me a bit as she contemplated my words. "Are you sure? Won't it hurt?"

"Mark me as yours Bella. I want to see what you see when I look in the mirror."

I picked her up and led her to the bed. The frame was completely broken, but the mattress was still intact. I lay down with her straddling on top of me.

She was hovering over me on her knees and I was positioned at her entrance. Then, as she said "I love you" her teeth bared down on an area of smooth skin above my left nipple. The pain shot through me like an electric volt and my hips arched upwards stabbing into her centre. The feeling of simultaneous pleasure and pain was exquisite. It made me ache for more. This time I held her hips and pulled out so that I was only about an inch inside of her. I was painfully hard and wanted nothing more than to be deep within her, but not before I made sure Bella had marked me as hers all over my body.

"Again!" I screamed. She complied, this time biting down on my neck. We repeated the process over and over until she had left half dozen scars all over my body. Each time I yelled out, she sunk her teeth into my exposed flesh and I sunk my phallus into her wet core. She couldn't take the slow pace any longer. She needed her own release and was going to grind me into oblivion to get it. My engorged dick was screaming to cum. When her climax came she screamed "Mine, mine, mine" over and over again as she tightened around me. The pleasure of my release spread throughout my body making me scream "Fucking Yes!" The burn from her venom quieted and we both came down from the euphoria of our experience.

Her tongue lazily traced over one of my newly made crescents. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"It was a good pain, the kind that takes away all others."

I could feel her understanding and it made me realize what she was going through when she would cut herself. It made me feel that much closer to her. "Do you miss your other scars?"

"Before you entered my life, I depended on them. I was so empty. The only time I felt anything was when I was cutting myself or when I would look at them. Once you entered my life, I didn't need them anymore. They just reminded me of a time I wanted to forget. The scars you created are different. Every time I look at them I picture your lips on me, I remember you touching me. I remember waking up with you sobbing into my chest and feeling your love for me. I want you to feel my love when you look at yourself in the mirror. I want you to love yourself Jasper."

"Knowing you love me means everything to me. Seeing evidence of your love for me makes me feel like a better man. I'm so sorry about the way I acted. I haven't spoken to Peter in a long time and it just brings up a lot of memories. I know I can't forget, but when I'm reminded it just puts me in a bad mindset."

There wasn't anything left to say. We just held each other in silence basking in our love for one another.

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A/N: Normally my lemons have no bearing on the story, but what would fan fiction be without lemons right? This one I felt wasn't completely superfluous, because it would help Jasper's character evolve. I love a tortured emo, but I think it's time he put his shit behind him and become the confident sexy Major we all love.


	25. Chapter 25 New Brethren

March 15, 2011

A/N: I think the below sums up Alice's and Edward's time in Volterra. It occurs just after Aro received the call from Demetri.

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**APOV**

I'm in another place. A place with pretty flowers, cool streams, and warm sunlight. A place with no chains, no pain, no Demetri, and no Felix. I can't see who I'm with. Only that I'm not alone. I'm happy. What does happiness feel like? I'm not sure. I only know that I am. A figure stands before me. He's about to lean down for a kiss. But before he hits his target, my neck snaps to the side and I hear the crunch of bone as my jaw breaks for the hundred and sixteenth time. _Oh right! I'm still here, and Felix is having his turn. _I brace myself for another blow, but before it lands a voice yells from a distance.

"Felix, ENOUGH!"

He stops and looks at Jane like she's just rained on his parade.

"But Jane, my dear, I haven't gotten to the good part yet."

"Aro requests their presence in the dining room. We must get them ready."

"So soon? I thought we would at least get a decade to play with them."

She gives him a look like a mother scolding her son. Given that she was probably no more than fourteen when she was turned and he looks like a Greek Olympian, the exchange seems almost comical. I'd laugh if the required bones weren't shattered.

Edward looks to me hoping I have a vision of what Aro wants. Other than my delusions of being in some happy unknown place, I haven't seen anything. Of course, I'm usually in too much pain or too drained to look. As Jane unshackles me, Edward is looking at her intently. By the frustration on his face it's clear she's blocking him out of her head.

Like a shadow appearing in the sun, Alec is by her side. I'm not sure if he was always there or if he just appeared. She turns to him. "We must get them ready. They must look presentable for our masters."

Alec nods and I can't feel anything again. Once I'm free, Jane unchains Edward and we both slump to the floor. I'm vaguely aware that Felix has hoisted both of us on his shoulders and is carrying us out of our cell with Jane and Alec gliding behind us. It's the first time I've been out of that dingy cell since we got here. I feel almost grateful. We ascend up a winding staircase and stop at a huge wooden door. Inside is a lavishly decorated bedroom. Everything is in rich shades of red and gold, and the furniture is straight from the Baroque period. Felix dumps me on the enormous four poster bed. It's surreal seeing things happen to you, but not be able to feel. It's like watching yourself on a television set. I was wishing I could feel the soft bed underneath me for just a moment.

Jane looks at Felix, and speaks softly. "Felix, show him to the other room. We need to get them ready. Can you handle Edward while I start with Alice?" It's the first time she has uttered our names out loud. Even though there is no malice behind her voice, I still cringe at the sound of my name escaping those lips.

"Can I at least play with him, since I had to cut my play date short?"

She looks annoyed. "No. You may not."

"But that's not fair. I barely got to touch the girl! The least you can do is give me some time with the boy!"

That did it. She was pissed. Suddenly Felix drops to his knees (dropping Edward in the process), and screams in agony. I can't help but smile at the sound of his pain. I could listen to that music all day. Her gaze remains fixed on the writhing man as she speaks to Alec.

"Brother, I'm sorry, but it looks like you will have to get Edward ready. Felix doesn't seem up to the task. Would you mind taking them both out of the room? I need to start. We wouldn't want to keep the masters waiting."

Wordlessly he accepts his orders and hauls both Edward and Felix out of the room. With Alec gone, I can feel my body again. It's sore, but the comfort of the bed is like heaven. I feel like I'm melting into the soft satin sheets. I haven't felt anything soft in years. When the door closes, Jane turns to me with a look of compassion. This is clearly not the girl I've come to fear and loath.

"Alice, we need to get you cleaned and dressed. Are you capable of walking?"

I'm afraid to speak. I know there is no use trying to fight. She would just use her power and kill me. I can feel my jaw healing and the pain is giving me a headache. I just nod and slowly slide off the bed. She takes me by the hand, much in the same fashion as the way she holds on to Alec and leads me to an adjoining bathroom. The bathroom is a small white marble room with thirteen foot ceilings. It's very minimalistic. There is a glass vessel sink on one side of the wall and a very tall mirror with a silver gilded frame on the opposite wall. In the middle of the room is a large claw-foot tub. I stand naked, in silence as she draws me a bubble bath. My hands are at my side, because there is no use hiding when she's seen all of me already. Trying to escape is futile and the thought of warm soapy water is too tempting.

When the water is ready, she leads me to tub and helps me in. She gently washes and scrubs the dirt off my body, kneading my sore muscles into a jello state. She doesn't speak or look at me. She just focuses at her task. Once the water is brown with dirt and grime she drains it and refills the tub so I can get a proper rinse. The warm water and gentle touch is lulling me into a catatonic state. Instead of asking me to get out of the tub, Jane reaches in and pulls me out like a baby. I'm not sure what's more shocking; that she's treating me like I'm a delicate glass statue, or that I'm letting her. She sets me to stand on the floor then towels me off and wraps me in a thick fluffy white terry cloth robe that was hanging on the back of the bathroom door. I whisper thank you to her and she looks at me with kind eyes and nods.

I feel foreign. Like the last thirty three months, two days, and four hours was just a horrible nightmare that I'm waking up from. Back in the bedroom, Jane opens up an armoire and pulls out a long satin lilac gown with a high neck and lock sleeves. It looks straight out of a fairy tale. Jane lifts the dress over my head and fastens the 24 satin covered buttons through the hoops along the spine of the dress in record time. The dress is simple, elegant, and covers all the evidence of my time here. My face has now healed and I'm amazed at my transformation as I look in the mirror and watch Jane placing elegant jewel studded clips in my hair. From caged animal to beautiful fairy. She gives me a moment to take in the change in my circumstance then leads me out of the room.

We go through a series of tunnels and stairs until we come to an arch. Beyond the arch is a magnificent ball room. In the middle is a dining table that could seat over 30 people quite comfortably, decorated with tall candelabras and a stunning array of flowers. I notice at the far end of the table is Edward and Alec. I sit across from Edward and Jane sits beside me. He's wearing a simple and elegant black Armani tuxedo. His beautiful bronze hair has been washed and styled in his usual messy, but deliberate fashion. His face is completely unreadable, but his eyes never leave mine.

_Are you alright? Were you treated well?_ I ask in my mind.

He gives a slight nod affirmative. Then he slightly raises his eye brow. Unless you were looking directly at him, you wouldn't notice the movement. I know he's wondering what's going on so I take this opportunity to search for a vision. Shockingly I see us in black cloaks. We are in wooded area, on our way to some destination. We aren't alone. Alec, Jane, Felix, Demetri, and all three brothers are with us. I keep looking to see where we are going, but everything fades to black. My brother is looking very angry. Almost on the brink of rage.

_Please Edward! Don't make a scene. I can't go back to that dungeon again. _

My pleading seems to work because his face turns back into a statue again. I'm sure Jane and Alec are aware of our little exchange, but they make no indication that they notice. We sit in complete silence for twenty minutes and then the sounds of footsteps in the distance begin to echo.

**APOV**

During dinner most of us sat in silence as Aro regaled us with stories from his past. I wondered what the purpose of all this was.

Beside Edward sat a vision of beauty. The woman, who was introduced to us as Chelsea, was the vampire version of Gisele Budchen. She was tall and statuesque, with lustrous wavy dark blond hair. She wore a stunning turquoise dress that revealed her long legs and ample cleavage. She was like a blue water lily amongst our depressing little group. Every so often she would steal glances at Edward. She clearly liked what she saw in my brother. He however, looked rather annoyed.

_I think you have an admirer_

He lifted the corner of his mouth in scowl. Clearly he was not as impressed by her beauty as I was.

Our dinner was served to us in Lalique Phalsbourg stemware. It was the first sip of human blood where his face didn't haunt me. Somehow I was forgetting him. He was becoming some distant memory of a past that was no longer relevant in my life. When did this happen?

Edward looked at me knowingly.

_You too?_

He gave a slight nod and his eyes directed me to the woman beside him.

_Does she have something to do with our memories?_

Again, a slight nod.

I couldn't explain it, but I was drawn to this woman. I noticed Edward was also looking at her with less malice. Neither of us has spoken since we got to the dinner table. I was wondering if we were forgetting what it was like to act normal. Lucky for us, Aro prattled away about life at Volterra and life in Italy. I was grateful that he was filling the silence. Both Jane and Chelsea were quick to respond to anecdotes and the rest of us were simply an audience to this display. Strangely I felt at home. It was almost comforting.

Once we had finished our meal Aro turned his conversation towards the topic of Edward and me.

"Chelsea, did you know that Edward and Alice both posses very powerful gifts?"

She looked at Edward with complete fascination. "Really? Do tell."

"Our Edward here can read people's thoughts."

She smirked, and whatever she was thinking made Edward looked abashed. Clearly pleased with her power over my brother she turned to me.

"And Alice! What gift do you possess?"

"I have visions of the future."

"Can you tell mine?"

I looked into my mind and saw Edward clearly slamming a door in her face. He smiled at the visual. It was probably a lot different than whatever she was imagining. I thought it best to tread lightly. "It seems you will be getting acquainted with my brother here." As she grinned and Edward frowned, I said in my head, _she doesn't need to know the details._

During our little exchange Aro got up from his chair and came over to me. He put his hand on mine as he spoke to Chelsea. "Alice is very talented in deed. In fact Alice, could you humour us by revealing any more visions? Say …of your old coven?"

Now I understood. This dinner was a ruse. He wanted to use me to spy on Carlisle. I wished he wasn't holding my hand, because I knew anything I saw he would be privy to. I couldn't refuse him. Edward and I would be dead in seconds. I closed my eyes and let my mind roam. I found Carlisle sitting at his desk in a house much like the one we had in Forks. He was reading a novel. Esme was in a room adjacent with floor plan drawings. She was probably looking at another reno project. The vision was completely mundane with the exception of one key element. Both Carlisle and Esme had glowing red irises. I gasped in shock and Edward looked like he had been punched in the gut.

Aro let go of my hand. "Well, it looks like your former family has had a change in philosophy."

I shrugged. What could I say? Clearly our "deaths" had taken its toll. Aro smiled. He looked triumphant. Edward then asked if he and I may be excused; it was the only words he uttered the entire day. Aro nodded then Jane and Alec escorted us back to our rooms.

Once inside my new prettier prison, I changed out of the dress and into a more comfortable outfit I found in the armoire. Shortly afterwards, Edward knocked on my door. He was wearing a matching outfit. I was glad to see him clothed, unchained, with no one else around.

His voice is quiet. "Alice, are you okay?"

"No, but I will be. Are you okay?"

We lay down on the bed together with him holding me. He spoke with his head buried in my hair.

"I've destroyed our family. Carlisle and Esme have turned into murderers. Rose and Emmett are gone. We've suffered so much because of my selfishness."

"Edward, you loved her. I loved her too. What's done is done. There's no point in rehashing the events that brought us here. We need to find a way to escape."

Aro is hoping we will stay here voluntarily. That's why there's no one guarding us. He thinks Chelsea is his assurance that we will stay."

"How can she do that?"

"I read Caius and Marcus' minds. She has the ability to enhance and break emotional bonds. She will make us feel loyalty towards the Volturi so we won't want to leave."

"That explains why I felt so comfortable at dinner. I take it she has her eye on you."

"She does."

"And can her power influence your feelings towards her?"

"She can't break the bond of two mates. Since I am not her mate she can't force a bond that strong if it's not already there. I'm so grateful that she can't seduce me with her power. Her thoughts are disgusting. I can't imagine being with such a creature."

"Can she break the two of us apart?"

"She was trying during dinner. They wanted to test how strong our bond is."

We lay there with his arms around me, and I tried to press my body as close to him as physically possible. It wasn't sexual. He was my brother and being with him gave me a sense of home. I knew there was no way she would be able to break us apart. Reading my thoughts, he kissed my head. I searched through my visions to see what this would mean for us. I kept having the same vision of us in cloaks gliding through a forest. I looked up at Edward. "What do you think it means?"

"I don't know. Have you tried to see anyone else?"

I knew who he was talking about and was grateful he refrained from saying his name out loud. I search inside my head but I saw nothing. "Maybe he's really dead? I'm not getting anything."

After that we remained on the bed in silence as we contemplated our new circumstance. We both have had way too much to mourn; the loss of our loves and the loss of our family; the inevitability that our fate lied here within the walls of Volterra serving Aro. I felt resigned.

* * *

A/N: It's probably not what people were anticipating. Feel free to blast me.


	26. Chapter 26 Demons and Angels Become One

March 18, 2011

A/N: This is by far my longest chapter. I'm trying to keep the storyline moving along at a decent pace, so I'm doing some heavy editing and combining chapters where I can.

* * *

**BPOV **

I love Jasper with every ounce of my being. I knew he had issues with his past. _Hell, I had Issues with his past._ I just didn't realize how much it affected his sense of self worth. After our fight and make up session I feel like we were more a part of each other than ever before. Since that night, Jasper has been a new man. He walks around with his shirt off more, much to my delight. He seems happier. He jokes around more. It was like a dark cloud lifted. His humour is so contagious we can't help but laugh all the time. It brightened my spirit and helped lift the depression that would sometimes haunt me at night.

Being a vampire was not as easy as I anticipated. My throat constantly burned. I was flooded with emotions, sights, smells, thoughts. Sometimes it seemed too much to bear. As a human I could cry myself to sleep. Crying would be an outlet and sleep would give me some respite. As a vampire, there is no rest and the outlet is to become a blood drinking monster. It felt like I was in a constant struggle. Jasper's ability to calm my emotions helped a great deal, but I couldn't rely on them forever. I needed to find my own control.

When he told me about his friends Peter and Charlotte visiting, and Peter's declaration that I had a "shield" power, I was grateful for the news. It gave me something to focus on besides not finding a town of people to drain. I remember the pain on Jasper's face when he couldn't feel my emotions and I didn't want to do that to him again. Seeing him in pain was enough to bring me to my knees. He's experienced so much bad in this existence. I didn't want to add to it. I've been practicing while he's near; trying to encompass both of us in it, so we can still feel each other, but everything else gets blocked out. I like the idea of the two of us in our own little bubble. It makes me feel safe. Meeting Peter and Charlotte was making me excited and nervous. I knew that Jasper thought of them as his real family. Even though the Cullens were his family too, they weren't there during his darkest years. Peter and Charlotte were the ones that brought him out of that life. It was understandable that his connection to them would be as deep as it was with Alice. I only hoped that they would accept me as readily as Jasper has.

_**A few Days Later**_

**BPOV**

I was in a moment of self reflection in the kitchen when the unfamiliar scent of other vampires hit me. _Oh _crap... the voice in my head mimicked Carol Anne in Poltergeist..._they're here!_ I could see it in my head. His friend Peter would take one look at me and say to Jasper, "this is what you're wasting your time on?" Or alternatively they would simply convince him that life is much better when feeding on humans then he would leave me here alone and go back with them. I was so lost in thought it barely registered that he had entered the room.

"Darlin, I can't feel you anymore. It'll be okay. I promise." He was pressed up against my back, his strong hands wrapped around me. He was trying to be comforting, but all I could think about was how lost I would be when he realises that I'm not worth it and leaves me to go back with his real family. I didn't say anything. I didn't move. I was just trying to stay in this moment, remembering his touch, his smell, everything I could in case I ever had to let him go. It was irrational, but I wasn't in a rational mood.

There was a light knock on the door and I immediately tensed. _Here goes nothing._

"Darlin, I'm going to answer the door. Will you be alright?"

I nodded – unconvincingly.

He kissed my head and then the scar on my neck trying to comfort me, then left to go answer the door. I felt an empty void the moment his arms left me. _You're being paranoid and stupid. _Jasper opened the door and warmly greeted our guests. _That's right! OUR guest! So stop being retarded._

A beautiful baritone voice filled our cabin. "So, where is the girl that has mended your non-existent heart?" His voice was light hearted and jovial. I wanted to just let go of the ball of nerves inside me and act normal, but I wasn't quite ready yet. My bubble was about the burst due to the intrusion of these people. I realised the last time I let anyone new into my life was when I met Edward and his family. My irrational behaviour still came from Edward abandoning me. When was I going to let it go? _Right now damn it! _I stood up, plastered a welcoming smile on my face and made my way out of the kitchen to meet Jasper's family. I stepped out to the living room where the three vampires turned to face me. All three were smiling and Jasper had a look of relief on his face as he spoke.

"Peter, Charlotte, I would like you to meet Bella."

I smiled at my guests and gave a little wave. "Hello. Thank you for coming."

Charlotte took a couple steps forward. She had a great big smile on her face, and I couldn't help but be put at ease by her enchanting nature. She had a mess of long golden curls. Even though she was only about five foot three inches tall, you couldn't mistake her for a girl. Nope. Charlotte was definitely all woman. She had huge breasts, a tiny waist, and curvy hips. She had the figure of a miniature Marilyn Monroe. "Bella, we are so pleased to meet you. This is really going to be a fun stay. I can't wait to get to know you and fill you in on all of the Major's exploit's."

Jasper groaned and whined like an eight year old. "Okay, okay. Now Charlotte, you're going to ruin my man of mystery persona that I've been perfecting."

It was Peter's turn to pipe in. "Man of mystery? I'm sure my girl over here is way too smart to fall for that load of horse dung. Bella, you ain't buying the Major's bullshit are ya?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Not a chance, but don't let him in on it. It might bruise his ego."

Peter patted Jasper on the shoulder, "yep, looks like she's got you pegged alright. I'm sure we'll all get along just fine. Why don't you two gals get situated. Jasper, you can show me the lay of the land. Charlotte and I will follow your diet while we're here, so I guess I better get used to it now."

I helped Charlotte with the bags and she followed me towards the guest bedroom. I placed the bags I was carrying at the foot of the bed and turned to face her. "I really do want to thank you. I'm sure this is just as hard for Jasper, and he could use all the support."

"Ah sugar. That man loves you. He is lit up brighter than a Christmas tree and I can honestly say, I've never seen him better."

"It's really nice of you to say that Charlotte. I only hope I bring him half of happiness that Alice brought him."

"Bella, he loved Alice. He really did. But believe me when I tell you that after just five minutes of walking through that door, I can tell that what you two share is deeper than any love that Jasper has ever experienced."

I found it hard to believe that she could sense that after only five minutes. After all, I saw with my own two eyes the deep connection that Jasper shared with Alice. She was his world and vice versa. "Did you know Alice well?"

"Can't say that I did. Alice did not approve of Jasper's association with Peter and me. Jasper would never turn his backs on us, but she made it clear that we were not welcome."

"This is not the Alice I knew. She welcomed me with open arms. I can't imagine her being anything less than hospitable with anyone."

"You have to understand that to Alice, we represented a life that she wanted Jasper to forget. The fact that we lived a life of violence and still hunted humans, made her weary of us. She wanted Jasper to move on with his life and that meant giving up everything associated with his past."

"Aren't you afraid, I would be the same way? Alice was my best friend. I was human. "

"My Pete has a way of knowing things, and he knows that you will not only love us every bit as Jasper does, but he knows that you would never try to make Jasper into something that he's not. I'm not saying that Jasper needs to give up hunting animals, but we know that you are okay with letting him come to terms with his past instead of burying it."

I had this overwhelming need to hug her and she reciprocated as I put my arms around her tiny bubbly frame. She was the first person other than Jasper I have touched since my change and it felt all very new to me. She smelled like apples and cinnamon.

"You know, my human life was very empty. The only people really in it were my mother, father, Jake, and then later Vanessa. Now I feel surrounded by all of these people who love me and want to take care of me. It's strange. It's like I needed to die in order to find life."

"I know that adjusting to this life can be hard, but as long as you focus on all the good things, it will make dealing with your new existence easier. We've all been there and we will do whatever we can to help you through this time."

After our little moment, I helped Charlotte unpack and she gave me some juicy stories on Jasper's more colourful exploits. It was light and comfortable. It was nice having a girlfriend to talk to again, although it also made me miss Vanessa terribly.

**JPOV**

I love the feeling of a loaded rifle in my hand. It's smooth sleek surface, the weight of it, the feeling of my finger on the trigger. Even though our bodies are killing machines there is something about holding a weapon that makes you feel empowered. It reminded me of my days in the civil war, which brings back a touch of nostalgia. With our heightened senses, target practice is a bit too easy, but it was still nice to be out with my brother, goofing around as we try and one up each other. Somehow, I think that Peter came out here for more than just shooting and hunting.

"So, are you going to tell me what you thought of Bella?"

"Man, she's hot. She's clearly all woman. She brings out the best in you. What's more to tell."

That was it for the sentimental talk. Peter isn't one to waste time with lengthy drawn out conversations on life and love. If he didn't like her he would have said so. Knowing he accepted her put me more at ease. Things were tough between the two of us while I was with Alice. I hoped this go around would bring us back to where we were when it was just the three of us against the world.

"That's all I need to know. Are you ready to try out a couple deer for dinner?"

"Ugh! I still don't know how you drink this shit. I guess when in Rome."

"Yeah, Yeah. I know it's not the most satisfying meal, but beggars can't be choosers and Bella does not want to go down that path, and for that matter, neither do I. After being with her as a human, I just don't think I could go back to it. I think it would just make me picture my greatest fear, which was killing her."

"I know she's seen your scars, but has she seen the God of War in action yet?"

"Nope. I thought I'd wait till we had company. It's a lot to digest."

"She's a tough cookie. I think she can handle it. Although, I think it would be best if she witnesses it in a controlled environment."

"What do you have in mind?"

"You wanted us here to help train her. I think she could use a little demonstration. You versus me, with her and Charlotte as the audience. Charlotte can keep her calm, and you can let go a bit, while still keeping enough control not to kill me. It will be like back in the old days when we trained together."

"I can't hide it from her forever. Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Dude, I'm just hoping you haven't gone all soft on me. I wouldn't want to embarrass you in front of your girl."

"That'll be the day."

_**Next Day**_

**BPOV**

Jasper and Peter were in a clearing about hundred and fifty yards away from the cabin. Both men had their shirts off and standing at opposite ends of the corner. I put my shield up and Jasper was looking at me apprehensively.

I walked over to him and put my hands on both of his cheeks. "I love you. You know that don't you?"

"Bella, are you sure you want to see this? It's not pretty."

"It will be good for me to see two pros. You can't shelter me forever. I've put up my shield, because if we ever face a real battle, I will probably have it up. It's important that I don't distract you with my emotions."

"Just promise me that if I do lose control out there, you will run. Don't do anything stupid and try to snap me out of it. Just run like your life depends on it, because trust me it does."

"Duly noted Major. Now show me what all the fuss is about."

I stepped aside and took my place beside Charlotte. We were about fifty yards away from the men, but with my perfect vision, I could see every line of muscle and every eye movement they made. Charlotte took hold of my hand and gave it a light squeeze in assurance.

Suddenly Jasper's eyes went pitch black. It wasn't the normal black irises that come with hunger or lust. The white parts of his eyes were replaced with a black void. The way his mouth curled into a snarl and his arms came up ready to fight, it was clear that all rational thought was out the window. He was nothing more than a killling machine at the moment.

Peter on the other hand was almost playful. It was like a child taunting a raging bull. He went to strike first as he darted towards Jasper ready with a foot outstretched to kick him in the chest. Jasper easily moved out of the way and somehow managed to fling Peter towards a tree, which brought the huge redwood crashing down. Suddenly both men were at each other. They were moving so fast the human eye wouldn't be able to see their arms as they traded blows. Peter wasn't going down easy. He managed to dodge some of Jasper's punches and land a few of his own. All the while Jasper was snapping his teeth trying to reach for Peter's neck.

Charlotte and I were now holding on to each other for dear life as we watched in horror. Even though she had clearly seen Jasper fight before, she was not immune to his viciousness. Peter was still putting up a good fight until Jasper managed to pin him to the ground. Jasper was about to go for Peter's neck when I let out a scream. My scream distracted him enough that he looked up at me with his vacant eyes. He looked ready to lunge at me, when Peter managed to get out of his grip and throw him across the field into a boulder. Jasper let out a huge roar and ran towards Peter for another attack. By then my nerves had enough and I couldn't keep my shield up any longer. When I let it down, I could feel the rage inside Jasper. I'm sure it was what fuelled Peter to keep going. I was surprised that Charlotte hadn't succumbed to it yet. Sensing that I was losing control, she tightened her grip on me. For a little thing, she was surprisingly strong. As I struggled to get out from under her grip, Jasper had Peter pinned again, but this time Peter gave Jasper an odd look and then just smiled. Next thing I know Jasper was curled up into a ball in the middle of the field, completely still and Peter was walking over to us like he just had a stroll in the park.

I looked at him dumbfounded as I spoke "What the fuck just happened?"

"You looked like you were going to lose it, and I knew Charlotte wouldn't be able to hold you off much longer with your newborn strength, so I ended our session."

"Jasper was ready to rip your throat out just now. How did you end it?"

"Jasper and I have an odd connection. I just reminded him that he was fighting his brother and he stopped."

"I didn't hear you say anything."

"I didn't have to. He felt my love for him. It was enough to bring him back. It always is"

"So, you were never in danger?"

"There's always the risk that I can't bring him back. It has yet to happen though."

I contemplated his words. He was so sure of himself. He was so sure of Jasper. The faith he had in Jasper could only be explained as love. I was suddenly very awed by Peter, and very proud of Jasper. It's true, he was completely terrifying, but knowing that he could still feel Peter's love for him and suddenly be brought back from his darkness was astounding.

Charlotte gave me a soft kiss on the cheek. "Go to him sugar. He needs you now."

I walked over to Jasper vaguely aware that Peter had flung Charlotte over his shoulder and was carrying her back to the house. As I approached him I could feel an overwhelming sense of fear, shame, and remorse. I crouched over him and buried my head between his shoulder blades as I mumbled against his skin. "I love you no matter what. I'm still here and I'm not going anywhere." As I spoke I projected my feelings of love towards him. He didn't move or even acknowledge my presence. I began stroking his golden locks of hair as I placed light kisses along his spine. We stayed like that for hours. Day turned into night and my hand never strayed from stroking his hair, and my lips never left the comfort of his skin. I vowed to stay there for decades if I had to in order to bring Jasper back to me.

By morning Jasper was ready to come out of his shell.

"Bella?"

"Yes my love."

"Why are you still here?"

"I'm here because you're here. I love you and I need you. It's just nice to know that there are times when you might need me too."

"I always need you."

"Then I'll always be here."

He slowly unwrapped himself to lie on his back and pulled me towards him enveloping me in his arms as well as his love.

"I hate that you had to see me like that. I hate even more that you will have to see it again."

"Well, the God of War thing makes much more sense now. When you looked up at me with those vacant eyes, I'm not gonna lie, I was scared of you. That doesn't mean that I love you any less. It just means that I need to know what I can do to bring you back to me if you ever get that way. Peter told me it was his love for you that brought you back. Knowing that makes me deeply proud of you Jasper. It means in spite of your demons your humanity still exists. My Jasper is still inside."

"What if one day my demon kills my spirit?"

"That could never happen."

"Never is a long time for a vampire. We tend not to view things so absolute. Just promise me that you will do whatever it takes to stay safe. Even if it means killing me."

I held on to him tighter as he made that last statement. "Don't you know my life isn't worth living without you in it? You are not going to try and kill me, and I am not going to try and kill you. But if it makes you happy, if I ever feel I can't bring you back, I'll run like hell."

He didn't say anything. He just kissed my brow and held me tightly to him. We stayed like that until night fell yet again. Peter and Charlotte never ventured out to find us. I guess Peter's "intuition" knew that we need to be alone. I held him tight to me as I broke the silence. "You know, when I was with Edward, no matter how much I loved him, I knew it was never meant to be."

He didn't say anything, so I continued. "He was so perfect, so beautiful. I was in complete awe. Here I was this plain-Jane girl who no one ever gave a second glance at, and there is this Greek god who seems to be enthralled with me. I thought he must have had some sort of mental lapse, and one day he would snap out of it and I would be alone and completely crushed." _Which is what inevitably happened._

"Edward did not have any mental lapse. In fact I think our family would safely say that he had a mental lapse before and you were the one to bring him out of it. He loved you more than life itself."

"I know now you're right, and it's something that I never truly grasped until it was too late. All my misconceptions about Edward are the same misconceptions you have about me. You keep waiting for me to snap out of some sort of mental lapse. I'm not crazy Jasper. I'm just in love with you and there is nothing you can do to make me stop loving you."

**JPOV**

It's disgusting to say, but part of me likes the demon. I feel completely free as I give way to its instincts. The anger and rage that I bury deep inside me gets a chance to unleash and the only thing that matters is satisfying my craving for death. I haven't seen my friend since I left Maria. It was like welcoming an old friend. I didn't see Peter. I saw a potential kill. I didn't see Bella. I saw potential to destroy. Somehow Peter has a way of bringing me back. I don't know how he does it, but it's like a switch and suddenly I can feel the demon retreating back inside the depths of my mind. It hisses and snarls at being sent away, but it always slithers back. When I was in the southern armies, the aftermath was horrible. Suddenly all the pain and suffering I caused would flood into my mind making me feel like I was going crazy. The only way to quell the flurry of emotions was to give in to my base desires of feeding and sex.

Now I have this crazy, sexy woman who's willing to bring me back to my senses each time I turn into a monster. Who loves me even though I looked at her with evil in my eyes. Even after she told me nothing I could do could make her stop loving me, the demon hadn't fully retreated. It licked the recesses of my brain as it told me to take what I want. To take her. I needed to quiet the beast. I needed to feel her love for me inside and out. I needed to release the tension that had built up inside men and I needed to release that tension inside of her.

I rolled over so I was now on top of her. I pushed my arousal into her thigh so she knew what I was after. Her breathing began to quicken causing her breasts to rise and fall underneath my chest. I could feel her nipples harden through her thin t-shirt as it grazed my chest. Grabbing her hair, I pulled her head back and kissed her hard. It wasn't a loving kiss. It was a kiss full of need and want. I let out a growl underneath my breath and pushed my hips further into her. She was quick to respond by bringing her hands to my hair and started pulling at it as she kissed me back. She too growled in response and hearing the animalistic sound escaping those lips made me feel even heavier with heat. Her clothes were in the way. They were an offensive barrier keeping me from my goal. I ripped the t-shirt to shreds and roughly grabbed at her breasts as I moved my kisses to my favourite part of her neck. The perfect beautiful mounds of flesh were made for my hands and yielded to my touch. I relished her taste on my tongue. It fuelled my desire and need to conquer her. Her hands clawed at my back and she arched into me, trying to fuse our bodies together. I reached down to the waste line of her jeans and I ripped them from her body. My hand moved to her crotch and I rubbed her centre over her cotton panties. Feeling her wetness and smelling her arousal flicked the fire in my loins. I pressed further into thigh and attacked her mouth. She reached down to my own pants and tried to remove them, but I stopped her. I grabbed her wrists and slammed them on the ground above her head. A flash of anger and frustration crossed her face. Her legs were wrapped around my waist holding me like a vice grip. I hovered over her and she stretched her neck in hopes of getting to my mouth, but I couldn't let her win. I needed to dominate her fully. I sat up on my knees and she tried to pull me back to her, but I held her hands firmly and growled.

"Keep your hands over your head Isabella."

"That's not fair Jasper." She was panting heavily as she growled back at me.

"Oh Darlin', no one said I played fair, and tonight I'm Major to you."

She began to struggle and thrash beneath me. Her desire was palpable. I just slammed her hands back down over her head. This time her anger was replaced with fear.

"Do you understand Isabella?

She nodded.

I was more forceful this time. "I said, DO YOU UNDERSTAND Isabella?"

"Yes I understand" she whimpered.

"Yes I understand what?"

"Yes I understand Major"

I sat up on my knees again. Much slower. This time she kept her hands above her head. She relaxed her legs that were still around my waist. She was still breathing hard and watching the rise and fall of her chest as she lay under me was making me twitch in my jeans. I threw a dose of calm then a heavy dose of lust at her. I could feel her core pulse beneath me. I closed my eyes because I knew what I was about to do to her and if I looked at her it would bring me over the edge. I suddenly brought forth all the lust and desire I had building inside me. She began to cry out in ecstasy and tried to grind her hips into me. Each time she did I sent another wave. The noises were making me crazy. Just as she was about to climax I let myself look at her. Her hands were at her breasts and her head was thrown back as she succumbed to the pleasure. Her orgasm washed over me and settled in my jeans. Instead of giving in to my own desires I snaked my way down to her centre, taking the edge of her cute cotton undies in my teeth and ripping them from her body. She was wet. She was throbbing. She was begging for me to taste her. My tongue darted out and took a tiny lick. She immediately responded to my touch by letting a whimper escape her lips and bucked her hips for me. I did it a second time. This time, a little slower. I let myself savour the taste and sensation against my tip. Her whimpers turned into moans. I did it a third time. This time dipping my tongue inside her. I brought my lips over her nerve centre and pressed into her as my tongue explored. Her moans turned into cries and she brought her hands to my hair. I kept going, letting her get lost in bliss. My own body felt electric. Every sensation, her hands, the grass beneath us, the wind on my back was sending pulses to my dick making me throb and twitch. I couldn't deny myself any longer. I had to be inside her. I had to get release. In a split second my mouth was replaced with my dick at her centre. I waited a moment to let her coat my tip before piercing her hot flesh. She was so wet, so warm, so incredibly tight. The roar in my head was so loud it drowned out any noises coming from the both of us. I rocked my hips and ground into her harder and harder with each thrust. Her lust was hitting me like a battering ram making me drive into her faster. Finally, just at that crucial moment when she gave way to her orgasm I released inside her heaven and said a reverent prayer to god for giving me this gorgeous creature. We were now one.

I looked down at her angelic face and knew life couldn't get any better. She was the most perfect person in the world.

"Darlin, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Knowing that you love me as much as I love you has made me almost the happiest man on earth."

"Almost?"

"Well, you could make me the happiest by becoming Mrs. Bella Whitlock."

"Mr. Whitlock, are you proposing to me as we lay here naked in the middle of the field?"

"I sure am. Bella Swan, will you marry me?"

"Who can say no to a romantic proposal like that? Yes. Jasper Whitlock, I will marry you."

I was too excited. I jumped up and picked her up bridal style.

"Isn't it a little early to be carrying me over the threshold?"

"I am taking you into our house, and into our bedroom, and we are celebrating properly."

"Well my future husband, how can I say no to that."


	27. Chapter 27 Baked Goods and Sour Grapes

Original Post Date - Mar 21, 2011

Re-Post Date - Mar 27, 2011

A/N: I had made an egregious error in this chapter, which I had to correct. Please forgive me.

* * *

**BPOV**

I couldn't quite put my finger on it but making love to Jasper after I said yes to marrying him was different. It was like he wasn't just enjoying the physical act, it was like he was succumbing to the emotional connection between us. I could kiss him all day. Tasting his lips and tongue was like quenching a thirst I didn't know I had. I always knew I wanted to spend eternity with him, but after of being married for decades, I didn't think he would want the formality of a marriage union. He was completed rested and relaxed on top of me. Now that I was a vampire his skin was no longer cool to the touch. In fact I relished the warmth and weight of his body like a security blanket. My legs were still wrapped around him and my fingers twirled a lock of his hair as I held him to me. I could feel his lips brushing lightly over the scar on my neck and it made me so happy that he would find a home at the spot that made me his eternally. I could have lain there forever, but both of us hadn't fed in days and I was ready to speed up my training so I could focus on the next phase of our life together.

"Darlin, I don't think I'm ready to let you go yet." He mumbled against me. The vibrations of his voice made me almost change my mind.

"Well Mr. Whitlock, if you are going to make an honest woman out of me, we better get moving on my training. Besides, I can feel that you are as thirsty as I am."

He reluctantly rolled over and sighed. "Okay, you win. The sooner you're in full control, the sooner I can call you Mrs. Whitlock. I don't think Peter and Charlotte have hunted either. Should we tell them the good news and invite them along?"

We got dressed and met Peter in Charlotte in the living room. I must admit I was thankful I didn't have to knock on their bedroom door. In fact, judging by the noises that were emitting earlier, I had a feeling we weren't the only ones who needed to make a few DIY repairs to bedrooms. It felt so great sharing our good news with people who I would be just as ecstatic. Other than Carlisle and Esme, I had a feeling they would be the only ones who would be genuinely happy for us. I wasn't sure if Charlie and Renee would be happy at the thought of me marrying so young. Jake will be pissed, which could strain my relationship with Vanessa. I shuddered at the thought of Rosalie's reaction. I was starting to feel like making it down the alter was going to be a bit of an uphill battle. I knew Jasper could sense my worry. Instead of thinking the worst he just gave me reassuring smile and gentle squeeze of the hand as we made our way into the woods. Hunting with Peter and Charlotte was fun, because they were new to hunting animals thus they tended to be just as messy and uncoordinated as I was. It made me feel a little less self conscious. Once dinner hour was done we headed back to our place to get cleaned up. Peter and Charlotte originally wanted to leave for a few days to give Jasper and I some time to celebrate, but I insisted that they stay. I was happy. I wanted to share in my happiness and more importantly I wanted to start training on keeping my bloodlust at bay. So instead we popped a movie on and enjoyed one another's company. Afterwards Peter and Charlotte left to go for a walk, and I had some time to bring up my concerns to Jasper.

"Are you ready to talk about what's got you so worried my love?" He smiled as he spoke and pulled me towards him on the couch.

"It's just that Peter and Charlotte are so happy for us, but it made me wonder if we can expect the same warm welcome from everyone else."

"I'm going to guess the answer to that question is no, but that doesn't mean that your family won't come around. Your dad told me that I better take care of. What better way to prove to him that I'm up for the task? As for Jake, well, we're not best friends, but I think he realises that I love you and only want to make you happy."

"and Rosalie?"

"Well, she is a different can of worms, but Emmett loves you and in the end she is a practical person. You're a vampire now. There is no use on dwelling on the past. If I'm happy, she will accept you." He sent waves of love and comfort to me and I couldn't but feel so assured.

"How come you are so calm, cool and collected?"

"Bella, I could never have imagined anyone loving me if they truly saw me for who I am. You not only love me, you still want to commit to me forever. My job now is to be the man you want and need me to be. Nothing and no one will ever come between us."

How could a girl not swoon over those words? All I could do after that was lead him to the bedroom and show him how much I loved him.

**BPOV**

In an effort to control my blood lust Jasper, Peter, and Charlotte set out a little training schedule. First we all drove through the small town. I sat in the back seat with Jasper and Peter on either side of me and Charlotte at the wheel. They rolled down the windows as we passed through the main street and the smell was intoxicating. It wasn't just the scent. It was the combination of physiological responses that had me in a complete state of distress. First there was the scent. It was heaven. It was like stepping into the middle of a bakery. The smell was delicious and heavy. It hung in the air to taunt and choke me. My throat immediately constricted and burst into flames. The burn was stronger than I anticipated. I've been hungry with blood lust before, but the only time I felt such intensity was when I first woke up from my change. My eyes couldn't see anything but the humans around me. I narrowed in on them while my mind calculated all the ways I could maximize the number of potential food sources. I didn't even see them as people. They were food, yummy delicious food. I couldn't hear anything except the clamouring thunder of their heartbeats. The rhythmic sound of circulating blood, ready and mine for the taking. My body was trying to leap out of the vehicle but Peter and Jasper were holding me down firmly. I was ready to rip them both to shreds when I felt a sudden wave of calm wash over me. My symptoms hadn't changed, but I felt like a fog was being lifted and my mind was beginning to clear. I could now register that it wasn't just food outside, but people. I could register the people at my sides weren't just impeding me from getting my prey, they were helping me control my urges. Charlotte never stopped driving. She kept right on going and only stopped when we were safe in the woods. Jasper didn't stop his influence until my body had sufficiently calmed down.

He looked at me with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine now. I'm just surprised at my reaction."

"Your reaction was perfectly normal. It's not easy, but it will get better with time."

"How am I going to be able to get through this? Jasper, there is no way I am going to be able to see my family. I'm going to kill them."

"Darlin, this was your first exposure to human blood. You are only doing what is natural for our kind. I know it was hard, but I promise you won't feel so out of control next time. Now that you've been exposed to humans you can anticipate what will happen and we can modify your behaviour to help you cope."

After that, day after day we practiced. Jasper would take me hunting then the three of us would drive into town. In fact we were hunting so often my eyes were taking on their golden hue at a pretty quick pace. I was thankful because it would be difficult to explain why I was wearing sunglasses inside a car on a cloudy day. At first I simply stopped breathing. Then I would try short shallow breaths while Jasper calmed me. After about a month we were able to drive through town with the windows down and Jasper not holding me down or controlling my emotions. The burn was still there, but I was able to keep my head and not surrender to my senses. As I watched the people go by doing their day to day living, I was getting more and more hopeful that I could integrate back into the world again. Suddenly the car slowed to a halt outside a small park and Jasper turned to me with a grin.

"Would you like to take a stroll with me?"

_Oh shit! I can't do this! _"Jasper, I'm not ready yet. What if I hurt someone?"

"Darlin, I will be right by your side and Peter and Charlotte won't be far behind. I love you. I trust you. You can do this. Just trust me."

I was terrified. If I killed someone I wouldn't be able to live with myself. There were children in the park. What if I harmed a child? He was sensing my feel and concern.

"Bella, I wouldn't bring you out here if you weren't ready. Peter says your ready. We are good. We won't let you fail. I promise."

I sat back in the seat and in a blink of an eye Jasper was opening the car door. I took his outstretched hand and immediately stopped my breathing. I was squeezing Jasper's hand pretty hard and was thankful that my newborn strength was starting to wane. At least I wasn't going to crush his fingers. We stood about thirty yards from a playground and watched a mother pushing her little girl on a swing. The girl had blond pigtails and a pale yellow dress with pink polka dots. They were laughing and looked completely carefree. I was mesmerized by the two of them. It reminded me so much of myself and Renee in Phoenix – just the two of us against the world. I missed her more than ever.

Jasper's breath in my ear was like a feather against skin. "Darlin, tell me what your thinkin' about."

"Watching the two of them reminds me of me and Renee when I was a little girl. I miss her more than I thought I guess."

"How's your blood lust. Are you okay? You seem totally in control."

"Surprisingly, yes. I feel the burn. But the thought of harming these people makes me ill. I don't think of them as food, like I did before."

"Did you want to move closer?"

"No. I don't want to tempt fate. But it's nice to walk around the open with you."

We held hands and walked in silence. Every time someone walked by us, Jasper would squeeze my hand and would lean down to kiss my hair. His comfort would immediately shift my focus away from my discomfort. He was so beautiful. Staring at his amber eyes, chiselled jaw, soft lips and mess of blond curls, I still swooned when I looked at him. We stopped at a little gazebo in the middle of the park and Jasper turned to face me.

He smiled and moved a piece of hair behind my ear. "You're doing so well. I'm so proud of you Bella."

"You know, I'm still in awe of how beautiful you are. I don't think I will ever get used to it."

"I know you're not lying. I'm still amazed that you think of me that way. You are the most beautiful creature inside and out."

He wrapped his arms around me and we were surrounded by our love for one another. We probably looked like any young starry eyed couple to a passerby, but to us it was like holding on to the most precious gem in the universe.

**JPOV**

I stared at the phone contemplating my approach. This was one of the hardest phone calls I've had to make. I took a deep breath and dialled.

"Hey bro! I've missed ya man."

"Hey to you too Emmett. I hear you're in Africa. I bet the hunting's good."

"It's nice to have the variety, but there's no place like home. You know what I mean?

"I do Em. I've really missed you guys. In fact I was hoping to speak to Rosalie. Is she around?"

"She's right here trying to rip my arm off to get to the phone."

I heard a rustle and Rose's voice suddenly rang through. "It's about time you called asshole."

"I missed you too Rose. You're not giving Emmett grey hair are you?"

"As if! If we were human I would be the one worrying about grey hair and lines after putting up with his shenanigans." She moved the phone away from her mouth as she directed her conversation to Emmett. "Go hunt for a couple hours. I need some alone time with J." I'm sure Emmett wanted to grumble, but left wordlessly. Once she was sure he was gone she turned her attention back to me. "Okay, what's going on?"

"Can't I call my favourite Cullen to say hello?"

"Cut the bullshit J. We haven't heard from you in years. Carlisle told us that you went to visit a few months back and all he would say is that you're doing fine. You mind telling me why you would resurface and not call me of all people?"

"Rose, I love you. And I came back because I found out what's going on with the Volturi. I would have called you, but stuff got in the way and I couldn't. I'm calling you now because I have to tell you something and you're not going to like it, but you need to find a way to accept it."

"Fuck. This can't be good. Did you destroy a town? Are you back with Maria?"

"Nothing quite so drastic. I have found someone. Someone that I love and loves me back."

"Okay, so what aren't you telling me? If everything was hunky-dorey you wouldn't be scared shitless to speak to me."

"I fell in love with a human."..._Queue awkward pause_... "and I changed her so we could be together."

"Holy fuck J! I don't know what to say. Kudos for not draining her I guess? When did this all happen?"

"I met her last September and changed her in February."

"I'm sorry, but are you nuts? How do you just meet some chick and say 'Hey I'm a vampire, wanna join the club?' I mean, come on. Did this chick really know what she was getting into? What she was giving up?"

"She did."

"You're deluding yourself Jasper. Any girl in her right mind would have run screaming for the hills. I can't believe I'm asking this, but did you manipulate her emotions to get what you wanted?"

"Rose, you know me better than that. But you're right that any girl other than this girl, probably would have run screaming from me. This girl isn't typical."

"I'm afraid to even ask. What's up with this crazy chick? What aren't you telling me?"

"The girl in question is Bella Swan."

"You have got to be fucking kidding me! I can't deal with this shit."..._click and dial tone. Yep I'm screwed._

I was glad that Peter and Charlotte had taken Bella hunting and a little tolerance training. I was upset and needed to be alone. When I was with the Cullens Rose was the one person who I felt I could be myself with and tell anything to. I hated feeling like I couldn't talk to her. I hated that she was mad at me. To take my mind off things I grabbed Peter's rifle for some shooting practice. I was out there for a couple hours when my phone rang again.

"Rose?"

"Apparently we are coming for a visit."

"You are?"

"Yes. I relayed the events to Emmett and he insisted." _Oh my god! When did Emmett grow a pair?_

"Rose, I don't want you to be mad at me. If you come you need to be nice to Bella. She's still new and even though she's doing okay, I'm afraid of what the added stress will do to her. You both mean a lot to me. I just want you to try for me."

"I will be on my best behaviour, but you have A LOT of explaining to do. You can choose to do it before or during our visit."

I told her and Emmett everything. I thought it would give her time to adjust as well as be easier for Bella when they arrived. Emmett was quite excited, but there was only a stony silence from Rose's end. By the end of it Emmett assured me they would be here in about a week. Now I just had to break it to Bella.

**BPOV**

Today was the day that Emmett and Rosalie were supposed to arrive and I was a nervous wreck. I was never more thankful for the presence of Peter and Charlotte. They took me into town and worked to ensure my tolerance was almost as good as any of the Cullens. Jasper was working on overdrive to keep me calm, but the thought of Rose makes me shudder. _I'm sure she will rip me to shreds if Emmett doesn't hold her back in time. _

Sitting in the living room with a book in hand, I could hear their truck long before they arrived. I was curled up against Jasper on the couch and he gave me a soft kiss in my hair and a dose of calm to reassure me.

"Darlin, I promise this will be fine. You'll see. Besides, Emmett is dying to see you and I'm sure you can't wait to see him."

"Logically, I know you're right. Emotionally, I want to hide under my bed." With a sigh I grabbed his hand and got off the couch. "Might as well get this over with. Like ripping off a band-aid."

Peter and Charlotte joined us on the porch as the Ford F150 pulled up in front of the house. Emmett came barrelling out of the truck and was headed straight towards me. My mind was saying don't worry he's only happy to see you, but my instincts were screaming "attack". When he came within range I landed a roundhouse kick which sent him flying a hundred yards into a tree. _Doh! _I didn't know what else to do so I just yelled in his direction "Sorry Em! Newborn strength and nerves are not a good combination."

He just laughed and yelled back "No worries Bella. My bad."

From my left I heard Rosalie's voice. "Well at least you're not as soft as you used to be."

I turned to face her. She was as lovely as ever. More so than I remembered, since my last mental image of was her was etched in my brain with the flawed eyes of a human. Her long blond hair slightly shimmered as it lightly danced with the wind. Her nose was from a perfect renaissance sculpture and her lips held a slight pout with a pink hue. The only thing that could distract a person from her perfect face was the perfect swimsuit model body that accompanied it. To say I was awed, humbled, and completely intimidated was an understatement. _Don't let her see you sweat!_

"Hello Rose. It's good to see you."

"Oh Bella! Even in your new form you're still a terrible liar." Her voice had that hint of fake cheeriness and distaste.

I chose to ignore it. "Why don't I show you your room, while the boys get reacquainted?" She raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything as she followed behind me with her suitcases. Clearly she was surprised that I had grown a bit of a backbone. It also didn't escape my notice that Jasper gave her a look of warning as we passed by him and she reciprocated that with a look of acquiescence. I couldn't help but see the parallel to Edward and Alice's relationship, a thought which stabbed at my heart just a little bit.

I let her up stairs and to the third and final bedroom of the cabin. It was unfortunate that it was the one in the middle of the hall, since Peter and Charlotte had already grabbed the furthest room from ours. _Oh well! It's only a short visit. _

"This is your room. Please feel free to make yourself comfortable."

She placed her suitcases in the door way, made her way to the centre of the room as she took in her surroundings. I waited as she contemplated what she was going to say to me. It was clear she had something on her mind and was probably trying to find a way to say it in the most tactful manner.

"Jasper seems happy. It's clear he's over Alice."

"I don't think anyone could ever really be over Alice. She was truly a special person and one of a kind."

"Is that the same for Edward? Or have you forgotten about the so-called love of your life."

"I wish I could say that I don't have to justify my feeling for Jasper to you, but clearly you mean something significant to him, which means I do. Edward left me. I was a mess. I pieced some semblance of a life together for my family, but it was Jasper who made me live again. Do I miss them? I do, but that doesn't mean I would trade Jasper for anything. I'm here to stay Rose. You're just going to have to deal with it."

"I don't know what magical spell you seem to hold over the men in my family, but I do know I can kick your ass, newborn or not. As long as Jasper is happy, you and I won't have a problem. You mess with him, you deal with me."

"Message loud and clear. I'll keep Jasper happy, and you'll lay off me."

There were no hugs and kisses. I simply turned on my heels and left her in the room. We said our peace and laid down the rules. I returned to my future husband's side and gave him a kiss to let him know that everything was okay. The two women in his life may not be best friends, but at least we both loved him enough to tolerate one another.


	28. Chapter 28 Breaking the News

Mar 27, 2011

A/N: I am terribly sorry for taking so long to post this chapter. I was encountering an error message and thanks to a reviewer, I am back up an running. Thank you VSPS - you are my hero!

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**JPOV**

The summer was ending, Peter and Charlotte left with Rose and Emmett for Montana, and it was time for Bella to return from our back-packing trip in Europe. She was nervous, as was I. We had to find a way to show Bella to Charlie without actually telling him what we were. If the Volturi found out that we let a human know of our existence they would surely use that as an excuse to annihilate us. I didn't have a plan. My military experience didn't prepare me for dealing with the father of the woman I loved. At this point I figured I would just wing it. I looked at Bella as she stared at the computer screen. Her brow was creased with worry and she was clearly apprehensive.

"Charlie wants to know what day I'm coming home so he can pick me up at the airport. What should I tell him?"

"Tell him you're coming back the first week of September. We'll show up a week earlier to surprise him. At least that way you'll have more control over his reaction, as opposed him being surprised at your appearance at the airport. Not to mention being trapped in a car with him for the two hour ride back. Between your nerves and the fact you're still new in your control, I wouldn't suggest a happy airport reunion."

She nodded in agreement and typed out her response. There was no need to acknowledge out loud her fear of telling Charlie and Renee that she was engaged. I could only hope that I would somehow be able to minimize her parents' wrath.

_**A Few Days Later**_

**JPOV**

Of course when we got to Forks it was raining. Instead of going to Bella's house I took her to the Cullen house. It would give her some time to gear up for her task. Because the house held so many memories for both of us I didn't think it appropriate for us to stay in either mine or Edward's room. Even though they were gone, Edward and Alice's presence still lingered. There was a small two storey cottage just behind the house that Esme was originally going to turn into an art studio. It was in need of some serious repair, but it's not like we needed creature comforts. It was already sparsely furnished, which was all we required.

As soon as we made ourselves comfortable on the sofa, Bella dialled Jake. With my hearing abilities I didn't have to guess what they were talking about.

"Hey Jake, we're here."

"Have you figured out what you're going to say to Charlie yet?"

"Nope. Now would be a good time to share if you have an idea."

"Actually I do. You can't tell Charlie what you are, but that doesn't mean I can't. I thought I could tell him at La Push."

I must admit the idea had merit. Charlie loved Jake like a son. The news coming from Jake might be a bit more palatable. She looked at me waiting for my reaction and let her know I thought it was a good idea. She and Jake worked out the details, and it was decided that Jake would have Charlie visit the reservation tomorrow. When the call ended she curled up next to me on the couch. I kissed her left hand as I felt her apprehension.

"I think it would be best if we wait to tell Charlie about our engagement. No need to give him two heart attacks on the first day."

"I couldn't agree more."

**BPOV**

I met Jake at La Push in the morning.

He gave me a hug when he reached me. It wasn't tentative. It was like old times. The only difference was he smelled REALLY bad.

"Jake?"

"Yeah Bells?"

"You really smell. What the heck?"

He let me go and chuckled. "I was so thinking the same thing. I guess things are kind of different now that you're a vampire."

"Are you still upset with me for changing?"

"I'm just so glad to see you, and so glad you're you. I just don't care anymore."

I had to hold my breath and give him another big hug. "I love you so much."

A very pregnant Vanessa gave me a tear filled hug as she spoke.

"You still look like you. I was afraid you would be too different."

"I'm still me. I was afraid of that too. I'm just so glad to be here. You and Jake have done so much for me. I just hope one day I'll be able to repay you both."

"Don't be silly. We love you. You're family. Once we get through to Charlie and you and Jasper are married, you'll be home free and we can laugh at how silly our worries were."

"I wish I had your optimism. Unfortunately this thing with the Voluturi may not end in our favour."

"Well, let's just take one obstacle at a time shall we? Hopefully the small wins will lead to bigger ones."

Vanessa and I waited in her bedroom for Charlie to arrive. Jake was going to try something first and just told me to listen in for his cue. I was on pins and needs when Charlie walked through the door.

"Hey Jake, I brought some beers over for the game."

"That's great Charlie. Before the game starts I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

"Sure, is everything okay with you and Vanessa? There's nothing wrong with the baby is there?"

"Everything is great. I just wanted to let you in on something. Can we go outside for a sec?"

"Sure Jake. You know I'm here for anything you need."

Jake and Charlie went out to the yard and Vanessa and I peeped out window to see what Jake was up to. That was when we saw Jake transform into a werewolf in front of Charlie's eyes. He was white as a sheet. I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head. I was so transfixed on Charlie I didn't see Vanessa run out there with a robe. It looked like Charlie was trying to warn her away from Jake, but she simply draped the robe over Jake so he could phase back and have some coverage.

Jake walked inside the house and Vanessa led a stunned Charlie inside after him.

"Jake, do you mind telling me what the heck is going on here? That was some kind of trick."

"Charlie, I had to show you what I really am. I need you to understand that the world you know contains things you cannot imagine. I need you to have an open mind."

"So you're telling me you can really change into a wolf? That was for real?"

"Yes Charlie. I'm telling you that I and others here at La Push are werewolves. We're not dangerous. But we are more than just human."

"Well crap! That's a lot to think about. How long has this been going on?"

"Our tribe has had this trait for generations. For me, it's been about four years now. It's important that you can accept me for who I am."

"Jake, you know you're like a son to me. I don't care what you are as long as you're still the good kid I've always known. My only question is, why tell me now? "

"You're right. I do have a reason. That reason is Bella."

"Bella? Why? What's wrong with Bella? Is she a werewolf too?" Charlie looked panic stricken.

"No Charlie. Bella has changed. I can't tell you exactly how she's changed, but you have to trust me that she is still you're daughter."

Charlie's voice was shaking. He was expecting the worse. "Jake you better spit it out right now. What is wrong with my little girl?"

"Bella, I think you can come out now."

I stepped into the tiny living room. My movements were slow and deliberate. There was no blood thirst. My love and fear for Charlie negated any potential harm. He looked at me similar to the wide eyed stare he gave Jake earlier. "Um...hi Char...Dad."

"Bella? You're supposed to be in Europe. What happened to you? You look so different?"

"I've changed some Dad. I can't explain why, but I hope you can still accept me."

He was staring at me VERY hard as he spoke. "You look like _them_"

I didn't need a definition for _them_, I was cautious as I spoke. "That's right. I do."

"So you're saying that Jasper did this to you?"

"He didn't do this to me Dad. I love him and I did what I had to do to be with him."

Charlie did not look happy. "So what are you? Jake's a werewolf, and what? You're a vampire?"

_Who would have thought he'd guess it? _I was silent. Charlie looked mighty grave as he took my silence as an affirmative to what was supposed to be a joke.

"I think I need to sit down." I gently took him by the arm and led him to the sofa. He just stared at my hand which was touching him.

"You're cold."

I didn't see the point in acknowledging the obvious. "I'm still your daughter Dad. Please let me know you're okay with this?"

"How can I be okay with this? You're my baby girl. I don't want to lose you."

"You haven't lost me. I'm still you're Bells." I knelt beside him on the floor and he pulled me into a hug.

"What are we going to tell your mother?"

"I'll figure it out. I just don't want to lose you."

"Hey, I'm your dad. You will always be my girl no matter what. I just don't want you to regret your choices. I just hope this guy is worth it."

"He's worth it Dad."

Charlie looked sceptical but didn't say anything. Jake came in at the right moment with an open beer and said the game is starting. The four of us then just sat there for two hours watching the basketball game like the preceding twenty minutes never happened. It was times like this that I wish I had Edward's ability to read minds. Charlie sat transfixed on the screen, but not really watching what was on. He didn't look at me. I took it as a bad sign. When the game was over Charlie stood up and grabbed his jacket that was hanging off a chair.

At the front doorway he turned to Jake and we all just sat there staring at him.

"Well, I guess it's time to go home. You comin' Bells?"

Shock...disbelief...relief... "Yeah Dad. Let me grab my bag from Jake's room."

Again, in slow deliberate movements I made my way to Jake's room. Jake followed me in and gave me a look of concern. "Bella, are you going to be okay with Charlie? I love and trust you, but if you think there's even the smallest chance that you can't handle it, I don't want to put Charlie in danger."

"I know you're just trying to do what's right, and I'm glad you're here to look out for Charlie. Don't worry, we'll be fine. I just can't believe after all of that he seems okay. It seems too good to be true."

"Like father like daughter I guess."

As I walked to the cruiser with Charlie, I quickly texted Jasper about the latest developments and got in. We still hadn't really looked each other in the eye and I was terrified that at some point the news was going to sink in and he was going to have a heart attack right beside me. I could hear his heartbeat and it kept at a steady rhythm. Just the fear of his reaction was staving off any bloodlust that may occur. We drove in silence and he got out of car without a word, grabbing my bag from the back seat. _No need to tell him I could carry both him and the bag with one arm tied behind my back into the house._

"Can I make you a coffee Dad?"

"Uh..sure why not."

Just the simple act of making coffee in the kitchen helped calm my nerves. It reminded me of old times. I gave Charlie the cup and poured a cup of boiling water for myself to hold on to. Charlie just stared at his cup. We sat in silence for a couple minutes then he just started to talk. His voice cracked as he held back the tears.

"Bella...I...I...Just don't know what to say or what to think about all this? I can see your right in front of me. I can hear your voice. But it's like this is some horrible nightmare."

"I'm sorry Dad. I wish I could do something to make this easier. I wish there was something that I could say to make you understand. In so many ways I'm different, but in all the things that matter I'm the same. I still love you, and mom, and Jake. I still want to be a part of your life. I hope you want that too, but I understand if you can't."

"Ever since you went back to Seattle with Jasper after the wedding, you barely called. I was starting to think that you no longer needed your old man. Now I know it was because of "this" He motioned his hands up and down toward me as he said _this._

"I couldn't call you. Not until I knew I could handle it. I missed you. When I did talk to you I was heartbroken every time I hung up the phone because I knew there was a chance I was going to lose you." I put my mug down and held his hand. At least the water warmed my hands so I wasn't so cool to the touch. "I will always need you. But I'm not going to force myself on you if this is too much."

He ran his fingers though his hair with his free hand. "I need you too. It'll take some getting used to, but I'll deal."

After that he simply got up, kissed me on the forehead and went up to his room. Even from down in the kitchen I heard his soft sobs. It tore me apart, but I knew he didn't want me to see him cry so I stayed downstairs and did the dishes. I waited till I could tell he was asleep before I gave Jasper a call. Hearing his voice immediately put me at ease.

"Hey love. Are you okay."

"No, but I will be. Charlie took it better than expected. By better I mean that I broke his heart, but did not kill him."

"It's better than faking your death. At least you can still be a part of his life. Did you want me to come over?"

"I think I need some time alone. It hurts seeing him like this. Just give me a few days with him and then we will see how it goes."

"I'll be here at the house. Just give me a call when you're ready."

"Thank you Jasper. I know it's hard for you too, being there by yourself. I promise I will try my best not to take too long. I love you."

"Hey, I love your dad too. You take all the time you need."

Before Charlie woke up I made him bacon and eggs for breakfast. It was revolting. It's a good thing I remembered the mechanics of cooking, because the smell of the food wanted to make me hurl. It looked like I hadn't lost my touch because when Charlie came down he devoured everything on his plate like it was his last meal. After he went to work, I started cleaning the house and doing laundry. With my vampire reflexes I was done in record time. Vanessa was kind enough to stop at the grocery store for me and pick up some groceries so I wouldn't have to leave the house. I wouldn't want anyone else in Forks to see the new Bella. When she pulled in the drive way I went out to meet her. I picked up all ten bags from the car and we walked inside together. She chatted about being pregnant while started cooking various dishes that could go in the freezer. She didn't seem to notice the fact I was chopping and stirring at the speed of light. It felt like old times and I was grateful to her for it. She stayed and Jake joined us for dinner. There was no mention of werewolves or vampires. We just treated it like any other day.

The following morning I sat down with Charlie while he ate his pancakes with that expectant look in my eyes.

He just glanced my way and as he took a bite of my pancakes he said "spit it out"

"Um...I was just wondering if you would mind if Jasper came by tonight."

"He's man enough to face me is he?"

"Dad...please don't blame Jasper. This was my choice and I asked him to stay away until I thought you wouldn't try and shoot him."

"I ran out of silver bullets last week."

_Well at least he hasn't lost his sense of humour. _"Please Dad?"

"Yeah, he can come over. I have some questions for him anyway."

I didn't bother asking what those questions were. I'm sure Jasper can hold his own. I just kissed Charlie on the cheek and said thank you as I went up to my room.

**JPOV**

When Bella called to say I could come over tonight and that Charlie had some questions, part of me was shaking in my boots. I loved the guy even though he probably hated me at the moment. I realised that this was probably how Bella felt about Rose. I was trying to think of what kind of peace offering I should bring. What's an appropriate "I turned your daughter into a blood thirsty demon" gift? I settled on a new fishing pole and six pack of beer. _I am so dead! _

Charlie answered the door and had his arms folded. His was feeling angry, tense, and fear, but you wouldn't know it by the look of authority he was giving me. It was definitely Chief Swan answering the door instead of Bella's dad.

"Hi Charlie, I'm so happy you allowed me to come over tonight. I hope you don't mind but a brought you a couple things."

I sounded like a babbling idiot. Charlie just stepped aside to allow me a few inches to pass by him and nodded. I took a seat on the same couch Bella was sitting on, but made sure I was on the opposite end, while Charlie took the chair.

"So Jasper, would you like to explain what exactly you've done to my daughter?"

_Here goes,_ "Well sir, I love your daughter, and she loves me. We did what we needed to do in order to be together."

"And what happens if she changes her mind?"

Bella cut in..."That won't happen dad. I love Jasper. He's the one I want to be with forever."

Charlie ignored her and focused on me. "Um...well sir, I surely hope that doesn't happen because...well...you see...I've asked Bella to marry me and she said yes."

I didn't mean to tell him tonight. I'm sure Bella wanted to wait. But, the way he was staring at me, I couldn't not tell him. _He must be great at interrogation. _I watched as my words sink in. There was anger, relief, fear, happiness. They were so contradictory; I was just praying the positive ones would win out. He then looked at Bella and then turned back to me. Then stood up and paced a few times. He then stopped and just stood over the two of us staring. As he looked on, I took a black velvet box out of my pocket. I slowly got off the couch and moved toward her with one knee. When I asked her to marry me out in the middle of the field, I didn't have a ring yet. I figured this gave me an opportunity to do it right. I opened the box to reveal a three carat marquise cut diamond ring set on a slim platinum band.

"Bella, I know I've already asked, but I wanted to present a ring to you properly before your father. You have brought back the light in my life and love in my heart. I never want to spend a moment without you. I want you to know I will spend every day loving you, taking care of you, and cherishing you. Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

She met me on the floor and put out her hand so I could slip on the ring. As I placed the ring on her finger she looked up at Charlie and then looked up at me and whispered the most beautiful word in the English language – "yes".

We then both looked up at Charlie who had un-fallen tears in his eyes. I held Bella's hand and said to him, "Sir, I know I didn't do the right thing and ask your permission, but I'm here now asking for your blessing. I promised you not long ago that I would never hurt your daughter and that I would keep her happy. This is me keeping my promise." I could feel the love in his heart and it was hard for me not leap up and down for joy.

He gave me a smirk and then said, "What can I say kid, welcome to the family."

We spent another three days in Forks with Charlie. Because he guessed our vampire secret, Bella explained our diet to relieve any concerns he had. He silently took in the information. We didn't tell him about our extra gifts, as we feared that he might have been on information overload. His feelings were all over the map as he tried to process this. I would feel anger, hate, love, relief, regret, sadness, joy. What I found most interesting was that no matter what his feelings to Bella or me were at any given time, he simply acted like everything was okay. Bella was none the wiser to her father's emotional rollercoaster. I was starting to think maybe her shield was an inherited trait. When we left Forks he shook my hand. I could feel his like for me and his weariness at the same time. I was just glad that I would at least I would get a chance to prove to him that I could make his daughter happy.


	29. Chapter 29 Family Ties

Chapter 29 – Family Ties

**JPOV**

Bella was extremely happy as we drove toward Montana. She was able to see Vanessa, she didn't have to give up her human family, and she was about to see Carlisle and Esme. Her thoughts were miles away from the Volturi, even though mine were not. I didn't want to ruin her moment so I just sang to her as we drove along the I-90 E. As we pulled up to the house I noticed Rose and Emmett's cars already parked out front. I'm sure Peter and Charlotte's were around the property somewhere. I'm sure this is the most people that have been in this house ever. Much like my earlier visit Carlisle and Esme were waiting on the porch, but when they saw Bella I don't think even they were prepared for their emotional response. Carlisle was by Bella's side at a lightning's pace. He was holding on to her like she was a life raft as he tearlessly sobbed into her hair. Bella responded by wrapping her arms around him and rubbing his back in a soothing motion. It was the first time I had ever seen Carlisle look so vulnerable. It was a little jarring. The feelings of love, happiness and sorrow were so intense I dropped to my knees. Esme, seeing the effect his emotions were having on me immediately came to my side and brought her arms around me. Eventually he was able to rein himself in and loosened his embrace. His hands rested on her shoulders as he took in the girl before him.

"Bella, I'm so sorry for my outburst. It's just that we all grieved for you. Seeing you here as one of us makes me so profoundly happy. We love you so much."

"I love you too Carlisle. I love both of you so much." She turned to give Esme a hug and the two of them walked arm and arm into the house together.

Carlisle just stood there as if he was paralyzed by his emotions.

I'm sure my face was creased with worry lines as I tried to assess his state. He stared off into the direction of the house as he spoke.

"Jasper I honestly don't know what came over me. I feel like I have lost so much over the past few years and all of a sudden my hopes and dreams have been surmounted. I don't know how I could ever thank you for bringing our family back together. Words can't express what you both mean to me."

I grinned as I put my arm around him. "Well lucky for you, an empath doesn't need words for an explanation. Come on; let's go see what everyone is up to."

We grabbed the luggage and headed inside. Everyone sat around the living room as Bella explained what happened in Forks. All except Rose were hanging on to her every word. With a glance and nod I motioned for Rose to meet me outside and we decided to go out for a quick hunt. Afterwards, we sat back against a rock formation. We sat in silence for about an hour while I waited for her to speak her mind.

"Okay Rose, I know you have something to say. Now would be the time."

"I'm not sure you want to hear what I have to say?"

"When has that stopped you in the past?"

"That was before you went off the deep end and we hadn't heard from you in three years. What do you expect?"

"You're right. I know I have some making up to do. I swear Rose. This time will be different. I just don't want to lose what we have."

"Well first let's start with the whole taking off thing. That wasn't cool. I get that you had to leave. I get that you gave up the lifestyle. What I don't get is why didn't you call me? Did you think I would judge you? Did you think I would care?"

"I couldn't. I hated myself. I hated what I was doing to Alice's memory. But it is one thing to live it and another to say it out loud. I just couldn't. I know it's dumb, but really, I just couldn't say the words out loud."

"I know what you're saying, but it's a cop out and the Jasper that I know has balls too big to tuck them behind his ass. What's done is done. What matters now is that this doesn't happen again."

"It won't. Things are different now. With Bella I'm happy, I feel like I can be myself. I no longer feel self conscious. I've don't feel like I need to hide anymore."

"Yeah, about that. Do you really think that this thing is gonna last? I'm mean really? She may be a vampire now, but she's still Bella. She has no back bone, no opinions of her own, and probably straw from brains. She was supposedly so in love with Edward, and now you're her one and only? Maybe next month she'll off me and take a run at Emmett."

Her tone was very matter of fact, and if anyone else had said it I probably would have rip them apart. The thing about Rose is that she is just saying what's on her mind, and if you ask her opinion you have to take the good with the bad.

"The Bella you knew was not much more than a child. You don't know how much she was truly destroyed by Edward. She was blindly in love with him to the point where maybe her judgement was clouded. Him not being able love her physically and not willing to change her eroded her well before we left. That was just the final nail in the coffin so to speak. When I found her she was almost as broken as I was. The only difference was she was strong enough to turn things around for her family, something that you pointed out I didn't seem to have the balls to do. So to answer your questions and counter your arguments, she is still Bella, but not the same Bella you knew. She has shown more back bone than I did. I can testify that she definitely has opinions of her own and the conviction to stand by them. In her human life she went further in education than any of us when we were human, save Carlisle, so it's likely she has more than straw for brains. She loved Edward as deeply as I loved Alice, thus her ability to love me is no more fickle than my ability to love her. Lastly, I keep her quite satisfied. I'm sure your Emmett's safe."

She contemplated my words. I was glad that she was feeling reassured. Maybe there is hope yet.

She rested her head on my shoulder with her eyes closed.

"I still don't see what's so great about her you know."

"I know you don't. I'm not asking you to."

"Of all the living and dead things on this earth, why did you have to fall in love with her?"

"Rose, we can't help who we're meant to be with. Maybe this was how it was meant to be all along?"

"Do you think Alice is looking down on you from above? What do you think she would say about all of this?"

"I think Alice would have wanted me to be happy. She was always so giving. It's still hard to imagine that she's not in the background somewhere pulling our strings and messing with our fate."

"I'll give you that she didn't act like a doormat when I spoke to her earlier. I forget how time changes humans. It's so different compared to us. Time almost doesn't exist for our kind. For them three years changes their physical state, but also changes their outlook on life and personality."

"Does that mean you'll give her a chance?"

"I guess can try not being a total bitch to her. No promises though."

"I'll live with trying. Now are we going to talk about you?"

"What about me?"

"This Volturi thing must be hard on you. The fact that you and Emmett have been pretty much forced to go on an extended honeymoon..." I made air quotes with my fingers..."must be hard on you. You haven't been away from Carlisle and Esme this long."

"It's been hard. I love Emmett. I don't mind spending every hour of every day with him, but I do miss Carlisle and Esme. I've missed having other people to talk to. I've miss shopping with Alice. Emmett hasn't been the same. There is a sadness in his eyes that I can't seem to get rid of."

Rose sounded lost as she spoke. I knew better than to give her a hug, because she hated the idea of anyone perceiving her as weak. Instead I positioned myself behind her and started combing through her hair with my fingers and skilfully putting it into a braid.

**BPOV**

Jasper and Rose's departure didn't go unnoticed, but no one said anything. Once all the cards were on the table, Peter and Charlotte went to their room. Carlisle and Esme decided to go for a hunt. They were the only ones with red eyes in the room, since the rest of us had been feeding on animals for months. Now that we had such a strong group, they felt safer to return to their natural diet. Emmett was playing video games and I was looking at the screen, but not really watching. I must admit that it bothered me that Jasper took off with Rose. The bond between them was quite evident. Even though I knew Jasper loved me, seeing him this close to someone else made me jealous. Emmett on the other hand seemed completely oblivious, which made me feel even crazier. Since Emmett and I were alone, I thought I would take the opportunity to bring up my feelings.

"Emmett, were Jasper and Rose always this close?"

"Oh, for sure. Rose had a tough time accepting who she is. Jasper had a tough time accepting who he was. Even though they couldn't accept themselves, they could do that for each other. I get it."

"Don't you ever feel jealous of their relationship?"

"Awe, hell no. I love my Rosie, but as you know she can be a handful. I think Jasper helps her vent and lets her say things on her mind that she might not be able to talk to me about."

"But if you two are in love, shouldn't you be able to talk about everything?"

"There are days that Rose wishes Carlisle let her die. How do you tell the person you love that you wish you weren't spending eternity with them, but wishing your life had ended long before the two of you ever met? You also have to remember that Rose had Carlisle change me, even though that would not have been the path she would have chosen for herself. There is some guilt that comes along with that even though I'm grateful she saved me."

"You know all of this, but you don't talk about it together?"

"We do sometimes, but Jasper is an outside objective and honest opinion. It's important for anyone to have that."

"Do you have that?"

"Can't say that I do. It can be a heavy load, even for a big guy like me." He pulled me into a bear bug. It felt like being swaddled by a giant blanket. "How about you be my go to gal, and I will be your go to guy when one of us needs to chat?"

I would have cried if I could. I just hugged him right back and placed a kiss on his shoulder. "Sounds like a deal."

_**A Week Later**_

**BPOV**

We didn't have much time for a happy family reunion. Shortly after Jasper and I arrived, so did the Denali clan. It would have been nice for someone to tell me these women were insanely beautiful. My mouth hung open when I saw the Heidi Klum lookalike. The only difference between the model and Tanya was the pale skin and long beautiful ringlets of curly blond hair of the vampire. Rose couldn't help but snicker in my ear that she also had a thing for Edward. As the knot in my stomach tightened and twisted I imagined my hand doing the same thing to Rose's neck. _Emmett would get over it right? Maybe this Tanya chick could console him. _I was also taken aback by the gregarious nature of Garrett. He greeted Jasper like they were best buds. His friendly outgoing nature was so infectious it even made my very serious fiancé crack a grin. I raised an eyebrow at my husband to be and he just shrugged in a '_what can I say?'_ gesture. If I hadn't had enough surprises from the Cullen extended family, it also turns out that Laurent is now a part of their family and married to Irina. We both looked at each other with complete and utter shock and then wisely decided not to bring up the past. I politely acknowledged the other coven members, and looked at Jasper apprehensively. By then I had enough of the introductions and I really needed some air. My love sent me a wave of calm and ushered me out the door for a hunt. Since we got here, he's been different. The playful loving man from our Okanogan cabin was replaced by a serious task minded soldier. Even though I had seen his darker side, I couldn't help but worry about how affected he would be by wearing this persona for an extended period of time. He was always there for me when I needed him; part of me was terrified that I wouldn't be enough to get him through this tough time.

On our hunt, he looked so in control and powerful as his strong sturdy arms held the elk still. His eyes were closed as he drained it. Even though he looked completely engrossed in his meal, I knew he was acutely aware of his surroundings. I let him finish his task and my eyes drowned themselves in every ripple of his back muscles. Flashes of memories replayed in my head of my fingers digging into those muscles as I experienced his miracle bliss. I wasn't ready for this to be our last stand. I wanted my hands to roam over that beautiful back forever. I closed my eyes and dreamed of our future. I only opened them when the smell of cedar and fresh cut grass was close enough to taste. Jasper was inches from face and his eyes were black with lust. I leaned in so I could taste him. He leaned into the kiss and we pressed into the rock formation I was leaning against. My hands splayed over his back and pressed my chest into his. In this moment, I didn't want the Major. I wanted Jasper. I let all my love for him emanate as I kissed him. I whispered 'I love yous' and his name over and over as let my tongue trail along his earlobe, his neck, and his shoulders. He took a finger and slid it down the front of my shirt, so that the buttons holding it together popped away, leaving me exposed for his hands to touch. I could see him eying my breasts which were heaving under the lace bra. I took his hand in mine and brought it up to where my heart used to beat. We gazed into each other's eyes as our two hands rested on my chest. He leaned down so our foreheads touched. Our breaths were in sync and at this moment it felt like we were one being. I resisted the urge to taste his lips because more than wanting his taste, I wanted to hear his voice.

He always knew what I needed. "I love you Bella. I'll always love you, and I'll always be here, no matter what." It wasn't the Major talking. It was my Jasper.

My arms wrapped around his neck. My legs wrapped around his waist. I was so happy to hear the words. I kept saying his name like it was a mantra. The more I said it the closer I felt to heaven. His lips found the scar on my neck and he licked and sucked as he told me he loved me. I was secure in the comfort of his arms and relished of tightness of his grip. He laid me on the ground and took off the remainder of my clothing. His lips travelled over me leaving a fiery burn of desire in its place and when his tongue finally reached my centre the current that ran through my entire being made me feel like I was going to go up in flames. Each lick sent me moaning and crying out for more. I needed him inside me like a man needs water in the middle of a desert. At some point he managed to remove his jeans and I could feel his own need pressing against my thigh when he kissed his way back up to me. His fingers replaced where his mouth had been and each time he plunged them inside me he pressed further into my thigh so I could feel how much he wanted me too. I let my hand touch his smooth hardness. My thumb gently moved over the tip to feel the moistness that had gathered. I needed that inside me. I wiggled under him so I could place him at my entrance as his mouth nipped at my breasts. I knew he was just as much on the brink as I was. My hand was now rubbing his perfect round behind coaxing him to give me what I needed. When he entered me it was like a prayer being answered. I cried out at the deepness of the pleasure that overcame my entire being. His name sang from my lips and my hips arched for more. He wasn't coherent as he rocked within me. All I could make out were a series of grunts, moans and growls. His lips crashed over mine as he finally released and I felt my walls clench around him trying to take every essence he had within. I was completely lost in him. Nothing else existed except the feeling of his skin on mine. He filled me so completely I didn't know where I ended and he began. We lay there on the floor and he held me tight to him. I snuggled in his chest and relished the feelings of his fingers as they played with my hair. I kissed one of the scars I made and mumbled into him.

"Don't forget this moment."

"Darlin', we're vampires. We can't forget anything."

"When you're the Major, when the whole God of War comes out. I want you to see me and think about this moment."

"Darlin', if I think about this moment when I'm in that mode, I would assuredly be too distracted to get the job done. I also might hurt you."

"You won't hurt me."

"You don't know that. Trust me; it's a very real possibility. Now tell me what this is really all about."

"I'm afraid that this whole battle thing will be too much for you. I see you in this military training mode and can't help but wonder if you'll be able to snap out of it when it's over. I'm afraid that all the things from your past that have haunted you will come back. I'm afraid I won't be enough to get you through it."

He kissed my head and tightened his hold on me. "If I thought that was a possibility, I wouldn't have asked you to marry me. I can't promise you that it will be easy, but I know as long as I have you, we can get through it."

He knew I was still worried, although he calmed my fears some. I just wished we didn't have to leave the comfort of each others' arms. He whispered that we had to get back to the party and I reluctantly untangled myself from his limbs. I took his shirt, which he had taken off before taking down the elk. He managed to keep his pants intact, so he took those, and we made our way back to the full house. I still had reservations, but I felt a lot better.

**_Few days later_**

I thought vampires don't feel pain. _Boy was I wrong! _I winced as Charlotte popped my shoulder back into its socket. For a tiny mess of curls with a Jessica Rabbit body she sure knew how to pack a punch. We've been practicing every day for a week and even though I had improved greatly, I could tell she thought I was still behind, although I was grateful when she gave me a ten minute break to heal.

When I wasn't working on my physical fighting skills, Eleazer was helping me hone my mental ones. Every night we practiced me extending my shield and learning how to protect each person individually in various fighting situations. This is where Kate and Jasper came in handy. They would try and use their gifts while I tried to block them in battle sequences. We were pretty much working around the clock, so I hadn't really had a chance to spend quality time with Jasper since our hunt. I knew he was keeping me at bay because he didn't want to get distracted from training everyone and he didn't want to worry me while he continued the drill sergeant routine. The saving grace I didn't anticipate was Jake. Jasper had called him to give an update on our situation and lo and behold here he showed up in an RV with Quil, Embry, Seth, Paul and Sam. Even though they too have been training with Jasper, Peter and the others, they've been there to lighten the mood. Garrett was especially thrilled with the concept of werewolves. I can't say that Paul shared the same enthusiasm. It was a good thing that Jake was the alpha; otherwise I'm sure we would have been cleaning up vampire parts all over the field. The risk that Jake took coming here wasn't lost on me. Vanessa was almost due, he had huge responsibilities at home, and he was endangering his life and the lives of his friends. Yet each evening, when we did our little check in with each other, him and the boys still joked around and acted like it was another day at the res. They were so positive that we would come out of this crisis unscathed it was impossible not believe they were right.

_**From a distance Demetri calls Aro**_

"Master, we cannot wait any longer. They are rallying troops around us."

"How many?"

"15 vampires and 6 others."

"What do you mean by 6 others?"

"6 Werewolves Master."

"My my, Carlisle has been busy. I'm sure Caius will be interested in this latest development. Is there anything else you can tell me?"

"The warrior has a mate with him. No one I recognize. She appears to be a newborn. They have also brought in two of his friends and the other deviant coven from Alaska."

"Any special abilities amongst the group?"

"One of the Alaskan's can harm people with her touch. The newborn has a gift as well, but I've kept my distance so I can't pin point what it is. Eleazer is working with her though, so she must have something."

"If Eleazer is working with them, than we have reason to worry. No matter. We have Jane and Alec, and once Edward and Alice find out how quickly their old family has moved on, I'm sure they will step right in line."

"Master, they are training. I suggest you make haste."

"Thank you Demetri. We will make the preparations and be on our way."


	30. Chapter 30 They're Here

Apr 5, 2011

A/N: This chapter took a lot longer to write than I anticipated. My updates will take longer as I finish up this story.

* * *

**APOV**

As I predicted, we floated through the woods like a dark fog. There were seventeen of us in total. Aro and Caius even had their wives. I was worried. I've tried for months to see beyond this forest, but my visions always run blank. After years of torture, Edward and I finally pieced together a contented life, and I had a bad feeling that it was all going to come crashing down. Once we surrendered to our true path we were given the freedom we had dreamed of for so long. Chelsea and Jane treated me like a sister. We went to shopping trips in Milan, the Opera, visited hundreds of places. I satisfied my thirst with the scores homeless and criminals that roamed the streets at night. Thanks to Aro, I have given into my instincts. It's hard to believe I spent so many years denying my true nature. I am not human. To live amongst them and suppress my true character was living a lie.

Edward, on the other hand, reverted back to hunting animals the moment we were free. He didn't have to tell me why. His heart belonged to a human girl, long ago dead. A girl I once thought of as a sister. While he chose to spend the rest of his forever in purgatory mourning her, I chose to move on. He didn't begrudge me my decision. He loved me and accepted me for who I was, who I am, and I know he would continue to accept me regardless of who I would become. Likewise, my devotion and loyalty to my brother was limitless, even if he has chosen to spend eternity as a martyr. He kept to his quiet solitary nature. He could often be found in one of the great halls playing on a grand piano and composing music. He also spent much time with Marcus reading up on the history of Volterra and the Volturi. Marcus was as much a father figure to him as Carlisle was. I'm sure part of the connection was the fact that both men had lost the loves of their lives. Marcus has been alone for centuries and it is plain to see that he mourns Didyme every day. It saddened me to think that my brother was condemned to the same fate.

He gave my hand a light squeeze as the last thought past through my mind. _Sorry. I just want you to be happy._

He gave me a smile, but I could see the anxiousness behind his eyes. He was just as worried as I was about what was beyond the thick brush of forest. Aro too seemed concerned by my lack of visions. Every time he touched me the frustration would play over his face, but he wouldn't voice his worries. He would simply try and reassure me that this glitch was temporary and that in time things would be fine. Edward read his mind, and a million theories were running through his head. Mostly he was wondering if Felix and Demetri had gone too far, and affected my gift. I wondered if the decisions involving our fate had not yet been decided, and if that was the case, who was involved in the decision making process. We saw the clearing approaching, but before we reached the light our group came to a halt.

Aro, who was leading our group made his way to Edward and I. Edward reading his mind, anticipated his words.

"You want us to stay behind. Why?"

"My children, this is a rather unorthodox mission. It's also the first time you've left our home. We will assess the situation and call you when needed. I promise it won't be long."

Edward looked at him suspiciously, but did not question our master. We watched them fade from our view, and once he was sure we were fully alone he whispered in my ear. "He's hiding something."

**BPOV**

Jasper and I were sharing a rare moment together in each other's arms on the front porch when Peter came out to disturb us. He had a spark in his eye. Jasper looked at him with recognition and unwound himself from my arms. The Major was back to business and ready to take charge. He was cold and detached as he questioned his second in command.

"How much time do we have?"

"I'd say we got twenty minutes tops."

"How many?"

"Can't tell. I just know we outnumber them with the wolves on our side. They will be coming through the woods just beyond the clearing in front of the house. "

My stomach tightened in knots as I watched Jasper walk in the house to alert the others. In my fear, I put up my shield and looked out at the spot in the woods beyond the clearing that Peter pointed out. It dawned on me that by the end of this day I could be mourning someone I cared about, or dead myself. The happiness I had found could end before I had a chance to really live. Peter took a seat beside me and covered my hand with his.

"Sugar, I need to ask you a favour."

"Of course. Anything."

"Don't use the full force of your shield yet."

"Huh? You want me to leave you all vulnerable?"

"Yes. You need to trust me, but they can't know the full extent of your power yet. Protect yourself, but until I say the word, the rest of us need to be exposed. It's the only way we will have a chance to get to the twins."

"Does Jasper know about this?"

"He does."

"Then why didn't he tell me himself?

"Would you have listened?"

I thought about it. Could I willingly put all these people in harm's way if Jasper asked me to? Would I think of battle strategy, or would I be blinded by my fear of losing him? I couldn't answer the question, which is why I'm sure Jasper had Peter come and ask me. Still, I was being manipulated, and it was working. I didn't like it. Peter snapped me out of my thought.

"Bella, he's doing what's best for everyone. He's not perfect, he is who he is. That man loves you, no matter what is going on in his head."

And I chose to accept him for better for worse. I gave Peter and affirmative nod and he kissed my cheek. Everyone in the house came outside and moved into formation. Carlisle, Esme, Rose, and Emmett in the front; Jasper, Peter, and Charlotte behind; Denali coven behind them; Jake, Sam, Paul, and Embry guarded the front steps, and finally myself, Seth and Quil remained on the porch. When the time came, I would hold the rear and use my shield to protect everyone. Quil and Seth would guard me to ensure nothing would interfere with the shield while the others were fighting. I wasn't sure how Peter's request would play out, but I knew enough to trust him.

We were staring off into the moonlit trees waiting for them. No one spoke. Eventually we could make out several cloaked shadows approaching. I could see how they would inspire fear amongst our kind. They looked like an army of grim reapers coming to steal our souls. They stopped about fifty yards from us and removed their hoods to reveal their faces. I remembered the three faces of Aro, Marcus, and Caius from the painting in Carlisle's study. My thoughts went back to that day when Edward talked about provoking them in the event that James had killed me. The promise he made never to put me in danger, my pleas to him never to hurt himself. Yet in the end, he abandoned me, broke me, and then came to these creatures to end his life, and in doing so Alice's life ended as well. These monsters killed the people I love. I didn't expect the anger that flowed in my veins. I knew this was not the time. I kept my hands balled into fists and kept my eyes focused on Jasper in an effort to control myself. _Here goes nothing!_

**JPOV  
**I was on high alert. I hated not being at the front, but from a strategy perspective it made more sense for the Volturi to think it Carlisle was the one pulling the strings. Bella was safe at the back, and even thought I knew she was probably hurt and angry at Peter's request, I knew it was the right thing to do to ensure we all got out of here alive. There were fifteen in total. I was picking up feelings of hatred, and fear. It was clear the wolves had made an impact on the group, especially with Caius who couldn't take his eyes off of them as the dread rolled off his body. The only people from the group who didn't have strong emotions emanating were Jane and Alec. They were mildly curious, but overall seemed rather uninterested in the entire affair. As Aro took in our united front he glanced at Bella. I could feel his curiosity and then recognition. _Huh? He's never met Bella. _The friendly tone of his voice masked the war of negative emotions rolling inside of him. "Carlisle, my friend, I see you have managed to piece together a family again. I must applaud your ambition."

Carlisle's tone matched Aro's. "Ah Aro. You know I've never been one for ambition. We simply want to coexist in peace. May I ask what brings you here?"

"For a man who lacks ambition, you definitely have a knack for collecting the unusual. We came because we heard that you had quite a few visitors. A clan of this size is so unusual and the presence of werewolves unheard of. I thought they were extinct. Is there a reason you've brought this eclectic group together?"

"We were celebrating the return home of our family member. I'm sure you remember Jasper. He's been gone for quite some time, and has returned with his fiancé Bella. The wolves are actually acquaintances of hers."

I made no movements or changes in my facial expression, but I was doing my best to suppress the demon inside me. This exchange was wearing on my patience, and the way Aro looked at Bella was making me very uneasy.

"Ah Bella. What a lovely name. If I recall Carlisle, didn't your son Edward fall in love with a human named Bella?"

Aro's question was met with silence. I felt a pang of grief from Carlisle at the mention of Edward's name. Aro didn't seem perturbed by the lack of answer. Instead he lifted a hand and said, "Carlisle, you aren't the only one who has expanded his family. Why don't I make some introductions of my own. Chelsea darling, please get your brother and sister for me."

Another two cloaked figured emerged with the vampire Chelsea through the dense trees. My breath caught in my throat and I heard gasps from my family members as Aro's two newest members brought down their hoods. Time had not changed their beauty. Alice's jet black hair shone against her ivory skin, but more shockingly her eyes glowed red. Her facial expression was etched with shock at seeing Bella . Edward looked like he had been stabbed through the heart. I could feel his disbelief, his astonishment. A million questions were running through my mind. How can they have been alive all this time and not get in touch with us? Are they being held against their will? Does Alice still love me? Does Edward still love Bella? Can Bella handle this? Will she still want me with Edward back? It was almost too much to bear. I tried to get a read on Bella, but her shield was up. Not knowing what she was feeling right now was worse than when I couldn't feel her during her change. I didn't dare look at her, because I was terrified I would see her falling in love with Edward all over again. Everyone around me had a myriad of intense complex emotions, but no one made a move, until Carlisle couldn't bear it any longer.

"Aro, you told me my children were dead. How can this be?"

"Well Carlisle, to you they are dead. You see Edward and Alice belong to me now. They have made their home with us and are quite happy." He motioned for them to come forward to his side and they did so willingly hand in hand. I could feel Alice's love for me, but she was confused, angry, and scared. Edward's love for Bella still ran deep, but his shock was so severe if he was human he probably would have fainted. The surprising thing was I didn't get a sense that they were being held against their will. I didn't even get a sense that they were happy to see their family. Whatever power Aro held over them, it was clear they were not on our side. In fact, I'm sure Edward was doing his best to block out the voices in his head from the people who loved him and mourned for him for all these years. Instead he kept his gaze fixed on Bella. It was making me extremely angry.

Aro turned his attention to Edward.

"Tell me my son, is the woman at the back your Bella?"

"Yes Master." His voice was little more than a whisper.

"Is her mind still closed to you?"

"Yes Master. It is."

He then turned to Alice. "Tell me Alice, you were able to read her thoughts. Can you do so now?"

Just as Edward's eyes were trained on Bella, Alice's eyes were focused on me. "No Master. However, it may be due to the presence of the wolves. I can't see anything when it involves them, or when they are near."

Aro looked into our little group and called out to Eleazer.

"Eleazer, it's so good to see you again. I take it you've had a chance to review this girl's power?"

He responded with ease. "I have. She is definitely a shield, but she is new and her skill unrefined." In actuality, Bella's skill was quite refined. I had to applaud Eleazer for lying so easily.

Aro continued, "Jane my darling, why don't we test her abilities."

Jane looked onto the crowd and suddenly my body was no longer my own. It was being consumed by fire, flicking at every nerve ending in my body. The pain was excruciating to the point where I was on my knees. It wasn't just me, but every vampire on our side the clearing was writhing on the floor, with the exception of Bella. The wolves were ready to attack, but before they could spring into action Jane pulled back her power. She looked at her master and in a very matter of fact tone said, "it seems to work on everyone except her and the wolves." _Way to state the obvious._ Stage one of the plan worked. They thought Bella's power was limited to herself. However, Aro wasn't quite finished.

"Edward, did you know that Bella was introduced to me as the mate of your brother Jasper. What do you make of that?"

Edward's eyes snapped from Bella to me, and I could feel the murderous rage building within him. Alice's feeling of shock and betrayal was not lost on me either. Edward's only response was, "She's mine".

As if on cue, Peter said to me, "It's time." Then, he turned to Bella and said, "Bella, Now!" All of a sudden everyone's feelings were completely blocked and the only thing left for me to feel was the rage of my demon demanding to come out.

**BPOV**

The only words that made it into my head, that kept repeating over and over again were _Holy Fuck!_ The last time I saw Edward was the day he left me in the forest. His face was blank and his eyes were empty as he broke my heart. Then my heart broke all over again when Jasper told me that he and Alice were dead. Now the man who held my heart and broke it twice was standing a few feet away and looking at me like I was an angel. His eyes were still amber, his face was still handsome. Every moment he and I spent together flashed through my mind like a slide show. I knew Aro was talking about me, but nothing he said registered as I stared at my former love disbelieving this was real. I snapped back to reality when Aro told Edward that I was Jasper's mate. Edward turned to Jasper with a look of pure hatred, Alice turned to me with a look of complete shock.

Then Peter yelled "Now" and I shoved the personal turmoil in the back of my mind and brought up the full force of my shield. Once it blanketed everyone on our side, Jasper's eyes turned to the ominous black void of the God of War. Jane sensing the change in atmosphere immediately tried to let her power loose and began to look frightened as she realised it was having no effect. That was when Charlotte and Peter sprung into action and decapitated both twins within a matter of seconds. As all of this was going on everyone on our side sprang forward. Jasper lunged for the largest member of the guard and the two began to a vicious battle.

Because we weren't sure if anyone else in guard had special abilities I stayed on the porch and concentrated on my shield, while Quil and Seth fended off vampires at the front of the house. From this vantage point I could see who was fighting who. Carlisle had taken on Aro. He has never looked more like a vampire than at this moment. The two men were circling each other with claws bared and teeth snapping at each other. Emmett and Rosalie were tag teaming a few guard members, looking like they were having a great time. I could see Jake and Sam ripping apart Caius as he screamed in fear and agony. Alice was dancing around Paul and I could see the wolf was getting extremely aggravated at the pixie. Laurent was attacking Marcus. It looked like he was just about to finish him off, when Edward came out of nowhere and jumped on Laurent's back. His hands went around the neck and twisted until Laurent's head went flying through the air. Irina screamed and lunged for Edward, which is when Alice noticed, abandoned her fight with Paul, and made a beeline for Irina, ripping of her head in much the same fashion as Edward had done to Laurent.

Peter and Charlotte were teaming up with the wolves ripping vampire body parts to shreds. At some point I heard Rosalie scream. While Emmett was distracted with two guard members the vampire Chelsea, who looked like she belonged on the swimsuit cover of Sports Illustrated had just ripped off Rosalie's arm. _Shield be damned. _I darted from my post and grabbed the female by the hair, flinging her into a boulder. She looked at me with an intense rage and darted towards me. I went on the offense and ran towards her. We crashed into each other creating a thunderous sound. She managed to sink her teeth into my shoulder, but before she could rip it off, I twisted and put her in a bear hug. I still had traces of my human blood lingering in my tissues, so I knew I was stronger. I squeezed until I could hear her bones crush, and then smiled in satisfaction as I cut off the sound of her screams by breaking her neck and ripping off her head. I found Rose's arm and helped her reattach the limb. She quietly accepted my help and when I was done I turned to survey the damage.

Everyone was finishing off their kills, accept Jasper. He was stalking towards Edward who was in front of Marcus. Pieces of the Laurent, Irina and Tanya were strewn on the ground. I knew that Edward was no match for Jasper, but the two men looked like they were ready to settle a score. I don't know what came over me, but I darted in between the two men. Jasper's black eyes were looking past me over towards Edward. He was still walking forward when I dropped to my knees and wrapped my arms around his waist. When he finally made eye contact I poured my love out to him. He hesitated.

"Please Jasper, It's me Bella. Come back. It's over."

The black void began to dissipate like smoke evaporating in the sky. He looked at me like he just woke up from a dream.

"Bella?"

"Jasper, it's me my love."

He dropped to his knees so we were now at eye level and wrapped his arms around me in a tight embrace. I took in all of his love and sorrow and buried my head in the crook of his neck, while my hands wove themselves into his beautiful golden curls. We both kept saying I love you over and over again. Everything around us was forgotten until Peter put a hand on Jasper's shoulder.

When we both stood up the scene around us was surreal. Charlotte and Garret were picking up the body parts and throwing them into a fire. Carlisle was engrossed in tending to the injuries that Paul and Seth sustained, while the rest of the wolves hovered over him to make sure their friends were alright. Emmett and Kate were holding on to Edward, while Esme and Rose had hold of Alice. Both looked more prisoners of war then our family. Eleazer and Carmen had hold of Marcus, who kept his eyes on Edward with a look of sympathy. I was at a complete loss as to what was to come next. Edward and I still hadn't exchanged any words. Alice and Jasper still hadn't exchanged any words. There was an abundance of loss, betrayal, shock to last us a hundred lifetimes. No words seemed appropriate at the moment. I was glad when Peter finally spoke.

"Jasper, I think you and Bella really need to hunt right now. We will take care of the rest from here."

He gave us the out we so clearly needed. Jasper led me by the hand and we took off for woods.


	31. Chapter 31 Getting Untangled

April 11, 2011

A/N: Well folks, this is my longest chapter to date and I think it pretty much ties up all the loose ends - although if I missed something I'm sure you'll let me know in your reviews :-) It's also the chapter where you'll decide if you hated this story or not. After this I have an ending and an epilogue. We are almost at the finish line.

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**JPOV**

Once were deep in the woods I stopped at the first clearing we came to and lay down on the ground. Bella lay beside me and we both just stared up at stars that shone brightly in the night sky. I wished the stars had the answers I was looking for. I could feel her love, but there was a lot of fear, doubt, and even guilt mixed in there. They were all feelings that mirrored my own. Sixty years I spent in wedded bliss with my Alice. All of that changed in one night. In one night our family splintered completely apart and the women I loved dearly was now no more than a stranger to me. Not just a stranger, but the enemy. How did we come this far?

"You're thinking about Alice, aren't you?"

She was still looking towards the heavens as she spoke. I kept my gaze in the same direction.

"And you're thinking of Edward."

"We've been through so much. Should the road to happiness be this hard?"

"I don't have an answer for that question. From the day I was turned my life has been hard. Every time I thought I had finally found happiness, every time I thought I found peace, things have come crashing down."

"She's your wife. You spent decades loving her."

"You loved Edward so completely. It doesn't matter if it was decades, years, or months. The time doesn't make it any less real, or any less deep."

"Is this it for us? Do we just go back to who we were?"

I couldn't go back. I loved the woman beside me with my complete being, and if I wasn't an empath, those words would have broken me to pieces, but I could feel the profound sorrow and fear behind those words. She might have said them, but she didn't mean it. I finally turned to look at her and she turned to look at me. Her eyes were full of tears unable to fall and her lips trembled against words she was too afraid to say. She was afraid of losing me, which gave me reason to exist.

"Bella, I love you. I don't want to lose you and I will fight for you if I have to."

She rolled on top of and kissed me deeply. It was a kiss filled with relief and love. Her legs straddled my torso and her hands rested against my chest as she explored my mouth with her tongue. Her hair blanketed our faces and I felt cocooned within her. When she finally did draw her lips back from mine she said out loud, what her kiss already told.

"You don't need to fight for what already rightfully belongs to you. I love you too Jasper Whitlock."

She bent down to kiss me again, and I had an overwhelming urge to claim her. I flipped her on her back and we both frantically moved to take off each other's clothes. I pressed against her naked form, relishing every soft peak and gentle valley her body. I sucked hard on the spot on her neck where I first took her life and before I knew it I bared my teeth down on her again at that same spot. She screamed in pain and pleasure as I savoured the taste of her flesh. She arched her back pressing her breasts into my chest and I could feel her fingers breaking through the skin on my back leaving ribbons of scratches where her nails had been. Both of us were determined to make our marks on each other, enough for the world to see we belonged to one another. My need to consume ever inch her overwhelmed me. I thrust into her and cried out her name as her warmth enveloped my being. I could feel her muscles pulling me inside her, trying to coax my essence into her with every contraction and quiver. I attacked her breasts roughly kneading the soft yet firm flesh in my hands and rolling her hard nipples in my mouth. She was writhing under me, lifting her hips giving me fuller access to reach deep inside her core. She pulled at my hair and screamed out my name as my hips rocked against her pleasure centre over and over bringing her over the edge. With each orgasm she begged me to come inside of her, but I wasn't ready to relinquish my hold. I wanted us to stay fused together, in this moment forever. Only when her lips came down on my chest and her teeth pierced my flesh did I feel the satisfaction of my own release. My body seized and shook as I emptied myself inside her in uncontrollable spasms, until my body was spent. Even in the aftermath, I stayed inside the comfort of her warmth. My arms and legs wrapped around her and I held her close to me as I kissed her hair.

She mumbled into my chest. "There's no place I'd rather be, than here with you."

"Darlin', I'm glad we're on the same page."

**BPOV**

Once I brought Jasper back from mental clutches of his demon we found ourselves in a strange tableau. While Jasper and I avoided looking at each other, everyone else stared at us waiting for the unpredictable aftermath. I could feel Edward's eyes trying to bore into my soul, but I couldn't bring myself to go there just yet. He dragged me to hell, I clawed my way to purgatory and Jasper led me to heaven. Now Alice and Edward were back and my paradise in a bubble popped leaving me floundering in doubt.

Jasper didn't hesitate at Peter's suggestion to go for a hunt. I was surprised when Jasper led us to a clearing deep in the woods. Memories of being in a similar clearing having my heat broken to pieces flooded back. Could all the words of love we exchanged mean nothing? I know he loved Alice deeply, but did he have to break my heart in a place where my memories would haunt me? I pictured him in Alice's arms and part of me wanted to rip her limb from limb. Yet, she was his wife. If anyone had a right to hold Jasper in their arms it was Alice. I was just the interloper who tried to come between them. He didn't look at me as we lay on the dewy grass looking up at the stars. He was probably dreaming of his wife and the future they now had a second chance at. _I might as well get this over with._

I kept my eyes on the sky, not wanting him to see my pain. "You're thinking about Alice, aren't you?"

"And you're thinking of Edward." _Strangely, the answer to that question is no._

"We've been through so much. Should the road to happiness be this hard?" _He could ride off into the sunset with Alice. I was no more than a speed bump in his life. A holding place for the one he really wanted._

"I don't have an answer for that question. From the day I was turned my life has been hard. Every time I thought I had finally found happiness, every time I thought I found peace, things have come crashing down."

_He's been through so much. It's not fair for me to make his life any harder. _"She's your wife. You spent decades loving her."

"You loved Edward so completely. It doesn't matter if it was decades, years, or months. The time doesn't make it any less real, or any less deep."

The difference is I was no more than a child back then. I loved him completely and naively. It's easy to give all of yourself when you haven't fully comprehended who you truly are. Time has changed me. I'm no longer that doe-eyed girl blinded by perfect beauty. I no longer need someone to protect me. After all the time Jasper and I spent together, could he really think I could just go back to being that person?

"Is this it for us? Do we just go back to who we were?" I looked at him just as he turned to look at me, and the thought of losing him was making me come undone.

"Bella, I love you. I don't want to lose you and I will fight for you if I have to."

_Did I hear that right? Oh yeah, vampire hearing. _He loved me. He didn't just love me, he wanted me. He wanted me enough to fight for me. The weight on my chest lifted. The joy in my heart swelled. The need to touch every part of him overwhelmed me. Before I knew it, I was on top of him and tasting his divine lips. I needed him to know how much he meant to me.

"You don't need to fight for what already rightfully belongs to you. I love you too Jasper Whitlock."

This time when I kissed him he flipped me on my back. Suddenly I was naked and pressed against his hard chiselled flesh. He caressed my neck scar which sent electric volts down to my core making me wet with need. I could feel his desire and primal urge burgeon. It came to surface as he bit down at that very spot that made me his and I was awash in his lust and need to dominate. The pain from his venom mixed with our desire amplified my lust making me blind with passion. His venom mixed with my blood was not enough. I needed to fuse myself to him. My fingers clawed at his back as I arched into his body. I couldn't have any space between us. I wanted to feel every ridge of every scar that marred his Adonis physique. I wanted to be inside every cell of his entire body. I needed to feel him fill me. His manhood finally made its home inside my core and I relished every long hard stroke as my pleasure began to build. My first climax made me scream his name in ecstasy.

I was coming down from my high, but Jasper wasn't finished. He continued his rhythm. First slowing down to give me time to recover; then rolling his hips against mine to gain deeper access. Each time he hit my magic spot waves of pleasure rippled thought out my body making my toes curl and my eyes flutter. It made my want turn into need and when I thought it couldn't get any better he quickened the pace. I could feel my muscles clench around him, begging him to come with me, but he did not give into my body's demands. Instead he repeated the process making my needs more urgent and my body crying out. He had me. I was his. But, it was time he knew that he belonged to me. I needed his essence inside me before I burst into flames. The need was so overwhelming I was barely aware of my teeth biting into his flesh tasting his sweet venom and letting the warm liquid sooth me. As I bit down he roared with pain and his desire hit me like a battering ram which released wave after wave of orgasmic pleasure. His release was violent and intense as he shuddered and convulsed above me. I could finally feel his warm liquid bliss feel fill my centre making us one. He then collapsed on top of me, wrapping me completely in his harms and body. I could still feel him inside me at rest and I was happy to know he found his home there. I wanted to stay in this position forever.

I mumbled into his chest as he kissed my hair, "There's no place I'd rather be, than here with you."

"Darlin', I'm glad we're on the same page." _Thank God!_

**BPOV**

We hunted after we made love then we ran back to the house. Even though the next few moments were going to be horrible and hard we both felt we had a strong foundation in each other to get us through. Our love was not two people just thrown together by loss. It was a love that kept two people grounded to weather any storm.

The crowd outside the house was a little smaller. Jake and the pack went back to La Push but he left me a text message that said he would check up on me later. Vanessa needed to know he was alright and was anxious to see him. Emmett and Rose took off for the woods. She needed to hunt in order to help heal from her injuries. Kate and Garrett were nowhere to be seen, but Carmen and Eleazer were standing with Marcus, Edward and Alice. Carlisle and Esme were also with the little group outside, the grief on their faces was plain to see and I immediately put up my shield to block the emotional onslaught from Jasper. I squeezed his hand was rewarded with a small smile, but worried eyes. I looked around for Peter and Charlotte, and realised I could hear their faint moans coming deep from within the woods. Seems Jasper wasn't the only one who needed a release from this tension.

Edward was staring at my hand which was clasping Jasper's. I'm sure the smell of our coupling didn't go unnoticed and I was glad that Jasper's mind was blocked from Edward at the moment. He looked like a man on death row and I didn't want to tighten the noose even though I was responsible for putting the rope around his neck. I let go of Jasper's hand and walked towards him. The look he gave me was full of hope; a man hoping for one last pardon.

He trembled as he spoke. "Bella, you're alive."

"I'm no longer alive, but yes Edward, it's me." He made a slight wince at the first part of my statement. I ignored it. "I think we should go somewhere private to talk."

He nodded and I made my way inside the house with him trailing behind me. I went to the kitchen and absentmindedly boiled some water while he took off his cloak and sat on the stool by the large granite top island. Our mannerisms seemed almost too human given what we've been through. Once I had my cup of hot water in hand I stood on the other side of the island and mentally took in the boy sitting in front of me.

This was the first time I got a true look at him through my vampire eyes. I totally understood why had loved him as a human. He was beautiful beyond compare. His stomach muscles rippled under the thin cotton t-shirt like soft ocean tides. His hair was a perfect mess of varying hues of brown. His strong jaw line highlighted the perfect facial features. His arms were long and well defined. His hands and fingers held the elegance of a concert pianist. His eyes were deep black pools revealing the tortured soul he denied existed. There was a huge pit in my stomach. My heart hurt. My limbs felt heavy. It was much the same way I felt that cold dark night in the woods, I was probably having a symptomatic response relating to my human life. Absentmindedly I wondered if these types of responses would fade over time as my human life began to fade.

Edward stared at me with no expression. "I still can't read your thoughts. It's maddening."

"My thoughts are not your property, nor am I."

He looked at me like I had just slapped him in the face. "I didn't mean to insinuate such a thing. If anything I belong to you. Time or distance hasn't changed my love for you Bella."

My mind ran through the various ways to answer that statement.

_Unfortunately time and distance has changed my love for you_

_I'm in love with Jasper_

_If you really loved me you never would have left in the first place_

_If you belonged to me, where the hell have you been all these years?_

I needed an explanation. Him popping up with the Volturi after all these years was a curve ball I didn't see coming. He shattered not just me, but his entire family as well.

"Your love for me? Edward your love shattered my heart. Your love splintered my soul. You said that time would heal all wounds. Well, guess what? It didn't."

My words were full of hate and anger. Anger that I didn't know I had until this very moment. All these years I never got to have my say. I never got any closure. He made decisions concerning me without my input because he always thought he knew what was best for me, even though I was capable of making my own choices and accepting the consequences. By now I was incensed.

"Edward you don't belong to me, I don't belong to you. We are our own people, capable of choosing our own path. I have made some horrible decisions in my life, but at least in the end I chose my family over myself."

"You chose your family? I saw Alice's vision. You threw your life away in a bathroom with a razor. Tell me how that was choosing your family? Did Jasper come and save the day? Is that why you're here now as one of us, a monster? Were you choosing Charlie when you ended your life?"

Clearly, I was not the only one with unresolved anger. My rash decision definitely played a part in the web we were all entangled in. "Edward, I have a lot of regret over what I did. You hurt me so profoundly, I didn't think I could go on. For the record, Jake was the one who saved my life, not Jasper. After that I chose to live for Charlie and Jake. I was still broken, but that moment made me realise that killing myself was not the answer. Can you say the same?"

"How could you expect me to live in a world where you did not exist?"

"The same way you expected me to live my life without you."

The anger we both had had faded, but it was replaced with a deep sense of loss. He never looked more like a 17 year old boy than he did at this moment. Even though there were times when he was wise beyond his physical age, I was starting the grasp the shortcomings of being frozen in time. The problem with Edward was he didn't see me. He saw 17 year old Bella who looked at him like he was the world. I had over three years of growing up and maturing that he would never get a chance to do. It made me appreciate Rosalie's feeling on being turned that much more. In silent standoff, the look in Edward's eyes changed. Something finally clicked.

"You look different. I'm not talking about the change. I mean, you haven't been a vampire that long have you? How old are you?"

"21. I was turned a few months ago"

"And when did Jasper enter your life?"

"Six months prior to being turned."

"And you love him?"

"Yes Edward, I love him. We love each other."

His elbows were on the counter and his face was buried in his face. He sounded so defeated when he spoke.

"This is all my fault. If it wasn't for me leaving, if I didn't go to the Volturi, you and I might have still had a chance. Alice would have never gone through so much pain. She wouldn't be having her heart broken. I have caused her so much suffering and all she has ever done is love, and support me."

"Why did you go to the Volturi? Jasper told me you and Alice were dead. He said the Volturi killed you. Instead we find you as part of the guard, protecting Marcus no less."

"It's not Marcus' fault. I did go to end my life. Alice tried to save me. Instead both of us were held and tortured for years. I wished I was dead every day. When I thought I couldn't take anymore, and was resigned to the fact that the rest of my existence would be never ending pain, it all stopped. Suddenly we were treated like one of them. Alice finally smiled. Marcus took me under his wing and I didn't want to die every day anymore."

"Edward, that is so incredibly horrible. I'm so sorry my actions caused you such inexplicable pain. Once you were out, how could you not let Carlisle know you were alive? Couldn't you see the pain you caused him?"

"Chelsea has a gift. She can instil loyalty and break emotional ties. Before I knew it, Alice and I were tied to Aro and no one else mattered. Now that she's gone I am aware of the gravity of my actions."

I let his is explanation sink in. There was so much hurt and so little blame to go around. All the real culprits were already dead and we were left to clean up the aftermath. I didn't know where to go from here. Edward came around the island and stood beside me. With a finger he gently moved a lock of my hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear, revealing the fresh scar that Jasper made.

The sadness in each word dripped like tears. "I didn't want to change you because I wanted to protect your soul, but seeing you as one of us just makes me love you even more. Jasper is very lucky."

Anything I said would have rubbed salt in his already gaping wounds, so I just said what I never got a chance to almost four years ago.

"Goodbye Edward."

He closed his eyes and before he could open them I was gone.

**JPOV**

I watched her as she walked away from me towards the house, the love of her human life trailing behind her. Her shield was in full force, so the turmoil going on inside me was all my emotions and my emotions alone. My wife looked at me with hurt written all over her face. Everyone stared at us like we were animals at the zoo.

"Alice, would you mind coming with me to somewhere more private to talk?"

She stared out in space like she was about to face the firing squad. "Of course my husband. We have much to discuss."

She floated into the forest and I followed her to the clearing where Bella and I just made love. _Of all the places, she had to come here? _Clearly she wanted to call me out.

"I followed your scent here. Did I even cross your mind as you fucked my sister in this very spot?"

"Alice, you've been alive all this time and let us think you were dead. You killed a member of your family out there. I spent years alone trying to forget the fact that you didn't hesitate to go rescue Edward, but never thought once to come rescue me. I don't think I have to justify my actions to you anymore."

Her features softened and the anger was no longer in her voice. "Jasper, I never stopped loving you. You left me. My sister was gone, my husband was gone. Did you expect me to let Edward just run off and kill himself too? I have a heart capable of breaking too Jasper! It wasn't fair that you judged me for feeling things that were beyond my control."

She was right. I could have stayed, but if I did I'm sure Edward would have been dead, and I would have lost her anyway. She might have loved me, but it wasn't enough. She needed Edward too.

"You're right and I'm sorry I left. I regretted it deeply when Carlisle told me you were dead. In all our years together, did you ever see things ending up like this?"

"No I didn't. Everything that has happened has been a result of rash impulsive decisions. There was no way to predict the night of Bella's birthday. If I could have seen what was coming, I never would have let Edward leave her in the woods. I would have made sure you hunted before the night of her party. Maybe I never would have led us to the Cullens at all."

Memories replayed in my head of all the happy times I shared with the petite woman in front of me. The spark was gone and her light was diminished. It was heartbreaking to see her this way.

"Is that why you stayed with the Volturi? Why you've hunted humans?"

"Edward and I didn't go to Volterra to join them. We were prisoners and tortured for years. We had to serve our punishment for our lifestyle. Once our punishment was considered served, Chelsea solidified our loyalty to the Volturi and we were accepted in the guard. But, you don't get the right to judge me for my lifestyle choice. I'm not the only one who's tasted human blood. I saw you as took that girl from the club. You walked her home. You made love to her in her apartment and drained her dry as she climaxed. Didn't she taste divine my love? Her blood mixed with desire. Didn't you feel the utmost gratification as you came inside her while her warm blood soothed the aching burn in your throat?"

"Alice, I was in a bad place when I did those things. I'm different now. I'm whole again. Now that Chelsea's dead, your loyalty to them is broken. You can go back to the Cullens and heal again too."

The familiar void came over her face. I waited till her vision was over and she smiled at me, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.

"Once in a while I would see us walking down an aisle together and it brought me hope that I'd find my way back to you. I realise now it was just my mind playing tricks on me. My life is with them now. I'm not tied to them by another vampire's spell. I want to be there. The last few months have opened my eyes to a lot of things, and I think I can do some good there. All the people who did me harm are dead and Marcus will need me. Strangely, whenever I try to see you, it's blank. It's been happening for months. I thought my blank visions were because you died. Then when I saw the wolves I thought that explained it, but it's because of Bella isn't it?"

"Yes. Her shield is pretty powerful. It got stronger as she aged, and more so after she turned."

"What happened with her suicide attempt?"

"Jake got to her in time, and then I think she spent a lot of time with him before going off to college. It explains why you didn't see a lot of events."

"The fact that I was blinded by pain and suffering from emotional distress probably didn't help matters. So, you really love her then?"

"I do Alice. I'm so sorry, but our time apart has changed a lot of things in me. I mourned you and fell in love. I wish I could be the man you need, but sweetheart that need man is gone."

She floated towards me and placed a light kiss on my cheek. "I may look fragile, but I have a knack for ending up on my feet. Just be happy Jasper. I'll be okay."

She disappeared into the woods. I assumed she was going back to the house. I wasn't ready to face everyone just yet so I sat on grass and meditated on the exchange. I kept my eyes closed but was fully aware that Peter was standing over me.

"You okay my man?"

"Yeah, Pete. I reckon I am."

"Then why are you lyin' out here like you just got dumped on prom night?"

"Dude, I just told my wife I was in love with someone else. Alice is planning on staying with the guard and turning her back on her family."

"Alice is a big girl. She can make her own decisions. Now get with program. We still haven't dealt with Marcus."

As we ran back to the house I went over the options. Option 1) kill Marcus. That would mean no ruling class to ensure our laws were upheld. Carlisle would be the best option to step into that role, but I knew he didn't want it, and wouldn't be able to dish out the punishment, which was necessary to maintain order. Biggest con to this option was the Romanians could swoop in and push our kind back to medieval times, which no one would want. Option 2) Let Marcus live and go back to rule. Would he retaliate? If there was a chance of that happening we couldn't let him live. If Alice went back with him she could ensure we were kept safe. Even though the thought of her going back there pained me, it seemed like our best option.

Just before we got to the edge of the clearing, Bella came into view. She ran full force and jumped into my arms, her legs wrapping around my waist.

"When I saw Alice and you weren't there I was worried."

"No need for worry Darlin. I just needed a little time to process."

"Alice says she's going back to Volterra with Marcus. Are you okay?"

"Pete had to remind me that Alice can make her own decisions. As long as I have you, I'm okay."

She kissed me long and hard, and I almost forgot what my next task was. If she didn't stop, I was going to take her right here in front of Pete, and he wouldn't let me live it down for decades.

"Darlin', we better get back to the others. I promise to make up for all this drama as soon as we get home."

She unwound her legs from my waist, but kept her arms around my neck.

"Where is home?"

"Where ever you want it to be."

"Would you be okay with going back to Seattle? I love Carlisle and Esme, but I feel like our life is there."

"Sounds good to me. Seattle isn't that far. We can visit as often as you want, and we would be closer to Charlie and Jake. I like the idea of just the two of us. That way I could ravish you away from prying ears."

Her love and happiness beamed. I gave her another long kiss before Peter reminded us that he was still here. I didn't appreciate being wacked on the head with a small tree. I was going to have to kick his ass later.

When we got to the house I approached Marcus first.

"Marcus, we don't want to kill you, but we have to protect our family first."

He put his hands up in a non-threatening gesture and spoke. "I have no ill will. Your family had sufficient reason to retaliate. I can attest that Edward and Alice were wrongfully held. If you want to kill me, you would be in the right."

He was completely sincere and Alice looked at me like we were just wasting time. She already saw Marcus would be alive and she would be in Volterra with him, so to her we were just wasting time. I however needed to be confident that this would work out.

"You don't have Chelsea anymore. How will you rebuild the guard?"

"This will be a new era for our kind. We can uphold our laws with vampires who truly want to serve for the greater good."

Edward came out of the house to join our group. He ignored everyone and went straight to Alice.

He seemed a bit shocked as he read Alice's mind. "You're going back with Marcus?"

"Edward, really it's for the best. I think I can be happy there now." Just as she said the words a vision flashed through her. She jumped up and down and gave Edward a huge hug. It was the first time she seemed like her old self. Edward smiled and hugged her back. Everyone else watched these two communicate wordlessly.

Pete, not used to strange exchange was the first to speak up. "What the fuck is going on?"

Alice answered in her sing song voice. "Edward is coming with me."

Edward turned to Carlisle. "I'm sorry Carlisle. I know you would like me to stay, but Alice has sacrificed so much for me, and truthfully, I just don't think I could stay here after all that's happened."

I was tempted to say that we would not be here if that what he was worried about, but the thought of Edward being thousands of miles away from Bella was way too tempting. At the very least he could also protect Alice if he served in the guard as well.

Even though Carlisle was hurt and disappointed, he masked it well. "My son, I understand. We love you and you can always come home whenever you want."

The two men hugged and Esme began to sob. Rose seemed stunned from all the events. It was the first time I had ever seen her at a loss for words. Emmett held her knowing she needed the emotional support.

Eleazer suddenly piped in. "Don't worry Carlisle, I'll keep an eye on them for you."

I don't think anyone was more surprised than Carmen. "Eleazer, you're going with them? You're going back to the guard? These two killed my sister and her mate? Kate and Garrett have probably gone back to Alaska by now in an effort not to rip them to shreds and cause further bloodshed. How could you suggest such a thing?"

"My love, Edward and Alice were under the power of Chelsea, they can't be blamed for their actions. Marcus is going to need all the help he can get if he's going to rebuild the guard and my gift can assist with that. We have to think of the greater good. In the Volturi's weakened state anarchy could ensue. You've witnessed the Volturi's wrath under Aro's thumb. Don't you want to be part of the solution? Think of the good we could do."

She thought it over and decided her love for Eleazer overrode her anger at Edward and Alice. Marcus may have lost a large part of Volturi, but he was gaining allies and a new outlook. I promised to contact Garrett myself and inform him and Kate of these events. They could decide what the next chapter in their lives would hold.

With the decisions made Edward embraced Esme, and Alice embraced me. She whispered in my ear that she would send me the divorce papers so I could move on with my life and I thanked her. Alice and Edward then said their emotional goodbyes to Emmett and Rose promising to stay in touch. When it came time to say goodbye to Bella, Edward kept his distance but the look of love and sadness in his eyes said it all. We didn't look at each other. There was still too much hurt to bridge the gap. Alice and Bella also kept their distance. I knew that Bella loved Alice and that Alice would eventually be able to come around, but I think that we needed more time in order for those wounds to heal.

All was said and done, and the five vampires melted back into the forest. The last cloud lifted and it finally felt like we were home free.


End file.
